Psalm 25

Teach Me Your Paths

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me. Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame; they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!

Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. 

For your name's sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great. Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land. The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net.

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins.

Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me. Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me to be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you.

Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles.

Dear God, 

What would You have me learn from this passage? You will teach me Your paths and lead me in Your truth. You are the God of my salvation. You are merciful. Your love is steadfast. You are faithful. You are gracious. God, You know that which troubles me. You know my heart. You know my fears. You have a heart for the least of these. You will not allow republicans to take away their access to healthcare. 

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

A Crown for You

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." - Psalm 103:1-5

Thus says the Lord: "The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." - Jeremiah 31:2-3

"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us." - Psalm 62:8

Dear God,

You have a crown for me that is better than any crown that man could ever fashion because the crown You have for me is one of love and mercy. I depend on the blessings of love and mercy and You delight in giving them to me. I just need to admit how much I need You. There is no limit to what You can do for me. Your love is a gift. Your love will last forever. And You give me tender mercy again and again. I will make mistakes but You will forgive me when I come to You. I am Yours, the child of the King. You bought me with Your own blood. And You crown me with Your love and mercy. Today, I hang on to these promises as I have to go to clinic and possibly ER because of pain and fever. I ask that You continue to work on my behalf to make sure the republicans don't screw up my access to healthcare and medicine I need. I ask that You continue to provide.

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

Worship Him Only

Isaiah 55:8-9 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. 

Matthew 11:28 - "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

I Timothy 6:13-16 - I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who in his testimony before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, to keep the commandment unstained and free from reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which he will display at the proper time–he who is blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen.

Revelation 2:4 - "But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first."

Dear God, thank You for grace. Thank You for rest. Thank You for having higher ways and thoughts than I can even comprehend. I had a rough day all around yesterday. I found out someone tried to ruin my life over something they likely misinterpreted and that they had called one of many volunteer places to try to smear my reputation. The slander is indeed very hurtful and very sad. To stoop so low like that. The plus side is that they did not get away with it as they chose to be anonymous with their claim. I am highly doubtful that it was a friend of mine though as all of my friends who know me well enough know that I have autism and that I sometimes lack social graces and conventions. They know they can ignore what I have said, clarify what I have said, or distance themselves from me. If it was a stranger, it was probably one I already blocked for being a bully on another media page. Some people seem to think that they have the right to an opinion but that no one else does. In my rising advocacy, I am going to run into people who will hate me. I read Matthew 10 yesterday after I cooled off a little from that report about what happened. I learned that if I will endure this, what that mentally sick person did to try to harm me and my livelihood, that I will be saved from the persecution. They may drag me through hell, but they will not win. I am out there in my community trying to THRIVE and trying to give back to my community which has blessed me beyond words despite of my autism, and the haters are going to hate, but they are NOT going to win. You are the good and kind and perfect judge. And I will leave that enemy that did that malicious thing to Your hands. Vengeance is YOURS. Not mine. If it was a friend, though, help me figure out who it was so I can remove them from my life. I do not need friends who try to destroy me or bring me down. God, help my love for You to never grow lukewarm. I want my love to always be real and genuine just like it is for my mom and my true friends. God, on another note that I need to turn over to You, I had the crushing notice that my really good insurance plan will be cancelled at the end of the year, right when we are finally getting some things figured out at that. It is not just an inconvenience, it is not right. It is an injustice. The third thing I need to turn over to You is the fact my doctor made a promise and then retracted on his promise to help me get the treatment I actually need. So I will pray that you will give my allergist/immunologist the ears to really truly hear my concerns about my immune system crashing and that You will give him the wisdom to consider a trial run of infusions for me for just a short time so we can see if they would help. I want my quality of life back. What little bit of life I may left. If not, may we see what our first and last vacation might be and then may You allow me dignity in the time I have remaining on this earth. I am scared, God. I am tired. I am tired of being sick all the time. I am exhausted. And I am turning everything over to You and putting everything into Your hands. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Cinderella

I had the privilege of seeing Cinderella Saturday as a part of a new movement in the Birmingham area to bring more sensory friendly films to families with special needs. First, what is a sensory film? A sensory film is one in which the sound is a little softer and the lights are not turned all the way off. It allows for us sensory seekers to get up and move and engage more as needed. Now, why Cinderella on a post about my journey through theology which has its ups and downs? Because Cinderella is what some may call redemptive. Be brave and stay strong and courageous. God tells His people this a lot in the scriptures. He tells us to be brave and fight for justice in this world. What is justice when it comes to human relations? Justice is standing up against any and all oppression, whether it is someone who is abused because they are different or because their life circumstances are worse than someone else's. Justice stands up and advocates for the least of these, many of whom do not have the voice to do so themselves. One of our moments to stand up for justice is when we see that someone is being mistreated. Do we turn our backs on them for fear of what might happen to us or do we say, "hey, that's not right! Now stop!" And stand with the one being oppressed? One of my favorite news stories that has recirculated this past week is about the cheerleader with Down syndrome, who when bullied, had the entire team quit playing and rally around her. 

Another lesson presented in Cinderella is that of hardship. Here, we have a young girl who faced hardship. First, the death of her mother, then her father, then an abusive stepmother. I love the presentation of the stepmother in this presentation of Cinderella though. She was essentially misunderstood because she faced her own hardships as well. Although I still hate that Cinderella was mistreated while the daughters were treated like queens in the home. But in the face of hardship, what did Conderella do? This is what stands out a lot as well.

Fairy godmothers. Oh, how I wish! There is not a fairy godmother in real life nor is God is some "sky fairy." God allows us to go through hard things in life and sometimes it is to strengthen us and prepare us for bigger things. Like when He totally breaks us and then speaks to us in scriptures in order for us to turn around and teach others through what we have learned. Some people will not take too kindly to this, but others will have AHA! moments. I am now an advocate for others, who like me, face hardships because of their differences. And one of my opportunities is this week as I travel to meet with some state leaders to discuss issues that we face, especially in adulthood. 

The most beautiful element to me in the whole Cinderella film? Not the blue ball gown which was stunning, but the moment when as she was walking out the door of the home she had grown up in, she turned around to face her stepmother who was on the staircase to say, "I forgive you" and the stepmother then basically collapses on the stairs. That was also the most powerful moment. It was the moment that defined whether Cinderella would live in bitterness as she moved to the next chapter in her life or whether she would be able to put everything behind her. It is a moment I long for with each and every person and circumstance in life and it is one that I have not arrived at just yet. I expect there will be remnants that will creep back up and stab me in my heart. And as I work through those remnants, I will be faced with bittersweet choices and opportunities. I will find during those moments that either people will be supportive or they will be spiteful. But in that scene, I saw God as He relates to His children. God turning to us and saying, "I forgive you dear child. Now what will you do with that?" 

Oh, God, as I, and many others, have our Cinderella moments in life, work through us and help us, strengthen us, help us overcome, no, not overcome, help us rose above the hardships that life presents us. For only through You and Your love and. Your tender mercy, do we even stand a chance at standing up against the injustices that keep being tossed in our directions. Thank You for using a film to help teach a hard lesson. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Words of Grace

John 7:38 - "Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'" 

Ephesians 5:18-21 - And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Philippians 4:5-7 - Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Dear God, when Tom acted unreasonably toward me and became hateful and began believing lies and spreading lies, I thought there was no way I could ever forgive him for the pain he caused. He acted in a way that was up characteristic of him and not at all what I know he is able to be. But God, You are growing me. Tom may have had some unrealistic expectations of me and I of him. If he asks for forgiveness, he will have it. If he does decide to refriend me on Facebook as evidence of his forgiveness toward me, I will accept it. Because that is what a real friend does. That is what a real friend who has put God at the center of the relationship does. It is about grace. It is also about mercy and love and reverence. My heart is overflowing with You right now and I ask You to allow me to share it with Tom and with whoever else encounters me. Now does that mean that I will always be perfect in demonstrating You to others? No. And the crazy thing is that I have also learned that Jesus sometimes had a hot temper as well. And was brutally honest. Please open that door for reconciliation and restoration with Tom. Thank You, God. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

That's Not Fair

Isaiah 61:10 - I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

Romans 5:3-5 - More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Ephesians 1:7-10 - In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ, as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and on earth.

Colossians 3:12-13 - Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.

Colossians 3:13 (ICB) - If someone does wrong to you, then forgive him. Forgive each other because The Lord forgave you.

Dear God, no, God, life is not fair and it is not fair that the disabled people suffer so many injustices in this world. No, God, it is not fair that Tom who knew what was happening was wrong but did nothing. No, it is not fair that he hurt me. But God, you say that he and I need to forgive each other just as you have forgiven each of us if he is a Christian. So help me God. Help me to reach out in trust in writing. I have been afraid to do that. Not through an e-mail. Not through a text message. Not through a phone call. But through a letter. And help him to respond. Thank You God for being more than fair to me with Your grace and love and mercy and peace. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I Already Know

Matthew 6:34 - "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Matthew 6:34 (NLT) - So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.

John 10:10 - "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I cam that they may have life and have it abundantly."

James 4:13-17 - Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"–yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do, for him it is sin.

Dear God, thank You for already being in tomorrow so I only need to worry about today. Tomorrow is dental cleaning day and discussing moving forward with the dreaded root canal the dentist said I need. Now that I have dental insurance, there are no more excuses to not move forward with things so my tooth will stop hurting. Though I think it has an inflammation. God, as I was reading the passage in James for today, I read further and I realized that Tom did sin when he treated me the way he did. But I also need to ask myself something. What is Your response to sin and sinners? You hate the sin. You prod the sinner. You lord the sinner so that the sinner understands his or her sin, repents, and can receive Your oerfect grace, love, mercy, and forgiveness. So how can I demonstrate You to Tom? That is my assignment this week. After the dentist tomorrow, my assignment needs to be to initiate demonstrating You to Tom. The fact that he knew that what the church did was wrong and the fact that he did nothing to stop it and then further exacerbated things by doing what he did was a sin. Period. But what You do and what You did for us while we were yet sinners is nothing short of amazing. So I want to follow suit. Because You have demonstrated Yourself to me. So now I need to demonstrate You to others. Thank You for everyday lessons, God. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Be Free

Psalm 68:19 - Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Selah

Psalm 68:19 (CEV) - We praise you, Lord God! You treat us with kindness day after day, and you rescue us.

I John 1:7-9 - But if we walk in the light, as he in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I John 4:15-21 - Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother. 

Dear God, just as You have forgiven me, I want, no, I need to forgive a certain person as well. Since he has failed to be the bigger person that I had known him to be, help me to be the bigger person. Help me to blow him away with the same loving kindness You show me every day. Give me strength. The passages in I John are actually really valuable lessons. They are either evidence of his heart or they could be evidence of my growth. I had some of the words I needed for a letter, but not quite all of them. Help me. Guide me. Lead me. Help me find some unpressured time to just write. Help me give him the door to receive forgiveness and final reconciliation. What he did was wrong. How he did it was wrong and unnecessary. But the fact is that he did it. He has one thing he can do to show willingness to receive forgiveness. He knows exactly what that is. And if he truly does believe in You, then he would find a way to do that one thing without worrying what others might think or do. So not only do I ask for You to strengthen me and help guide me, but I ask You to strengthen him and guide him. This will not be an easy thing by no means, but it may the very thing we both need to go through in order to have insurmountable growth. As for fellowship with others, that is hard when most churches seem to actually hate people with special needs, evidenced by the fact that most do not have special needs ministries for children AND adults. They do not embrace people and families with special needs. They try to "fix" or "change" the person with special needs. When they finally get told to cool their jets, they might develop "care teams" that ultimately do MORE harm than good and permanently damage the person. When a person who commits a sin that gets made public to an entire congregation can be fully restored while a person who commits a "smaller" sin that never gets made fully public and then is diagnosed with autism but suddenly gets treated as though autism is the sin and does not get restored fully after going through the same process, something is wrong. It evidences a discrimination that should NEVER exist in a church at any point in time. That church lacks evidence of You, God, and I know it now. I know it and I would imagine he does, too. I would imagine many have awakened to that. While these passage speak to my heart, and his heart, they also speak to the heart of that church. Essentially, You gave a litmus test. You have a few, but they all seem to come back to whether someone says they love You but how do they treat their fellow believer or brother/sister and if they say they love You but act with hate toward their brother/sister, then they cannot possibly love You because You are love. Therein lies the dilemma for me though. I know I need to offer a chance for the offending brother to receive forgiveness and the opportunity to demonstrate forgiveness as well, but yet, should I since based on his actions, he does not even love You, God? Do I offer them an opportunity to receive forgiveness or do I reject them altogether because based on their actions they have evidence that they do not have You? They speak so much about grace yet they failed the real test of grace when it came to the action of grace. Give me wisdom, God, for I am in a conundrum. Thank You, God for forgiveness and for mercy and for grace and for loving kindness. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

The Price I Paid

Isaiah 61:10 - I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

Isaiah 61:10 (NLT) - I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness.

II Corinthians 5:21 - For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Ephesians 4:20-24 - But that is not the way you learned Christ!—assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to out off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Dear God, thank You for clothing me with salvation and righteousness and love and forgiveness. Thank You for paying the great price of clothing me with Your grace and mercy. Oh how the clothing of love flows! Oh how gorgeous and soft the clothing of forgiveness! How warm the clothing of salvation and righteousness! It truly is the only clothing that was made just for me! There is no price tag on it because I can do nothing and I cannot pay enough for it. How majestic Your clothing makes me feel! Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

The Gift of Your Time

Psalm 21:6 - For you make him most blessed forever; you make him glad with the joy of your presence.

Psalm 21:6 (ICB) - You always gave him blessings. You made him glad because you were with him.

Psalm 103:6-14 - The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel. The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever.mhe does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions form us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

John 7:38 - "Whoeevr believes in me,mas the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'"

Dear God, help me to always give You the gift of my time. It is the least I can do considering how much You do and have done for me even though I have not always recognized it. God, I was really moved by the passage in Psalm 103 today. When I write my letter, help me evidence willingness to do just that with Tom. When he receives it and reads it and responds to it, help him to do the same. If he is really one of Your children, he will. Because he always did that before the lies he bought when the conflict arose, the conflict that could have ended differently had he just talked with me like he knew he should have done to start with but did not do. He knew better but he didn't do what he knew he should have done. But I am being called to more, by You, to take the initiative now. Because You have not let me forget and You have melted the bitterness toward him that resulted from what he did. You are not asking me to release him if he fails to show repentance and evidence a desire to be forgiven, but You are asking me to offer him the opportunity and a chance. And that is all a human can do. Willingness is better than nothing at all. It is his choice whether he wants it or not. Thank You God for all that You teach me during our time together. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Your Special Path

Micah 6:8 - He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

Micah 6:8 (ICB) - The Lord has told you what is good. He has told you what he wants from you: Do what is right to other people. Love being kind to others. And live humbly, trusting your God.

Ephesians 2:10 - For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Dear God, I understand that each person has his or her path in life. This is why I do not understand why Tom's church did what they did to me. They tried to change the path You had me on. And in doing that, they hurt me more than anyone ever could. When Tom did what he did, he knew he was wrong to do so. Yet he still did it. He knew he should have talked to me. Yet he didn't. Yet this is where things get weird, You, God, have taught me more about Your grace and Your love and Your mercy and Your kindness and Your forgiveness these past few months more so than Tom and most definitely more so than his church ever did. It turns that Your grace and love and mercy and kindness and forgiveness are more real and more alive than what even they could ever comprehend themselves and I have experienced it firsthand and now it is spilling over and You are asking me to share it. With Tom and with others. But You see. I have been through a lot and it was recommended that I write to Tom's church. But I think the reason I haven't printed that letter yet and sent it is because it isn't his church that I need to come to terms with yet. It is Tom. And then if he accepts, them it is his church. So help me God. Help me to write the words I need to say to him, the truth he needs to hear, maybe even for the first time. Or maybe the thousandth time as old and ancient as he is in terms of life experience because he is not really old and ancient. Anyway, God, each person does have his or her own path, and as it turns out, his church was wrong to interfere with Your work in my life and it was wrong to exclude me the way it did. Maybe it would have been different had they not tried to change who I am, who You created me to be. And I think even Ginny knew that which is why she told me some things that they would not be happy to know she told me. Because Ginny knew I needed to come into my own person and that the other two on that "team" were damaging me. They may not have intended to inflict damage, but they were actually very divisive which is what caused the damage. And until they address the root of the problem, they will never be able to grow as a church that is good for the people. They will only continue to fall away from You. I mean, even other people are struggling with that church and for a variety of reasons. Maybe it is time for them to stop and listen. Because they are falling apart from the inside out. God, thank You for the path. You have me on. I may long, it may be rough, and it may sometimes seem like it is a mystery to me, but thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen! 

Live in My Light

Isaiah 61:10 - I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

John 8:12 - Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

I John 1:7 - But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

I John 1:7 (CEV) - But if we live in the light, as God does, we share in life with each other. And the blood of his Son Jesus washes all our sins away.

Dear God, I appreciate Your forgiveness and love and mercy. What I don't appreciate is the fact that Tom and his church treated my autism as though it was a sin and punished me for having it. And that Tom got away with lying about what happened and spreading those lies around and using them against to hurt me. Fellowship with one another. Share in life with each other. Yet so many people just like me do not get to enjoy fellowship with others because of the exact same thing that happened to me. With regard to that, what do I need to ask forgiveness for? What do I need to confess? I was made to feel shame and guilt for something that I really have no control over. You created me to have autism. You chose me to have autism. You did it for a reason which has started to come to light these past few days. The hatred Tom and his church acted with because of the autism, that is what needs correcting. Still gathering my thoughts for the letter I must send. It has been hard and challenging as just last week I got sidelined with an inflamed muscle that only just started settling down. My arm is no longer inflamed. But the therapies are starting to intensify. Life is starting to intensify. At a time when most people get to relax and start heading for vacations, I am gearing up for what will hopefully become the biggest collaboration in the two county area in which I live, inviting churches of different denominations to be a part of something that is bigger than themselves to help come along side of and send people who may be hungry for a family social and support group just for those who are touched by special needs. And I know that some churches may end up just ignoring it, but others will embrace it. And those that embrace it may end up adopting people like me. Which would be awesome. Those that don't? I feel sad for them that they are missing out on really experiencing You and what You intended for them. God, take whatever negative stones I am carrying though and exchange them with me for whatever positive gifts You have for me. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I Never Run Out

II Corinthians 5:7 - for we walk by faith, not by sight.

Philippians 4:19 - And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Dear God, Thank You for never running out of love or peace or forgiveness or mercy. Truth be told, if Tom had been genuine and truly is a Christian, then he would not have run out either. Because when someone truly plugs into You, God, they cannot run out either. They can run out of energy because our bodies are not designed to go on forever nor are our minds, which is why You give us the night so we can sleep and be refreshed, but in terms of love and forgiveness and mercy, those things we cannot run out of if we are truly connected and plugged into You. Hunger and poverty are real. Yes, God. And right now we have crackpots called republicans holding summits but refusing to actually allow those who know these issues first hand to speak up while they also plot again to this who are facing them head on and cutting the social safety nets against Your Words and commands. But let us not be spiritually Hungary or spiritual impoverished even if we are physically hungry or physically impoverished. It really is hard to imagine You never running out when we compare You to the people and the world around us. Help me remember. Fill me up. Thank You. In Jesus's Name, Amen!

Watch to See What I Will Do

Micah 7:7 - But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.

Micah 7:7 - But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.

Romans 8:28 - And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Dear God, I am glad that You often forgive and overlook and use the mistakes in life. And You actually let people make mistakes yet never stop loving them. First mistake with Tom and he turned into an ugly, hateful monster who didn't follow Your command to seek peace and restoration. First mistake with his church and they never let go of it and never showed the grace they claim to practice. And for what is worth, autism is not a mistake and neither am I. They degraded and devalued me as a person. They made mistakes yet they failed to own up to them and they blamed me for their mistakes. God, You are gracious and loving and forgiving and just and merciful and wise. You care about me. You would never hurt me like Tom did. And I know You want for Tom and I to talk. I know You want me to write that letter and offer him the grace You have given me and give him that chance. And I know You want me to offer his counterparts the same opportunity. Thank You for Your loving kindness. In Jesus' Name, Amen! 

You Are More by Tenth Avenue North (YouTube)

There's a girl in the corner

With tear stains on her eyes

From the places she's wandered

And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here? 

I'm not who I once was.

And I'm crippled by the fear

That I've fallen too far to love."

But don't you know who you are,

What's been done for you? 

Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems that you create,

You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it

That she's been given new life

But she can't shake the feeling

That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers

And she's rehearsed all the lines

And so she'll try to do better

But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,

But what's been done for you.

This is not about where you've been,

But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel, 

But He felt to forgive you,

And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

You've been remade

You've been remade.

You've been remade.

You've been remade.

Peace for Today

Exodus 16:13-21 - In the evening quail came up and covered the camp, and in the morning dew lay around the camp. And when the dew had had gone up, there was on the face of the wilderness a fine, flake-like thing, fine as frost on the ground. When the people of Israel saw it, they said to one another, "What is it?" For they did not know what it was. And Moses said to them, "It is the bread that the Lord has given you to eat. This is what the Lordhas commanded: 'Gather of it, each one of you, as much as he can eat. You shall each take an omer (2 quarts or 2 liters), according to the number of persons that each of you has in his tent.'" And the people of Israel did so. They gathered, some more, some less. But when they measured it with an omer, whoever gathered much had nothing left over, and whoever gathered little had no lack. Each of them gathered as much as he could eat. And Moses said to them, "Let no one leave any of it over till the morning." But they did not listen to Moses. Some left part of it till the morning, and it bred worms and stank. And  Moses was angry with them. Morning by morning, they gathered it, each as much as he could eat; but when the sun grew hot, it melted.

Philippians 4:6-7, 19 - do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Hebrews 4:16 - Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 4:16 - Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Dear God, You have basically said I need to be a peace gatherer like the Israelites were manna gatherers. Thank you for the fact that YOU give peace, grace and mercy and that You NEVER waver from that. Teach the people who claim to adhere to practice such grace how to do so properly. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Don't Be Tricked

I Corinthians 13:13 - So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

II Corinthians 4:18 - ...as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Ephesians 3:20-21 - Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Dear God, According to this, You are most definitely sovereign. But it seems that we, as humans, often forget this fact. If only we would rest in Your sovereignty then maybe we might actually stand a fighting chance against all that is evil and against Your word. By that, I don't mean that we call a president names or speak ugly about him just because we might disagree with something he does. God, please bless President Obama as I know that he has been trying to bring America back to You through actions of trying to make sure that those who most need assistance have it. Healthcare for one. It seems that in light of everything that has been happening in America, people, including those who claim to be Christians, have forgotten You and what Your purpose for our lives really is. They have allowed color to blind them and their integrity. They have shown that racism is still very much alive in America. And they have proven that greed is abundant in their attitude toward poor and sick people. They do not want to make sure that everyone has food or healthcare because they think that people are just lazy. But that is simply not the truth at all. If it were not for taxes, there truly might not be any charity at all in America. Americans are greedy. I know. I am an American, and it is hard for me to want to part with whatever little bit of money I might have. When a church discriminates against someone because that person has special needs and then they go so far as to even say comply with our discrimination against you, give us permission to abuse you more than we already have or else we will not show you any mercy no matter what the situation, it proves how greedy and how corrupt and how vile churches have even become when it comes to people in need. It breaks my heart. Faith, hope, and love. They are eternal. But sometimes it is hard to keep them when people keep knocking you down and beating up on you and bruising your spirit. Help me God to keep them strong though. Help me this next week to finish the letter and the chart to go with it. Help me to actually send it. Help me not be afraid and to keep trusting You. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I Never Run Out

Psalm 36:7-9 - How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light.

Psalm 132:15 - I will abundantly bless her provisions; I will satisfy her poor with bread.

Psalm 132:15 (ICB) - I will bless her with plenty of food. I will fill her poor with food.

John 6:1-15 - After this Jesus went away to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, which is the Sea of Tiberias. And a large crowd was following him, because they saw the signs that he was doing on the sick. Jesus went up on the mountain, and there he sat down with his disciples. Now the Passover, the feast of the Jews, was at hand. Lifting up his eyes, then, and seeing that a large crowd was coming toward him, Jesus said to Philip, "Where are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?" He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he would do. Philip answered him, "Two hundred denarii would not buy enough bread for each of them to get a little." One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, said to him, "There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are they for so many?" Jesus said, "Have the people sit down." Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, about five thousand in number. Jesus then took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated. So also the fish, as much as they wanted. And when they had eaten their fill, he told his disciples, "Gather up the leftover fragments, that nothing may be lost." So they gathered up and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves, left by those who had eaten. When the people saw the sign that he had done, they said, "This is indeed the Prophet who is to come into the world!" Perceiving then that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, Jesus withdrew again to the mountain by himself.

Dear God, Thank You God that You NEVER run out of time, love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, or anything else. Unlike Tom who ran out at the first sign of conflict instead of tryng to do what You say and trying to resolve things and ended up becoming an abuser and a bully just like the rest of the leadership at his church who ran out of grace as soon as they got back the autism diagnosis. As You fill me with Your love and grace and forgiveness and compassion and mercy though, it begins to overflow such that I must follow through on the next thing You have called me to do and reach out to them with an offer to meet me in the middle and talk through things. You see, in a way, when they chose to punish me for how YOU created me, they chose to punish YOU. And like that film, God's Not Dead, I need to prove You to them and to the world now. I have been challenged beyond measure because of them, because of Tom. Oh, and I can see characteristics of autism in Jesus. Looking at the passage in John 6 from today's devotional lesson, Jesus travels specifically with twelve disciples. Of those twelve, he has two or three that he truly considers to be His FRIENDS. And although He was a great speaker, whenever He was done, He always sought a place of solitude and isolation afterward. He had to separate from the crowds that tended to always follow Him or find Him. In the John 6 passage, He withdrew because He was afraid that the crowd would try to make Him a king. See, I got asked about why I thought You, God, have characteristics of autism, and then the argument was that Jesus was always with a crowd, and then I broke that down. The response I got was "very interesting way to look at it." Also, I mentioned about how no two colors are the exact same, no two white roses are the same, no two snowflakes the same, and even the platypus. Then I said, "What if we, who have autism, are the normal ones and the rest of the people are not?" In a way, that is true. I am not the weird one. Tom is. Mark is. I embrace my autism as a part of who I am. I embrace it as part of the big huge gift You gave me. It is part of the package of life that YOU gave me. But they tried to change me to fit their mold. And when they couldn't, they tried to isolate me and they punished me for being who YOU created me to be. They punished YOU. You don't run out. People do. Even the people who claim to follow You. Though to truly follow You, they would have to strive to resolve conflict with others. And that is where things are now. My next action that You are calling me to do is to prepare a letter and a chart for them and to send it to them. Then I have to trust that You will follow through on Your part since You are calling me to do this. And as hard as it is for me to trust You, I am going to do just that because You have been coming through on what some people might consider small things (though they are not small at all). Thank You God. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

My Gift to You

II Corinthians 3:18 - And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

Ephesians 2:8-9 - For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

Ephesians 3:14-19 - For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 

Ephesians 3:18 (ICB) - And I pray that you and all God's holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ's love. I pray that you can understand how wide and how long and how high and how deep that love is.

Dear God, It is amazing that we can do NOTHING to earn Your love or grace or mercy yet You FREELY give it to us anyway. While the world has a distorted view of this. Tom and hai church displayed to me through what they did that grace either doesn't exist, that they don't truly understand grace, or that grace has to be earned somehow. And I think maybe that is where they have gone wrong. They place a lot of emphasis to people about being in small groups yet they took away the right for me to do that very thing. Then they guilted me over something that they did wrong with regard to it. When they found out about the autism, they punished me for it by taking away my rights to be a part of the body - you can't do this activity because you have autism and this might happen and then this might happen and this is what we think because supposedly autism is like this. Yet the thing is they were misinformed. They didn't bother to consider me or what I was capable of. They assumed that somehow the autism made me less capable. So yes, in a sense I gave up because they gave up on me and they excluded me. I will only put forth the amount of effort that one requires in some cases and when people don't expect much from me for some reason and don't give me the chance to grow and to do and to thrive, I won't try as hard. When they punished me for having autism, I quit trying. Because I figured that no matter how hard I try, it wouldn't matter anyway. Because I had already experienced that with that "team." While I had been trying, they only kept holding me back. So I quit trying. Thankfully God, You haven't given up on me, but now I am not ready because the one thing I know I need to do and the one place I know I need to be, well, it's in Your hands and You have to work on softening their hearts and preparing them for me. They have to be willing to sit down with me and listen to me and receive input from me. They have to be willing to listen without judgment. They have to open their eyes, their ears, and their hearts to listen to me and to work with me. Thank You God, that Your love and grace is not contingent on what I do or how hard I try. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

No More Boring Days

Psalm 118:24 - This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Phillippians 4:6-7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 - Do not worry about anything. But pray and ask God for everything you need. And when you pray, always give thanks. And God's peace will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. The peace that God gives is so great that we cannot understand it. (ICB)

Philippians 4:19 - And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Dear God, You say I am to pray and ask You for everything. And sometimes I wish You would just hurry and be more clear about things too. For I know that based on scripture, we are to aim for restoration with everyone, particularly those who are fellow believers. I know that we are to seek peace with one another, and we are to show grace and love and forgiveness and mercy and tenderness and even at times justice. And as much as I wish I could do that with Tom, he also needs to do the same with me. So I will simply ask this because it is in line with Your word, please bring about a conversation so that these things can be done in accordance to the scripture. I am worried because I don't know what will happen at the presbytery level, but I am going to try really hard to trust You on a level that is next to impossible for me to do that they will form the committee to help get to the bottom of things and maybe even to help truly resolve things. God, I will also ask for clarity of mind as I embark on a big challenge this year along with many others that I may not even know about yet in order to put together a book that will challenge and guide every church in America in the coming months and years. It is a book that I have been thinking about doing for a while, but until recently, I didn't understand just how much it was needed. But in response to The Reason I Jump, it is one that needs to happen. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Don't Worry by Rebecca St. James 

On the corner of Fifth and Broadway

I was walking to the grocery store on Third

I saw a man up on a box

He seemed a little unorthodox 

He was preaching up a storm

As I walked on by he said

Don't worry about your life

Cause if you hold it too close

You'll lose it

Don't worry about your life

So won't you let go

Before it's gone

A little further on I saw a beggar on the street

He asked for change and then gave me his life story

Says he was a millionaire, made some bad decisions there

Now a dollar fifty could feed him for a week

And he said

Don't worry about your life

Cause if you hold it too close

You lose it

Don't worry about your life

So won't you let go

Before it's gone

Then I see the birds 

I watch them fly

They've got everything they need

They show me why I can be free

Knowing You will care for me

Finally at the grocery store

My mind is filled with many thoughts 

As I bump into a girl I knew from high school

She said, "What's different about you girl?"

And I smiled and said, "This is what I know is true

And I'll pass it right along to you"

Don't worry about your life

Cause if you hold it too close you lose it

Don't worry about your life

So won't you let go before it's gone

Tuesday Thought

So this Westboro Baptist Church group which has extremist thinking and seems fixated on the sin of homosexuality and wants to blame every bad thing that happens on homosexuality is coming to Tuscaloosa to assert their misbelief that the tornadoes of April 27, 2011 were God's wrath for homosexuality? Well, this could be interesting!

They are a hate group. They make Christians, TRUE Christians, look bad. They give God a bad name. 

Their website address? www.godhatesfags.com. Ordinarily, I wouldn't be so bold about things like this, but seriously, I do feel that I must speak up on this. 

First of all, yes, I do believe in predestination because it is scriptural. Second, I do believe Jesus came to die for our sins to make a way for us to come to God. It's called grace. Third, I do believe that sexual immorality is a sin based on Scripture, but I don't believe God sent disasters just because of that. I looked up the flood they referenced on their site. No where in the first six chapters was there reference to sexual immorality (that I could make out literally). God was sad that people had become so violent so He destroyed them. There are, after all, many sins. 

I live in Alabama. Let me tell you what I remember. When that tornado came (which I literally called a monster), it tried to destroy a state, a region. Physically, it did destroy a lot. But let me tell you what else I saw in the hours, days, weeks and months that followed. I didn't see a God of hate and judgment. I saw a God of love, compassion, grace and mercy as people came from all the state and the country and even from around the globe to help Alabama residents recover. I saw outpourings of love from all over the world. Does that sound like the wrath of God? 

Alabama stands strong in the face of adversity. Alabama will always stand strong. 

What this WBC group does is wrong. They spread hate. Our response should be love and grace. I secretly pray that a minister will join any counter protest against them and share the TRUE Gospel with them. Because they clearly haven't heard it. 

And Wiki, as much as I am against it, has a good write up on them and their leader.  But what I would love to see and hear is what area pastors have to say about this group and its beliefs. 

In the end, we are not God and we don't know everything about God except for what He chose to reveal to us. In the end, God is the only one who can judge anyone. But in the meantime, we must fight against false teachers, which is what WBC is. They are a sick people, and much to my shock, the irony is that another hate group, the KKK, finds WBC to be too extreme even for them. 

Dear God, I pray over this stir that WBC is causing touting that natural disasters are because of Your wrath. I am sad that this group misinterprets Your Word and perverts in such a manner that it can literally cause people to turn away from You and from TRUE Christians who are not hateful. I know You are in control of all things even when I am less than certain, and You are even in control of this situation. I know You hate no person. You hate the sins they do and You feel sorrow for them, but You love them all the same. I pray that You awaken WBC to their wrongdoings and continue to work in those who encounter them in a positive manner. It's in Your hands. Thank You for loving me and for blessing me. Thank You for blessing Alabama and for loving its residents. In Jesus' Name, Amen.