Monday, December 31, 2012

Inspired

Four things:

1. Started a jar project. Two jars this time. One jar of at least one milestone (can be anything from a new achievement to a health thing to whatever) and one jar for my friend Tom. My only two rules are: I cannot under any circumstance remove the slips from the jars. This could mean that there be repeats, but that's okay. My second rule: I must come up with at least one positive thing each day. The jar for Tom will be part of his Christmas gift next year.

2. Be more positive. The jars will be a visual aid for me. And I may need a huge pickle jar for Tom at the rate things are going, but if that happens, then that reinforces a new habit for me.

3. Dear future husband whoever you may be and wherever you are, I know God has chosen you for me and will bring us together in His time when He knows we are ready for each other. For you see, God made me very different. I have autism and ADHD as well as a special medical diet and allergies among other conditions. God is preparing you to be able to handle special needs and preparing your heart for adoption. Because I will not be able to have biological children due to some health complications. It takes a very special man with a very special heart to be able to love me in the way that God wants me to be loved. And you will have to answer so many questions from so many of the men in my life who have become friends with me and would do anything they can, within reason, to help protect me from being wounded. So to my future husband, we may or may not have ever met before, but that doesn't matter; what matters is that you love God, you treat women right, you have a heart and a compassion for special needs and you're ready and willing to adopt. Oh, and you can't drink or smoke. And must love dogs and cats. You're getting shots if you're allergic because all my life, I've had at least one of each all the time. Sincerely, your future wife

4. WHY DID it take the wise men two years to get to Jesus? If it were wise women, we would've asked directions! But I will do a separate post with my modern spin on the Christmas story. It may even be expanded!

Anyway, I just wanted to share this because for those of you that know about the decision I made, I want you to know that I love you and will miss seeing you as much as I have, but I am happier right now. Scared, but happy. And my friend Tom will know where I end up and will be able to update people on a need to know basis. Which means if he doesn't think someone needs to know, he ain't telling him/her. And it will be to protect me. But don't worry because it's just for a season while God moves the area into a position where churches are not only equipped for special needs children AND adults, but ready and have a heart song for them. The need is growing fast on a daily basis. We are ready for the harvest. We just need workers. And if this is something you have a heart for, feel free to let me know because I need a team to help make ready for what's coming. God has called me, and I am trying to listen, but I don't have all the resources yet. I need other people as well. And if you are local, we can still see each other and I'll come back and visit when my friend is available for special days. But I am happier and more at peace now, so I guess it was the right decision.

Love to all and Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Monday, December 3, 2012

I Wish I Was Normal!

It's sad when a church causes someone to feel so hurt that they would speak those words. It's the biggest insult to God.

But sadly, the document they have me was deemed as abusive, discriminating, and bullying.

So now what? I can't stay because I'll be excluded. But I don't want to lose my friends.

I'm not safe where I am now. I never will be until they start practicing Matthew 25.

What they did is wrong. They hurt me and hurt my relationships because of that one document.

"Flagrant disregard for the peace and purity of the church." Because I consulted experts to try to protect everyone from implications caused by the document. But yet they did the same thing to me spreading word about me against me.

I'm being excluded because I have autism.

I'm afraid. Afraid to lose my friends but more afraid to stay. Staying means excluded. Going means I lose my friends.

I'm confused. And I'm hurt.

Dear God, I'm sorry You made me the way You did. I wish I was normal. Because maybe then I wouldn't be excluded. I'm sorry for insulting You. Please forgive me. Amen.