Ugly Thoughts and Things

"Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or frustrated." - Hebrews 12:3

"This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them." -  Psalm 34:6-7

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

Dear God,

The ugliness of what is happening in this world, the ugliness coming from the Republican Party with regard to the least of these and healthcare for the disabled is tiresome. It is frustrating. I can choose what to think about. Please help me. Show me Your light and Your love. If I am thinking about last mistakes, help me to move on. Forgive me. And help me to forgive myself. Those ugly thoughts sure do like to sneak up on me! God, You have control. Show Yourself. Intervene on behalf of the least of these. Do not let the republicans throw them off comprehensive insurance plans. Do not let them hurt the least of these.

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

Choose Joy Instead

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." - Philippians 4:4-6

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." - Galatians 5:22-23

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." - Hebrews 13:8

"Whoever is wise, let him attend to these things; let them consider the steadfast love of the Lord." - Psalm 107:43

Dear God,

Choose joy over complaining. You are the same yesterday, today, and forever. God, grant me more patience when I encounter the evil and the hate in this world. Give me more gentleness and kindness. Help me kill it with kindness. Help me show more love. But also grant me more wisdom to know when I should just shut up and find an exit. Help me to never be afraid to correct someone that is being ignorant and spreading hate for others. But help me to always do so in love. Grant me the capacity to forgive and love like You forgive and love. Thank You for that which You have provided and will continue to provide even though I am unsure of how You will do so right now.

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name, 

Amen

A Second Chance

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

"I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and a bride adorns herself with her jewels."Isaiah 61:10

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16

Dear God,

Your love never ends. Your mercies never stop and are new every morning. This means I get to try again every day and that my mistakes from the previous day are erased when I give them to You and ask for forgiveness. Today is a new day with a fresh start. Your love will never end. 

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name, 

Amen

Love and Peace

"Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you." - II Corinthians 13:11

"The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms. And he thrust out the enemy before you and said, Destroy." - Deuteronomy 33:27

"So God created man in his own image; in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27

Dear God,

You are the God of love and peace. I need Your love. Wrap me in Your love. Take my worries and fears. Hold me tight in Your arms. Help me to love others the way You love me. You created all of us in Your image. Forgiving will bring me peace.

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

Washed Away

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." - I John 1:9

"I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." - Isaiah 61:10

"Blessed are the people who know the festal shout, who walk, O Lord, in the light of your face, who exult in your name all the day and in your rights are exalted." - Psalm 89:15-16

Dear God, 

I come to You today with the fears of many regarding our healthcare situation in America and the wreckless abandon that republicans have with regard to the least of these. Today I come to You unable to respect and pray for Trump or for leadership due to serious conflict of interest centered around their policies and ideologies regarding the least of these. As such, I lay these at Your feet and pray for Your will to be done even if Your will is that we are entering the end times today. If my heart attitude in this is wrong, please forgive me. And even if my heart attitude is not wrong, I still ask for forgiveness. Thank You for washing over me with Your goodness.

Thank You. 

In Jesus' Name, 

Amen

Keep Walking with God Along the Path He Has Chosen for You

Psalm 16:11 - You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. 

Psalm 37:23-24 - The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand.

Dear God, my path is different from another person's path and still another person's path is different from my own path. While our paths may cross and even intermingle for a while, our paths will always be different. It frustrates me when people who don't know the oath I have been on to get to where I am try to force me onto a different path because when they hear I have autism, they somehow equate that to being less than or inferior to themselves. Or they somehow think that the path You have chosen for me is wrong because it doesn't fit their ideas about things. I am still so wounded by how that care team turned out with the two individuals in it basically destroying everything and worst of all, destroying my spirit. I am still wounded by Tom's end and him standing up for what he knew was right and against what he knew was wrong. I am still holding hope in You that You will eventually allow reconciliation between Tom and myself, but also know that even when You do, he and I will be so different by that point that things will have to be different. I mean it may be possible that he and I could refriend on Facebook, but will it be friends in real life again? Probably not really. I would rather spend my life with no real friends off Facebook whatsoever than to be hurt the way he hurt me again. But maybe that is the path I have been given, one destined to have friends and acquaintances but never to have any that are really close or personal. I mean real friends forgive and don't abandon their friends when in need. Real friends stick it out and love on their friends even when a conflict arises. Real friends stick up for what is right and stand up against what is wrong. My path is my path, and my path includes autism, immune deficiency, and whatever is going on in my gut. My path is not perfect, but my path is my path because You have chosen it for me. Anyone who tries to push me off my path is not worth my time or energy. Anyone who tries to come along side of me and offers me a supportive hand along the way is worth my time and energy and even my forgiveness. Tom is one of them. But maybe that will be a miracle if it happens this year. I love You God. And I hope I am doing my best to follow the path You have chosen for me. Help me to not stumble off it and to resist the slips and falls along the way. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Relax in His Peaceful Presence

John 15:13-15 - "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you."

Revelation 17:14 - "They will make war on the Lamb, and the Lamb will conquer them, for he so Lord of lords and King of kings, and those with him are called and chosen and faithful."

Dear God, forgive me when I am nervous or anxious during my time with You. Help me to relax more in Your presence. Real friendship. One that does not require anything but for me to be who I am. Supportive. Loving. Desiring the best for me. Loyal. True. I love that about You. You are a real friend. Teach me to be that kind of friend to someone in need of a good friend. A real friend will be able to say, "hey, we had a misunderstanding, but let's work through things and figure out what wrong and strive for it to not happen again." A real friend loves and forgives and doesn't abandon their friend in a time of need. A real friend never quits a friendship. Thank You for teaching me that. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Cinderella

I had the privilege of seeing Cinderella Saturday as a part of a new movement in the Birmingham area to bring more sensory friendly films to families with special needs. First, what is a sensory film? A sensory film is one in which the sound is a little softer and the lights are not turned all the way off. It allows for us sensory seekers to get up and move and engage more as needed. Now, why Cinderella on a post about my journey through theology which has its ups and downs? Because Cinderella is what some may call redemptive. Be brave and stay strong and courageous. God tells His people this a lot in the scriptures. He tells us to be brave and fight for justice in this world. What is justice when it comes to human relations? Justice is standing up against any and all oppression, whether it is someone who is abused because they are different or because their life circumstances are worse than someone else's. Justice stands up and advocates for the least of these, many of whom do not have the voice to do so themselves. One of our moments to stand up for justice is when we see that someone is being mistreated. Do we turn our backs on them for fear of what might happen to us or do we say, "hey, that's not right! Now stop!" And stand with the one being oppressed? One of my favorite news stories that has recirculated this past week is about the cheerleader with Down syndrome, who when bullied, had the entire team quit playing and rally around her. 

Another lesson presented in Cinderella is that of hardship. Here, we have a young girl who faced hardship. First, the death of her mother, then her father, then an abusive stepmother. I love the presentation of the stepmother in this presentation of Cinderella though. She was essentially misunderstood because she faced her own hardships as well. Although I still hate that Cinderella was mistreated while the daughters were treated like queens in the home. But in the face of hardship, what did Conderella do? This is what stands out a lot as well.

Fairy godmothers. Oh, how I wish! There is not a fairy godmother in real life nor is God is some "sky fairy." God allows us to go through hard things in life and sometimes it is to strengthen us and prepare us for bigger things. Like when He totally breaks us and then speaks to us in scriptures in order for us to turn around and teach others through what we have learned. Some people will not take too kindly to this, but others will have AHA! moments. I am now an advocate for others, who like me, face hardships because of their differences. And one of my opportunities is this week as I travel to meet with some state leaders to discuss issues that we face, especially in adulthood. 

The most beautiful element to me in the whole Cinderella film? Not the blue ball gown which was stunning, but the moment when as she was walking out the door of the home she had grown up in, she turned around to face her stepmother who was on the staircase to say, "I forgive you" and the stepmother then basically collapses on the stairs. That was also the most powerful moment. It was the moment that defined whether Cinderella would live in bitterness as she moved to the next chapter in her life or whether she would be able to put everything behind her. It is a moment I long for with each and every person and circumstance in life and it is one that I have not arrived at just yet. I expect there will be remnants that will creep back up and stab me in my heart. And as I work through those remnants, I will be faced with bittersweet choices and opportunities. I will find during those moments that either people will be supportive or they will be spiteful. But in that scene, I saw God as He relates to His children. God turning to us and saying, "I forgive you dear child. Now what will you do with that?" 

Oh, God, as I, and many others, have our Cinderella moments in life, work through us and help us, strengthen us, help us overcome, no, not overcome, help us rose above the hardships that life presents us. For only through You and Your love and. Your tender mercy, do we even stand a chance at standing up against the injustices that keep being tossed in our directions. Thank You for using a film to help teach a hard lesson. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Sufficient Grace and Always Present

Deuteronomy 31:6 - "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."

II Corinthians 4:6-7 - For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.

II Corinthians 12:9 - But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

I Peter 3:3-4 : Do not let your adorning be external–the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing–but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

Dear God, thank You that Your power is made perfect in my autism, my immune deficiency, my sensory issues, my ADHD, my GI issues, my weaknesses in general. Thank You for never leaving me or forsaking me. I am only human. I make mistakes. It is what I do through those mistakes that determines who I am and how You are working in and through my life. Forgiving Tom or offering him forgiveness if he also will forgive me took a lot of You working in and through me to do. It was not just me, but Your power through my weakness. Trusting You is the harder part though. Thank You for all You do. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

With You and For You

Psalm 46:1-3 - God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

Luke 1:37 - "For nothing will be impossible with God."

Romans 8:31 - What the shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 

Dear God, sometimes it can be so hard to wait on Your timing. Like with the forgiveness to and from Tom. But I had to do some personal growing so that I could make that gesture without feeling that I absolutely had to do it. And although I cannot forgive his church overall, particularly those who were the actual abusers, I can forgive him and I can wait on him to forgive me. Because he is still important enough as a person to me for me to do that. And when he does forgive me, it will be all the more beautiful because it will be in Your time, not mine, which means it will not be forced. I was not forced to write that note to offer forgiveness. I did not feel forced nor did I feel pressured. So it felt more natural. And I am trying to learn to rest in your timing. It can seem slow sometimes, but it is important. Thank You for growing me in this area. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Do Not Conform to the World

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Romans 12:2 - Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. 

Romans 12:2 (NIV) - Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you be able to test and approve what God's will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

Dear God, I want to have an ever increasing attentiveness to Your presence. I need my mind recharged and refreshed and renewed each and every night and day. While the world may want to make me exactly like everyone else, You did not create me to be exactly like everyone else. You created me to be my own person in You and to follow my own path after You. You created me, autism and all, with a purpose, and no one can change that no matter how hard they might want to try. It will take me a long time to recover from the abuses I went through at Oak Mountain, but I trusted You and took a first step and offered Tom forgiveness and trust You that You will work in his heart to bring about restoration and reconciliation. In today's America, we have a group of people calling themselves Christians but trashing on the president, trashing on the poor, and trashing on anyone who is not white, is not perfect, is differently abled. It is disgusting that they dare do these things while claiming to be Christians. Your words are very clear with respect to the president, the poor, and the differently abled. Your word is very clear with respect to how we are to treat fellow human beings. To do anything else is not Your will. Thank You for renewing my mind everyday and creating me in such a way that being different is actually cool! In Jesus' Name, Amen!

One of a Kind

John 15:4 - "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me." 

II Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 

Ephesians 2:10 - For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. 

I John 4:7-8 - Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 

I John 4:7 (ICB) - Dear friends, we should love each other, because love comes from God. The person who loves has become God's child and knows God.

Dear God, help me to always stay on my path so I can become the person You created me to be, and help me to never let anyone try to change my path and deter me from being who You created me to be! Not everyone is supposed to be on the same path or the same journey, though their paths may indeed cross. If everyone was supposed to be the same, the world would be so dull and boring. It's like with the film, The Giver, where they stripped away color and emotion because they had decided that humans basically abused them and should all be the same. Yes, humans do abuse color and emotion, but to make everyone and everything the same? That film was good at teaching the importance of differences. And on that note, God, I want to ask that if You do not mind, I would love very much if Tom would forgive me knowing now that I am ready to forgive him when he is ready. And on another note, please, God, open the hearts of the people who keep protesting about black lives. Please open their hearts and their minds. They are being the racists of today and they are a mean bunch of hypocritical people at that. They read racism into everything if it doesn't agree with their mindset, and they are hurting their cause. Please, God, also protect the police officers. One of my former friends was a police officer and if not for him, who knows what would have happened after my car accident. He was off duty that night, but he still came to help me. Also, God, protect the innocent. We have lost special needs individuals at the hands of untrained police officers, unarmed, innocent of any crime. Police need to go back to what it was before-shoot to disarm, but don't shoot to kill. But considering how things are now, is it really smart to let a bunch of untrained citizens have guns as well? God, thank You for Your love and for adopting me. Keep us all safe. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen! 

The Language of Heaven

Psalm 100:4-5 - Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name!

Acts 9:18-19 - And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he rose and was baptized; and taking food, he was strengthened.

Colossians 3:15 - And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

Revelation 19:3-6 - Once more they cried out, "Hallelujah! The smoke from her goes up forever and ever." And the twenty-four elders and the four living creatures fell down and worshiped God who was seated on the throne, saying, "Amen. Hallelujah!" And from the throne came a voice saying, "Praise our God, all you his servants, you who fear him, small and great." Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out, "Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns."

Dear God, help me to stay focused on You. Help me to just relax and let You take the wheel. How fitting this passage is that it fell on Thanksgiving Day this year. Thank You for allowing me to outlive the doctor prognosis placed on me at birth by 31 years now. I may not be the healthiest, but I am alive. Thank You for my precious furbabies, Katie and Molly. Undoubtedly, they would not have lived as long as they have if not for You placing them in my life. Not only do I have special needs, but so do they. Thank You for teaching me ACTIVE grace. Thank You for teaching me REAL compassion. Thank You for teaching me that generosity isn't just about giving money, but giving time and energy to truly just be there for others. And yes, thank You for Tom, who even though he has yet to ask for forgiveness or to forgive me, he will eventually because he is a wise person who does care. I know that in my heart. Thank You also for my mom, who understands me better than many others ever will. Help her find a new job soon so she will not worry about where the money for bills will come from. And thank You for Dee at the library who is allowing me to volunteer one day a week right now to help me get accustomed to doing something that will build endurance and might eventually lead to a job. She is a very wise woman who has found some of my many strengths. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Words of Grace

John 7:38 - "Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'" 

Ephesians 5:18-21 - And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Philippians 4:5-7 - Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Dear God, when Tom acted unreasonably toward me and became hateful and began believing lies and spreading lies, I thought there was no way I could ever forgive him for the pain he caused. He acted in a way that was up characteristic of him and not at all what I know he is able to be. But God, You are growing me. Tom may have had some unrealistic expectations of me and I of him. If he asks for forgiveness, he will have it. If he does decide to refriend me on Facebook as evidence of his forgiveness toward me, I will accept it. Because that is what a real friend does. That is what a real friend who has put God at the center of the relationship does. It is about grace. It is also about mercy and love and reverence. My heart is overflowing with You right now and I ask You to allow me to share it with Tom and with whoever else encounters me. Now does that mean that I will always be perfect in demonstrating You to others? No. And the crazy thing is that I have also learned that Jesus sometimes had a hot temper as well. And was brutally honest. Please open that door for reconciliation and restoration with Tom. Thank You, God. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

That's Not Fair

Isaiah 61:10 - I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

Romans 5:3-5 - More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Ephesians 1:7-10 - In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ, as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and on earth.

Colossians 3:12-13 - Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.

Colossians 3:13 (ICB) - If someone does wrong to you, then forgive him. Forgive each other because The Lord forgave you.

Dear God, no, God, life is not fair and it is not fair that the disabled people suffer so many injustices in this world. No, God, it is not fair that Tom who knew what was happening was wrong but did nothing. No, it is not fair that he hurt me. But God, you say that he and I need to forgive each other just as you have forgiven each of us if he is a Christian. So help me God. Help me to reach out in trust in writing. I have been afraid to do that. Not through an e-mail. Not through a text message. Not through a phone call. But through a letter. And help him to respond. Thank You God for being more than fair to me with Your grace and love and mercy and peace. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I Already Know

Matthew 6:34 - "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Matthew 6:34 (NLT) - So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.

John 10:10 - "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I cam that they may have life and have it abundantly."

James 4:13-17 - Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"–yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do, for him it is sin.

Dear God, thank You for already being in tomorrow so I only need to worry about today. Tomorrow is dental cleaning day and discussing moving forward with the dreaded root canal the dentist said I need. Now that I have dental insurance, there are no more excuses to not move forward with things so my tooth will stop hurting. Though I think it has an inflammation. God, as I was reading the passage in James for today, I read further and I realized that Tom did sin when he treated me the way he did. But I also need to ask myself something. What is Your response to sin and sinners? You hate the sin. You prod the sinner. You lord the sinner so that the sinner understands his or her sin, repents, and can receive Your oerfect grace, love, mercy, and forgiveness. So how can I demonstrate You to Tom? That is my assignment this week. After the dentist tomorrow, my assignment needs to be to initiate demonstrating You to Tom. The fact that he knew that what the church did was wrong and the fact that he did nothing to stop it and then further exacerbated things by doing what he did was a sin. Period. But what You do and what You did for us while we were yet sinners is nothing short of amazing. So I want to follow suit. Because You have demonstrated Yourself to me. So now I need to demonstrate You to others. Thank You for everyday lessons, God. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Be Free

Psalm 68:19 - Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Selah

Psalm 68:19 (CEV) - We praise you, Lord God! You treat us with kindness day after day, and you rescue us.

I John 1:7-9 - But if we walk in the light, as he in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I John 4:15-21 - Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother. 

Dear God, just as You have forgiven me, I want, no, I need to forgive a certain person as well. Since he has failed to be the bigger person that I had known him to be, help me to be the bigger person. Help me to blow him away with the same loving kindness You show me every day. Give me strength. The passages in I John are actually really valuable lessons. They are either evidence of his heart or they could be evidence of my growth. I had some of the words I needed for a letter, but not quite all of them. Help me. Guide me. Lead me. Help me find some unpressured time to just write. Help me give him the door to receive forgiveness and final reconciliation. What he did was wrong. How he did it was wrong and unnecessary. But the fact is that he did it. He has one thing he can do to show willingness to receive forgiveness. He knows exactly what that is. And if he truly does believe in You, then he would find a way to do that one thing without worrying what others might think or do. So not only do I ask for You to strengthen me and help guide me, but I ask You to strengthen him and guide him. This will not be an easy thing by no means, but it may the very thing we both need to go through in order to have insurmountable growth. As for fellowship with others, that is hard when most churches seem to actually hate people with special needs, evidenced by the fact that most do not have special needs ministries for children AND adults. They do not embrace people and families with special needs. They try to "fix" or "change" the person with special needs. When they finally get told to cool their jets, they might develop "care teams" that ultimately do MORE harm than good and permanently damage the person. When a person who commits a sin that gets made public to an entire congregation can be fully restored while a person who commits a "smaller" sin that never gets made fully public and then is diagnosed with autism but suddenly gets treated as though autism is the sin and does not get restored fully after going through the same process, something is wrong. It evidences a discrimination that should NEVER exist in a church at any point in time. That church lacks evidence of You, God, and I know it now. I know it and I would imagine he does, too. I would imagine many have awakened to that. While these passage speak to my heart, and his heart, they also speak to the heart of that church. Essentially, You gave a litmus test. You have a few, but they all seem to come back to whether someone says they love You but how do they treat their fellow believer or brother/sister and if they say they love You but act with hate toward their brother/sister, then they cannot possibly love You because You are love. Therein lies the dilemma for me though. I know I need to offer a chance for the offending brother to receive forgiveness and the opportunity to demonstrate forgiveness as well, but yet, should I since based on his actions, he does not even love You, God? Do I offer them an opportunity to receive forgiveness or do I reject them altogether because based on their actions they have evidence that they do not have You? They speak so much about grace yet they failed the real test of grace when it came to the action of grace. Give me wisdom, God, for I am in a conundrum. Thank You, God for forgiveness and for mercy and for grace and for loving kindness. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

The Price I Paid

Isaiah 61:10 - I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

Isaiah 61:10 (NLT) - I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness.

II Corinthians 5:21 - For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Ephesians 4:20-24 - But that is not the way you learned Christ!—assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to out off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Dear God, thank You for clothing me with salvation and righteousness and love and forgiveness. Thank You for paying the great price of clothing me with Your grace and mercy. Oh how the clothing of love flows! Oh how gorgeous and soft the clothing of forgiveness! How warm the clothing of salvation and righteousness! It truly is the only clothing that was made just for me! There is no price tag on it because I can do nothing and I cannot pay enough for it. How majestic Your clothing makes me feel! Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Sticks and Stones

Proverbs 12:18 - There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Ephesians 4:29 - Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 

James 1:19-20 - Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires.

Dear God, Help me as I prepare myself to write the words You gave me for the letter to Tom. Help me to keep it short and simple and also to write it in such a way that he will be willing to respond. Maybe I should just tell him that if he wants to know the truth to reach out to me. Just let him know that what he thinks he knows is not what really happened. Tell him briefly the truth. And nothing but the truth. Give him the window to come through for the rest. Offer him the chance to receive forgiveness. His actions were louder than his words. His actions broke my spirit. His actions were hateful. His actions didn't jive with what a Christian should do or even what a Christian is called to do. But I know his actions also didn't line up with how he acted toward me before the conflict arose either. And that is why I have hope that if I write the letter, he will do the right thing and the conversation that needed to happen will happen. Better months later than immediate because at least by now, both of us should have had time to cool off. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Actually, words can be more damaging to the soul. I still carry scars from all the times when damaging words were spoken. Mikki - "If you cannot focus, then maybe you shouldn't come to church at all." Way to infer that my ADHD and my ASD should be used as an excuse for the church to discriminate against me. Tom - "Our attempts to mainstream her have been ineffective." Yeah, because they were not attempts to mainstream. They gave me a document and asked me to sign to allow them to continue to abuse me and discriminate against me! Tom - "We approached things in the wrong way. We were wrong." That was really the best thing and the most accurate thing that Tom said about all of what had happened. That is why I know in my heart that if I give Tom a second chance to come through, he most likely will. Because there is a man in there that does still care. He just needs to know that his young friend is willing to give him that second chance he needs if he is willing to ask for forgiveness. God, You really a God of second chances and third and fourth and fifth and sixth and so forth. So why shouldn't we be as well, if we are Your children? Matter of fact, if we are Your children, then that is exactly how we should be! The only exception is if it is physically unsafe. And Tom knows that is not the case with me. He knew that when he told me that they claimed I was "dangerous." The only reason that those other men at his church see me as "dangerous" is because I am honest to a fault and for some reason, they feel threatened by the truth. Which does not look good for them. If the truth threatens them so much, then they have a problem with corruption. Just like politicians. Oh! Now I understand what my friend who said she was thinking about changing churches because she felt their church has become too political meant! And she is correct. And that may also need to be written to Tom. Because he needs to know. There is a lot he needs to know. That church is going to destroy him and he needs to know so he can make a wise decision before it does if it hasn't already. In the words of Ryan Pittman when he was sharing his testimony, if the church does not have special needs people involved in every aspect of its ministries, then DON'T! In other words, don't go there. And don't let them. He was right. With autism now having a 1 in 68 diagnosis rate for young children, it is time for churches to change to accommodate both children and adults. Sensory rooms, sensory friendly services, inclusion with assistance, inclusion period. These things can work well for autistics, individuals with Down syndrome, and even neurotypicals who just need to refocus and recenter. Sticks and stones can hurt. But words can hurt even more and the lasting effects can take longer to recover from. Thank You God for another valuable lesson. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

The Gift of Your Time

Psalm 21:6 - For you make him most blessed forever; you make him glad with the joy of your presence.

Psalm 21:6 (ICB) - You always gave him blessings. You made him glad because you were with him.

Psalm 103:6-14 - The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel. The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever.mhe does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions form us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

John 7:38 - "Whoeevr believes in me,mas the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'"

Dear God, help me to always give You the gift of my time. It is the least I can do considering how much You do and have done for me even though I have not always recognized it. God, I was really moved by the passage in Psalm 103 today. When I write my letter, help me evidence willingness to do just that with Tom. When he receives it and reads it and responds to it, help him to do the same. If he is really one of Your children, he will. Because he always did that before the lies he bought when the conflict arose, the conflict that could have ended differently had he just talked with me like he knew he should have done to start with but did not do. He knew better but he didn't do what he knew he should have done. But I am being called to more, by You, to take the initiative now. Because You have not let me forget and You have melted the bitterness toward him that resulted from what he did. You are not asking me to release him if he fails to show repentance and evidence a desire to be forgiven, but You are asking me to offer him the opportunity and a chance. And that is all a human can do. Willingness is better than nothing at all. It is his choice whether he wants it or not. Thank You God for all that You teach me during our time together. In Jesus' Name, Amen!