I Give You Power

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13

"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me." - John 15:4

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him." - Psalm 28:7

Dear God,

You give me power and strength. You give me everything I need to face anything, whether good or bad. But I have to stay close to You. I really do not feel strong right now. And I am having a hard time trusting You to take care of things, but God, You have compassion for the least of these and I know You would not allow harm to come to them, so I ask You again to make sure those republican monsters do not cause them harm by stripping away our healthcare. By trusting You to do what is right in this situation, I can be ready for what happens. You are in control of everything that takes place in my life. And you do constantly protect me from dangers. So God, I am leaning on Your power right now. Today is yet another day in which I need You to intervene in a huge way. And thank You for intervening yesterday.

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

Worship Him Only

Isaiah 55:8-9 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. 

Matthew 11:28 - "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

I Timothy 6:13-16 - I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who in his testimony before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, to keep the commandment unstained and free from reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which he will display at the proper time–he who is blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen.

Revelation 2:4 - "But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first."

Dear God, thank You for grace. Thank You for rest. Thank You for having higher ways and thoughts than I can even comprehend. I had a rough day all around yesterday. I found out someone tried to ruin my life over something they likely misinterpreted and that they had called one of many volunteer places to try to smear my reputation. The slander is indeed very hurtful and very sad. To stoop so low like that. The plus side is that they did not get away with it as they chose to be anonymous with their claim. I am highly doubtful that it was a friend of mine though as all of my friends who know me well enough know that I have autism and that I sometimes lack social graces and conventions. They know they can ignore what I have said, clarify what I have said, or distance themselves from me. If it was a stranger, it was probably one I already blocked for being a bully on another media page. Some people seem to think that they have the right to an opinion but that no one else does. In my rising advocacy, I am going to run into people who will hate me. I read Matthew 10 yesterday after I cooled off a little from that report about what happened. I learned that if I will endure this, what that mentally sick person did to try to harm me and my livelihood, that I will be saved from the persecution. They may drag me through hell, but they will not win. I am out there in my community trying to THRIVE and trying to give back to my community which has blessed me beyond words despite of my autism, and the haters are going to hate, but they are NOT going to win. You are the good and kind and perfect judge. And I will leave that enemy that did that malicious thing to Your hands. Vengeance is YOURS. Not mine. If it was a friend, though, help me figure out who it was so I can remove them from my life. I do not need friends who try to destroy me or bring me down. God, help my love for You to never grow lukewarm. I want my love to always be real and genuine just like it is for my mom and my true friends. God, on another note that I need to turn over to You, I had the crushing notice that my really good insurance plan will be cancelled at the end of the year, right when we are finally getting some things figured out at that. It is not just an inconvenience, it is not right. It is an injustice. The third thing I need to turn over to You is the fact my doctor made a promise and then retracted on his promise to help me get the treatment I actually need. So I will pray that you will give my allergist/immunologist the ears to really truly hear my concerns about my immune system crashing and that You will give him the wisdom to consider a trial run of infusions for me for just a short time so we can see if they would help. I want my quality of life back. What little bit of life I may left. If not, may we see what our first and last vacation might be and then may You allow me dignity in the time I have remaining on this earth. I am scared, God. I am tired. I am tired of being sick all the time. I am exhausted. And I am turning everything over to You and putting everything into Your hands. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Seek to Live in God's Love

I Peter 4:8 - Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sons. 

I John 4:18 - There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 

Revelation 2:4 - "But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first."

Dear God, perfect love casts out fear. Love covers a multitude of sins. Today, God, I really need Your love surrounding me and my family. We knew that grandmother would not have much time left. She was discovered to have her stomach in her esophagus due to a really weak hernia that allowed it to move. Mom said she had lost a lot of weight as it was and she was not exactly that big to start with. The phone call yesterday from her sister was earth shattering though. She told my mom that she needed to go down and say good-bye and that my uncle was flying in as well. The doctors are apparently advising not to force her to eat or to give or any of her regular medicines and have her some morphine for pain. God, this raises a couple of issues for me personally. The pain and suffering that comes with the end of life stages at times is unbearable. Out of compassion, we allow our pets to be out to sleep. Why can we not allow our loved ones the same dignity other than some stupid laws that say it is wrong? What seems wrong to me is that we allow people to suffer so much? The second thing it brings up for me is that I don't know what to do or what to say to help my mom through this. The pain is so unbearable. I was never that close to grandmother but it hurts that she is going to leave this earth as well. And there are a lot of uncertainties now. A lot of loose ends that will have to be dealt with in the coming weeks after. God, mom feels betrayed right now. She just had the most awful woman basically abuse her and treat her like a maid when what she was hired to do was something else entirely different than what she got stuck doing in the end. And that lady is rude and old. And she feels You picked the wrong person to take away. And God, I don't know where grandmother stands with You. In her last years, I have not heard her talk much about You at all. She spent a lot of time by herself during the days. And she and I have never really had common ground. She was so quiet and withdrawn. I hate that the family will be reuniting under these circumstances. I really do. Today, God, not only do I need Your love to envelop all of us in my family, but I also need clarity. In these next couple of days, I will largely be responsible for myself and the animals. This is the main reason why I cannot go down yet. That and I cannot handle the emotional good-byes like that. I'm already so horribly confused by the emotions of this situation. I have to somehow be strong right now and I cannot do that if I am confused. Oh, God, perfect love casts out fear. Please help me! Thank You so much for love inexpressible. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

The Language of Heaven

Psalm 100:4-5 - Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name!

Acts 9:18-19 - And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he rose and was baptized; and taking food, he was strengthened.

Colossians 3:15 - And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

Revelation 19:3-6 - Once more they cried out, "Hallelujah! The smoke from her goes up forever and ever." And the twenty-four elders and the four living creatures fell down and worshiped God who was seated on the throne, saying, "Amen. Hallelujah!" And from the throne came a voice saying, "Praise our God, all you his servants, you who fear him, small and great." Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out, "Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns."

Dear God, help me to stay focused on You. Help me to just relax and let You take the wheel. How fitting this passage is that it fell on Thanksgiving Day this year. Thank You for allowing me to outlive the doctor prognosis placed on me at birth by 31 years now. I may not be the healthiest, but I am alive. Thank You for my precious furbabies, Katie and Molly. Undoubtedly, they would not have lived as long as they have if not for You placing them in my life. Not only do I have special needs, but so do they. Thank You for teaching me ACTIVE grace. Thank You for teaching me REAL compassion. Thank You for teaching me that generosity isn't just about giving money, but giving time and energy to truly just be there for others. And yes, thank You for Tom, who even though he has yet to ask for forgiveness or to forgive me, he will eventually because he is a wise person who does care. I know that in my heart. Thank You also for my mom, who understands me better than many others ever will. Help her find a new job soon so she will not worry about where the money for bills will come from. And thank You for Dee at the library who is allowing me to volunteer one day a week right now to help me get accustomed to doing something that will build endurance and might eventually lead to a job. She is a very wise woman who has found some of my many strengths. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

The Gift of Your Time

Psalm 21:6 - For you make him most blessed forever; you make him glad with the joy of your presence.

Psalm 21:6 (ICB) - You always gave him blessings. You made him glad because you were with him.

Psalm 103:6-14 - The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel. The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever.mhe does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions form us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

John 7:38 - "Whoeevr believes in me,mas the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'"

Dear God, help me to always give You the gift of my time. It is the least I can do considering how much You do and have done for me even though I have not always recognized it. God, I was really moved by the passage in Psalm 103 today. When I write my letter, help me evidence willingness to do just that with Tom. When he receives it and reads it and responds to it, help him to do the same. If he is really one of Your children, he will. Because he always did that before the lies he bought when the conflict arose, the conflict that could have ended differently had he just talked with me like he knew he should have done to start with but did not do. He knew better but he didn't do what he knew he should have done. But I am being called to more, by You, to take the initiative now. Because You have not let me forget and You have melted the bitterness toward him that resulted from what he did. You are not asking me to release him if he fails to show repentance and evidence a desire to be forgiven, but You are asking me to offer him the opportunity and a chance. And that is all a human can do. Willingness is better than nothing at all. It is his choice whether he wants it or not. Thank You God for all that You teach me during our time together. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I Am Good

Psalm 34:8 - Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

Psalm 34:8 (ICB) - Examine and see how good the Lord is. Happy is the person who trusts the Lord.

Isaiah 55:8-9 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Dear God, please help me trust that You are working for the good in my life even in times of hardships. Although I would prefer to understand the why of things, just like anyone else. But this past week has given everyone a glimpse of just how much we may never understand. A child left in a hot car all day died. And it seems that it may be possible that the father may have planned it and no one has heard what the mother thinks about everything being said about her husband or her child. A man is in jail possibly missing his child's funeral today. Media are trying to turn the funeral into a media circus. And the man might not get the fair trial he has a right to because too many people have condemned him before knowing ALL the facts. Even the most thorough story released leaves questions to be asked. And even I am trying to believe the best, but am starting to lean toward condemning him based on that thorough story. But where the case sets a slippery slope is knowing that the majority of cases in which a child has been left in a hot car have never resulted in charges or jail, and this case may set precedent. Especially when there are so many self-righteous hypocritical judgmental "I would never forget my child!" parents out there who although they might not have had it happen yet could have it happen and then may face the same judgments as this man has. If the internet search on the man's computer and if it was before he was arrested, then yes, he may deserve to be judged and condemned, but if the internet search happened and if it was after his arrest, then he has been unfairly judged and the people who have already condemned him in their hearts and minds are guilty of sin. Someone actually had the nerve to tell me they hope that I am not a parent just because I posted questions that needed answering before I could pass a judgment and reminders of the tips the media has been sharing ever since the first summer a child died from being forgotten in a hot car. They were mean and ugly when they said that and I said when I do become a parent to an adopted child that my child will learn to love and respect others and to look for the best and never spread hate or judgment before knowing all the facts like that woman did when she said those things to me. And as much as I would hope to be the best parent I could possibly be, I know and my child will know that I will never be perfect. But here is where I do see the good in why You have chosen to allow me to go through the physical problems I have right now, God. It pushes me toward adoption as an avenue and I will be able adopt some older children who have been waiting for their forever families for a long time. I always said since I saw my first animal birth that I was just going to adopt. It looked painful and messy. And I told my mom I never want to go through that. I was probably 8 at the time. At age 10, I had my own My Girl moment with the body changes. And I said it again. I said I was just going to adopt. When the anemia shut down part of my body functioning, I told the doctor, I can just adopt anyway, so why do I need it? I meant what I said and I have never veered from the idea of adoption. But right now people are asking how any good parent can forget their child in a car. If the child is still rear facing and the child falls asleep (no sound and no movement), it is possible. Not every parent has those special mirrors because they inhibit the safety of the vehicle to start with. The media has been suggesting that parents immediately leave their own things in the back seat of the car when they put their child in and put the child's things in the front seat so that if they pull into work and reach for their things but instead grab the child's things, it jogs their memory after what might be a horrendous commute that the child needs to be dropped off first. And because so many of these cases happen every year, car manufacturers are working on a special sensor to install in the cars or the car seats. We have sensors and alerts for everything else in a car, why not one that could prevent more of these deaths from happening? That was also where the lady was rude with me and told me she hoped I wasn't a parent. She claimed I was wanting a car to be a nanny. Um...no. And if I was a parent, I would my car to have all the bells and whistles necessary to make my family safer. Others have said, well, maybe we should still be allowed to have the child in the front seat. No. Most vehicles come standard with front passenger airbags and if a car equipped with those ends up in a front end collision, while the child might not be ejected from the car, the force of both a front and a side airbag could instantly kill a child in the front seat. That is why the labels suggest leaving the child in the back until a certain age, height, or weight. Under the new standards, I would have been in a booster seat until close to the end of high school because I was tiny then. I keep saying that instead of judging the people who do forget, that we need to come up with a solution to prevent more of these cases from happening. But then there are still people who jumped on me for saying that. I suggested that since so many people are attached to their phones that they set reminders in the phones. And I explained that part of the forgetfulness comes from the fact American society as a whole has become too busy for its own good. Which actually is quite sadly true. Then someone else jumped down my case for saying that. She got blocked though because I was tired of her nonsense. But I have experienced the busy-ness of people and I have often suffered because of it, so I know. And the one thing I do have the right to say is stop! You are not going to drag me into being so busy that I cannot function or breathe or have time for myself. My body will crash and burn if I dragged into that mess. I know because at least once a week, I do have a body crash. It shuts down on me mentally, emotionally, or physically. And it is not a pleasant experience. So when it does that, I have to stop and change my plans and let my body have its rest. And maybe that comes with the territory of the autism and the sensory issues, but it is a good things because it means I am learning what I need and what I can and cannot handle and how to deal with it. Thank You God for giving me that wisdom. Thank You for I stilling compassion in me and a desire for the entire truth in all situations. If only others had the same desire for the whole truth, then maybe I would not have to write and send what may be the hardest letter that I will ever have to write and send to someone who needs to recognize and know the truth and then will have to be open to responding in kind. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I Never Run Out

Psalm 36:7-9 - How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light.

Psalm 132:15 - I will abundantly bless her provisions; I will satisfy her poor with bread.

Psalm 132:15 (ICB) - I will bless her with plenty of food. I will fill her poor with food.

John 6:1-15 - After this Jesus went away to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, which is the Sea of Tiberias. And a large crowd was following him, because they saw the signs that he was doing on the sick. Jesus went up on the mountain, and there he sat down with his disciples. Now the Passover, the feast of the Jews, was at hand. Lifting up his eyes, then, and seeing that a large crowd was coming toward him, Jesus said to Philip, "Where are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?" He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he would do. Philip answered him, "Two hundred denarii would not buy enough bread for each of them to get a little." One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, said to him, "There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are they for so many?" Jesus said, "Have the people sit down." Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, about five thousand in number. Jesus then took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated. So also the fish, as much as they wanted. And when they had eaten their fill, he told his disciples, "Gather up the leftover fragments, that nothing may be lost." So they gathered up and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves, left by those who had eaten. When the people saw the sign that he had done, they said, "This is indeed the Prophet who is to come into the world!" Perceiving then that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, Jesus withdrew again to the mountain by himself.

Dear God, Thank You God that You NEVER run out of time, love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, or anything else. Unlike Tom who ran out at the first sign of conflict instead of tryng to do what You say and trying to resolve things and ended up becoming an abuser and a bully just like the rest of the leadership at his church who ran out of grace as soon as they got back the autism diagnosis. As You fill me with Your love and grace and forgiveness and compassion and mercy though, it begins to overflow such that I must follow through on the next thing You have called me to do and reach out to them with an offer to meet me in the middle and talk through things. You see, in a way, when they chose to punish me for how YOU created me, they chose to punish YOU. And like that film, God's Not Dead, I need to prove You to them and to the world now. I have been challenged beyond measure because of them, because of Tom. Oh, and I can see characteristics of autism in Jesus. Looking at the passage in John 6 from today's devotional lesson, Jesus travels specifically with twelve disciples. Of those twelve, he has two or three that he truly considers to be His FRIENDS. And although He was a great speaker, whenever He was done, He always sought a place of solitude and isolation afterward. He had to separate from the crowds that tended to always follow Him or find Him. In the John 6 passage, He withdrew because He was afraid that the crowd would try to make Him a king. See, I got asked about why I thought You, God, have characteristics of autism, and then the argument was that Jesus was always with a crowd, and then I broke that down. The response I got was "very interesting way to look at it." Also, I mentioned about how no two colors are the exact same, no two white roses are the same, no two snowflakes the same, and even the platypus. Then I said, "What if we, who have autism, are the normal ones and the rest of the people are not?" In a way, that is true. I am not the weird one. Tom is. Mark is. I embrace my autism as a part of who I am. I embrace it as part of the big huge gift You gave me. It is part of the package of life that YOU gave me. But they tried to change me to fit their mold. And when they couldn't, they tried to isolate me and they punished me for being who YOU created me to be. They punished YOU. You don't run out. People do. Even the people who claim to follow You. Though to truly follow You, they would have to strive to resolve conflict with others. And that is where things are now. My next action that You are calling me to do is to prepare a letter and a chart for them and to send it to them. Then I have to trust that You will follow through on Your part since You are calling me to do this. And as hard as it is for me to trust You, I am going to do just that because You have been coming through on what some people might consider small things (though they are not small at all). Thank You God. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Still and Quiet

Isaiah 30:15 - For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, "In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength."

Zechariah 2:13 - Be silent, all flesh, before the Lord, for he has roused himself from his holy dwelling.

Zechariah 2:13 - Be still before the Lord.

II Corinthians 12:9 - But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Dear God, Being still and quiet is hard! Especially when your body is full of energy that wants to get out of you. The harder you try to stifle the energy, the more it wants to just be released. God, I have a worry to release if I am to be still and quiet. You see, there is a matter of the word that Tom used in his letter for my disability court - the same letter that also acknowledges in a sense that he knew that what they were doing was wrong. He used the word "mainstream." The thing is, they did not try to mainstream me after the diagnosis came back. They EXCLUDED me without giving me a chance to try. I love the video I found the other day about in which it indicated that the little girl with autism had learned a lot from being around her neurotypical peers. It reiterated that since we autistics learn best when we are actually with our neurotypical peers, then why would anyone exclude or segregate us? Good point! Especially if it's a church! Shame on any church that dares segregate someone just because the person has a disability! That is not what Jesus would want. That person is just as gifted in his or her own way, just as able to serve God in his or her own way, just as able to worship God in his or her own way, and just as able to be a part of any other activity that anyone else is involved with (although maybe sometimes with assistance in each area)! Woe to the church that dares exclude a single person just because the person has autism and challenges the authority that he or she recognizes is doing something that is blatantly wrong! It is not the person with the autism that is the problem. It is the authority that did the wrong that is the problem. In this case, it is Bob that was the problem. It is Mark that was the problem. It is Ken that was the problem. It is Gordon that was the problem. It is Tom that became the problem because he knew that there were things wrong with the document and that if they would correct it then I would sign it, yet he failed. Tom knew that what the leadership was doing was wrong and that all he needed to do was talk with me and we could have easily resolved things, but he didn't do anything to stop the wrong and then he refused to talk with me or attempt to resolve anything. Then he broke every promise and his compromise which was the last thing he and I agreed to, the last words he spoke to me. He had no justification for it either because I had diligently kept my end of it until after he broke it anyway. I got punished for having one meltdown that he exacerbated! I got punished for having autism. I got punished for the way You created me, God. And You got punished for making me. God, You got punished by them. I saw them put Jesus back on the cross and spit in His face, mocking Him and His words, Your words. Your words that say that if they truly felt I was wrong then they should have engaged in proper and biblical church discipline with me, and had they done so then there could be redemption and rejoicing in it, Your words that say that we are all part of the body and all needed, Your words that say that we are to seek peace and restoration with one another which I have tried but they have refused, Your words that say that as a result of his actions, Tom is not evidencing the marks of a true Christian, not qualified to be a pastor of any kind anywhere anymore, and Your words that would describe Oak Mountain as a church that You would spit back out because it has mistreated someone who is considered to be one of the least of these which would cause them to be sorted out into the goats. Many people seem to think that those passages only apply to individuals, but God, it applies equally to churches as well. Churches are people. And yes, it even applies to government. Though I am not a biblical scholar, far from it, I read of all the government systems that You demanded and commanded to help take care of the least of these. Governments have always made sure their entire kingdoms or countries have had enough food to eat, water to drink, and other basic needs, including healthcare. Because essentially the government consists of people. People who are supposed to take care of each other. Our government has been corrupted by a bad group of wealthy people claiming to be followers of Christ but all the while trying to take away resources to make sure people in need have food and affordable healthcare and resources when they are disabled or retired or veterans. They have become greedy and have shifted to taking care of more people in powerful positions and forgotten the needs of the people and have shifted funds around so that people in need have next tot nothing while people who are not in need get more and more money. And the people get more and more money but do not turn around and use it for what they are supposed to use it on, but only pad their pockets more. Then those same greedy people go back and ask for more money which gets taken away from the people in need again. The people in need are getting beaten up and kicked down in the name of Christ and personal responsibility. Then the people not making the decisions paint this ugly picture of a welfare queen who owns expensive things using tax dollars and buys cigarettes on an EBT card (those cards have many programs on them, they are to cut down on fraud). They don't stop to think that perhaps the picture they paint is not the case MOST of the time. They call everyone on assistance or receiving checks from the government lazy. Government benefits go to many people: veterans who served our country for those people to feel so entitled to judge people receiving checks - the ungrateful jerks right, disabled people who cannot work or can no longer work and not all of the disabilities are visible, the senior citizens who have retired because of old age, the single moms or dads who have lost their husbands or wives to war, the young married couples who have children but only one can work because they cannot afford daycare because one of the kids has special needs that before the ACA was not able to be insured but now can but many of the therapies needed are still not covered by the insurance either because it is not FDA approved and certified or because they consider it investigational or because lawmakers haven't been very inclusive about having those services covered, the mom or dad who escaped an abusive situation or got abandoned and left alone with children. REAL people with REAL problems. How does a person on SNAP have a car? Because either it is used, they had it before needing SNAP, or it doesn't belong to them and they borrowed it from someone. How does a person on SNAP have a cell phone or an iPhone? Because iPhones are not expensive if you get a two year agreement plan, because it was a gift, because it was part of a family plan and family package, because it was purchased during the holiday sales. How does a person on SNAP have Internet? They go to the library or a friend's house with internet or they had it before they ended up needing SNAP. Anymore you need internet to apply for jobs. Since when is the person who is asking these judgmental questions so entitled anyway? People on SNAP are buying steak and lobster! Really? Not unless they get it from the dollar store or have coupons. Most people on SNAP get less than $200 a month. Unless they do serious couponing to make those dollars stretch throughout the whole month, most of them are not buying steak and lobster. And even if they are buying steak and lobster, what business is it of anyone else's what they are eating? What makes that person who is judging so entitled to judge? The sense of entitlement isn't coming from the people on the assistance programs. Chances are many of those people hit rock bottom, asked a church to help, got some help and then got referred to other agencies, peeled away their pride to go to the other agencies, and then got the help they needed when they most needed it. Or the person went to a church for help and got turned away. The only people I see who have entitlement issues are the ones sitting there judging and pointing fingers at the ones who have assistance right now. Many if them are sitting on the internet hours a day mocking and pointing their fingers telling the ones on social programs to get off their lazy butts and get a job. They don't think before they write those hateful and judgmental comments. Many of them claim to be Christians too, then they judge the Christians like me who change political affiliation out of shame and embarrassment that You, God, are being mocked and people are being bullied and abused in Your name. Humanity. What ever happened to it God? Compassion for our fellow humans. Respect for our fellow humans. No, President Obama is not Muslim and even if he was, what does it matter when You, God, ultimately appointed him to be the president? And no, he isn't perfect, no man is. And no, he is not the antichrist. Many presidents have been labelled as such. God, I am glad You listen to what I have to say. I am glad that You care about what I have to say and about what I think. Now it is time for me to take care of some chores then get still and quiet while I finish a book so that I can later be still and quiet absorbed in Your words. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Speak Life by TobyMac (YouTube)

Some days, life feels perfect

Other days it just ain't workin'

The good, the bad, the right, the wrong

And everything in between

Yo it's crazy, amazing

We can turn a heart through the words we say

Mountains crumble with every syllable

Hope can live or die

So speak life, speak life

To the deadest darkest night

Speak life, speak life

When the sun won't shine and you don"to know why

Look into the eyes of the brokenhearted

Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope

You speak love, you speak...

You speak life (oh oh oh oh oh oh) You speak life (oh oh oh oh oh oh)

Some days the tongue gets twisted

Other days my thoughts just fall apart

I do, I don't, I will, I won't

It's like I'm drowning in the deep

Well it's crazy to imagine

Words from our lips as the arms of compassion

Mountains crumble with every syllable 

Hope can live or die

So speak life, speak life

To the deadest darkest night

Speak life, speak life

When the sun won't shine and you don't know why

Look into the eyes of the brokenhearted

Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope

You speak love, you speak...

You speak life (oh oh oh oh oh oh) You speak life (oh oh oh oh oh oh)

Lift your head a little higher

Spread the love like fire

Hope will fall like rain

When you speak life with the words you say

Raise your thoughts a little higher

Use your words to inspire

Joy will fall like rain

When you speak life with the things you say

Lift your head a little higher

Spread the love like fire

Hope will fall like rain

When you speak life with the words you say

So speak life, speak life

To the deadest darkest night

Speak life, speak life

When the sun won't shine and you don't know why

Look into the eyes of the brokenhearted

Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope

You speak love, you speak...

You speak life (oh oh oh oh oh oh) You speak life (oh oh oh oh oh oh)

You speak life (oh oh oh oh oh oh) You speak life (oh oh oh oh oh oh)

Some days life feels perfect

Be Still and Know by Rebecca St. James (YouTube)

Alone in the valley

I cried for You to fill me with

Your peace

So when the lightning strikes

Thunder rolls around me

Still I live in peace

You ask that I...

Be still and know 

You are God

Be still and know

You are God

You are God...

When the fires rage

When the storm surrounds me

Still I live in peace

Though the mountains fall

Crash into the ocean 

Still I live in peace

You ask that I...

Be still and know

You are God

Be still and know

You are God

You ask that I...

Be still and know

You are God

Be still and know 

You are God

You are God...

Lead me through the valley

Lead me by the streams

Restore me and draw me to You God

To You I lift my soul

To You who makes me whole

Gently You hold me close to You

Oooh...close to You...ooohh...

Be still and know

You are God

Be still and know

You are God

Be still and know 

You are God

Be still and know

You are God

Be still and know

You are God

Be still and know

You are God

You are God...

You're near me

You love me

You hold me

You reach me

You still me

You move me

You draw me to You God

You're near me

You love me

You hold me

You reach me

You still me

You move me

You draw me to You God

You are God...

You are God...

(You are God...

You are God...)

You still me, You draw me to You

(You are God...

You are God...)

When the fires rages, still I live in peace

You are God...

The Best Security System Ever

Genesis 28:15 - Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.

Psalm 28:7 - The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.

Psalm 28:7 (ICB) - The Lord is my strength and my shield. I trust him, and he helps me.

Psalm 56:3-4 - When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

Matthew 6:34 - "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Dear God, Thank You for being my shield. And for always looking out for me. I wish that the conflict with Tom would get resolved. And I am going to trust You that it will even if it is through the presbytery pulling together a meeting. I know what he did was wrong. And I know he should have to face the consequences. And he likely will with the presbytery. I would prefer a restoration because Your word says we are to aim for restoration with each other. But I don't know if it is possible since he lied and hurt me as a result of the lies and refused to try to work it out. He hardened his heart and he did it because I have autism. And that is not fair nor appropriate. God, I told my mom that I should get paid for some of the ideas I come up with it. We have been iced in for days, and today she had to go to work with one of the emergency kits just in case. She also grounded my car due to there still being a few issues on the roads. But You protected a lot of us and people showed compassion. I am sad though that that compassion during a crisis is not the norms. See, compassion is something that Tom lacked when he chose to allow the abuse and ended up unnecessarily hurting me as well by joining the abusers and the bullies. Compassion was not something I saw when his church learned that I have autism and began to do everything that they could to tear me down even more than I had already been torn down and to exclude me because of it. That was not compassion. That was not grace. Oh, if only people knew how to show the same kind of compassion they showed during the crisis of the last few days ALL the time! How much better would everything be for everyone then? God, please continue to be a shield for me. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Tuesday Thought

So this Westboro Baptist Church group which has extremist thinking and seems fixated on the sin of homosexuality and wants to blame every bad thing that happens on homosexuality is coming to Tuscaloosa to assert their misbelief that the tornadoes of April 27, 2011 were God's wrath for homosexuality? Well, this could be interesting!

They are a hate group. They make Christians, TRUE Christians, look bad. They give God a bad name. 

Their website address? www.godhatesfags.com. Ordinarily, I wouldn't be so bold about things like this, but seriously, I do feel that I must speak up on this. 

First of all, yes, I do believe in predestination because it is scriptural. Second, I do believe Jesus came to die for our sins to make a way for us to come to God. It's called grace. Third, I do believe that sexual immorality is a sin based on Scripture, but I don't believe God sent disasters just because of that. I looked up the flood they referenced on their site. No where in the first six chapters was there reference to sexual immorality (that I could make out literally). God was sad that people had become so violent so He destroyed them. There are, after all, many sins. 

I live in Alabama. Let me tell you what I remember. When that tornado came (which I literally called a monster), it tried to destroy a state, a region. Physically, it did destroy a lot. But let me tell you what else I saw in the hours, days, weeks and months that followed. I didn't see a God of hate and judgment. I saw a God of love, compassion, grace and mercy as people came from all the state and the country and even from around the globe to help Alabama residents recover. I saw outpourings of love from all over the world. Does that sound like the wrath of God? 

Alabama stands strong in the face of adversity. Alabama will always stand strong. 

What this WBC group does is wrong. They spread hate. Our response should be love and grace. I secretly pray that a minister will join any counter protest against them and share the TRUE Gospel with them. Because they clearly haven't heard it. 

And Wiki, as much as I am against it, has a good write up on them and their leader.  But what I would love to see and hear is what area pastors have to say about this group and its beliefs. 

In the end, we are not God and we don't know everything about God except for what He chose to reveal to us. In the end, God is the only one who can judge anyone. But in the meantime, we must fight against false teachers, which is what WBC is. They are a sick people, and much to my shock, the irony is that another hate group, the KKK, finds WBC to be too extreme even for them. 

Dear God, I pray over this stir that WBC is causing touting that natural disasters are because of Your wrath. I am sad that this group misinterprets Your Word and perverts in such a manner that it can literally cause people to turn away from You and from TRUE Christians who are not hateful. I know You are in control of all things even when I am less than certain, and You are even in control of this situation. I know You hate no person. You hate the sins they do and You feel sorrow for them, but You love them all the same. I pray that You awaken WBC to their wrongdoings and continue to work in those who encounter them in a positive manner. It's in Your hands. Thank You for loving me and for blessing me. Thank You for blessing Alabama and for loving its residents. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

How?

I am so behind but I have two days to catch up. But I want to pose this question and I welcome any comments in answer.

I am anxious. Because of some information that came to light Monday regarding where my heart is right now. I do not know if reconciliation/restoration or even closure will be able to happen.

But while I am anxious and have many thoughts and questions in my head, I am also feeling that weird calm again. The one that is induced by having seen a consistency with a friend even during a transitional time for me and seeing how he has been consistent with grace and love and mercy and forgiveness and compassion and continues to pursue my friendship. Calm induced by excited anticipation that soon we may get to have some real quality time in person.

I want to say something though. I am not perfect and I will make mistakes. In that, I am normal. But I would not desire a magic pill to make my autism go away. Not ever. Because God chose me. And because God chose me, He already knew certain things had to happen. He chose Tom to become a very dear friend to me and with me. He knew Tom could handle things with me because Tom has a big heart. He chose that I would need a few months of non-membership so I could examine my own heart and life and learn some things to prepare for what may lie ahead. And regardless of outcomes, He knows what He's doing even if I don't.

Although grant it, right now I'd be happier if everything were already sorted out.

Oh, and sweat major, but God knew we'd end up with another mouse in the house that I'm beginning to wonder if it might actually be a kangaroo because there is some major noise in the quiet of my house right now!! I'm wishing I had a baseball bat.

So with that note, I'm going to end this post. ILY!!