Do Not Conform to the World

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Romans 12:2 - Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. 

Romans 12:2 (NIV) - Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you be able to test and approve what God's will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

Dear God, I want to have an ever increasing attentiveness to Your presence. I need my mind recharged and refreshed and renewed each and every night and day. While the world may want to make me exactly like everyone else, You did not create me to be exactly like everyone else. You created me to be my own person in You and to follow my own path after You. You created me, autism and all, with a purpose, and no one can change that no matter how hard they might want to try. It will take me a long time to recover from the abuses I went through at Oak Mountain, but I trusted You and took a first step and offered Tom forgiveness and trust You that You will work in his heart to bring about restoration and reconciliation. In today's America, we have a group of people calling themselves Christians but trashing on the president, trashing on the poor, and trashing on anyone who is not white, is not perfect, is differently abled. It is disgusting that they dare do these things while claiming to be Christians. Your words are very clear with respect to the president, the poor, and the differently abled. Your word is very clear with respect to how we are to treat fellow human beings. To do anything else is not Your will. Thank You for renewing my mind everyday and creating me in such a way that being different is actually cool! In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Be Real

Exodus 33:14 - And he said, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

Philippians 4:8-9 - Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me–practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

I John 1:5-7 - This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

Dear God, thank You for helping me to tear down the walls I had up all these years. Sadly, most churches seem to love having the walls to hide behind and when someone comes in who is not afraid to tear down the walls, they seem to suddenly forget what their mission is which is usually to share You with the whole world. That is what I experienced at Oak Mountain. As soon as they found out I have autism, they tried to hide me from everyone. It not only hurt me, but it hurt those closest to me as they saw me hurting. I still pray that Tom and I will be able to reconcile one day soon. But at this point, there is no reconciling with Oak Mountain. The damage they inflicted runs too deep. They made it clear that no person with special needs will ever be welcome there let alone safe there. I do not hide behind walls because it is scarier to do that than to just be open. Help me continue to be real with others. Help me to continue to love others with the love You have loved me with. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

The Good Shepherd

Isaiah 26:7 - The path of the righteous is level; you make level the way of the righteous.

John 10:14-15 - "I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father, and I lay down my life for the sheep."

Dear God, thank You for being the Good Shepherd who does protect me from harm and refuses to allow me to go astray and leave the flock. When Tom claimed he was a shepherd when he hurt me and yet also acknowledged that what his church had done to me was wrong but still allowed it to happen, I honestly do not believe that he fully grasped the fact that a shepherd does not harm any sheep either. But he evidenced that he would rather forget the injured sheep and leave it behind instead of trying to rescue it from danger. Grace? Not there. The evil one? Was in that church. They made it clear that autistic people and other people with special needs are not welcome there. A good shepherd cares for all the sheep that enter his fold, whether they are sick or injured or whole. They never let them fall off a cliff. So thank You, God, that You are not just a good shepherd but that You are the Good Shepherd. You care about all Your sheep. And You never exclude them or throw them under a bus. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Be Free

Psalm 68:19 - Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Selah

Psalm 68:19 (CEV) - We praise you, Lord God! You treat us with kindness day after day, and you rescue us.

I John 1:7-9 - But if we walk in the light, as he in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I John 4:15-21 - Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother. 

Dear God, just as You have forgiven me, I want, no, I need to forgive a certain person as well. Since he has failed to be the bigger person that I had known him to be, help me to be the bigger person. Help me to blow him away with the same loving kindness You show me every day. Give me strength. The passages in I John are actually really valuable lessons. They are either evidence of his heart or they could be evidence of my growth. I had some of the words I needed for a letter, but not quite all of them. Help me. Guide me. Lead me. Help me find some unpressured time to just write. Help me give him the door to receive forgiveness and final reconciliation. What he did was wrong. How he did it was wrong and unnecessary. But the fact is that he did it. He has one thing he can do to show willingness to receive forgiveness. He knows exactly what that is. And if he truly does believe in You, then he would find a way to do that one thing without worrying what others might think or do. So not only do I ask for You to strengthen me and help guide me, but I ask You to strengthen him and guide him. This will not be an easy thing by no means, but it may the very thing we both need to go through in order to have insurmountable growth. As for fellowship with others, that is hard when most churches seem to actually hate people with special needs, evidenced by the fact that most do not have special needs ministries for children AND adults. They do not embrace people and families with special needs. They try to "fix" or "change" the person with special needs. When they finally get told to cool their jets, they might develop "care teams" that ultimately do MORE harm than good and permanently damage the person. When a person who commits a sin that gets made public to an entire congregation can be fully restored while a person who commits a "smaller" sin that never gets made fully public and then is diagnosed with autism but suddenly gets treated as though autism is the sin and does not get restored fully after going through the same process, something is wrong. It evidences a discrimination that should NEVER exist in a church at any point in time. That church lacks evidence of You, God, and I know it now. I know it and I would imagine he does, too. I would imagine many have awakened to that. While these passage speak to my heart, and his heart, they also speak to the heart of that church. Essentially, You gave a litmus test. You have a few, but they all seem to come back to whether someone says they love You but how do they treat their fellow believer or brother/sister and if they say they love You but act with hate toward their brother/sister, then they cannot possibly love You because You are love. Therein lies the dilemma for me though. I know I need to offer a chance for the offending brother to receive forgiveness and the opportunity to demonstrate forgiveness as well, but yet, should I since based on his actions, he does not even love You, God? Do I offer them an opportunity to receive forgiveness or do I reject them altogether because based on their actions they have evidence that they do not have You? They speak so much about grace yet they failed the real test of grace when it came to the action of grace. Give me wisdom, God, for I am in a conundrum. Thank You, God for forgiveness and for mercy and for grace and for loving kindness. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I've Got Plans for You

I Kings 8:22-24 - Then Solomon stood before the altar of the Lord in the presence of all the assembly of Israel and spread out his hands toward heaven, and said, "O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like you, in heaven above or on earth beneath, keeping covenant and showing steadfast love to your servants who walk before you with all their heart, who have kept with your servant David my father what you declared to him. You spoke with your mouth, and with your hand have fulfilled it this day."

I Kings 8:23 (NLT) - O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like you in all of heaven above or on the earth below. You keep your covenant and show unfailing love to all who walk before you in wholehearted devotion.

Galatians 5:22-23 - But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Dear God, You are telling me today that it is okay to be different and that it doesn't matter what other people think. That You sometimes plan for me to stand out from the crowd. I know thos to be true, but apparently this is where that church went wrong. Ginny learned who You designed me to be and encouraged me to find my way in life, YOUR way for me. But she was heartbroken because of how Mikki and Mark treated me. Mikki tried to change me. Not just behaviors or quirks that she didn't like, but who YOU created me to be. And Mark decided to prohibit me from being able to be involved as a member when he realied that I could NOT be changed because I was following the path YOU created for my life. Shame on them. And the thing is Tom refused to understand things until I left to allow time for me to explore things. But now, God, let's explore the fruit of the Spirit again here. Because the other thing I read today is that sometimes You call me to do something that I will not feel ready for but that Your power will make me good enough and brave enough to do. First, let me apply them to Tom and what he did when the conflict arose and he lied and destroyed the friendship instead of seeking reconciliation as You say we are to always do. Did he show love? No. Did he show joy? No. Peace? No. Patience? No. Kindness? No. Goodness? No. Faithfulness? No. Gentleness? No. Self-control? No. Did I? I tried, but even I may have slipped and failed. But because You do call me to more, I will be the one that takes the initiative to reach out to Tom and personally offer him another chance to come into reconciliation. And I will do it as person to person. If, and only if, we can work things out between the two of us, then, and only then, will I reconsider reconciling with his church. But, I will have to be honest. Based on all of my lessons this year, that church may just have to be history. It is too corrupted. It refuses to embrace special needs even though that comprises the majority of the work that Jesus did on earth. And maybe it is not even the whole of it or the whole of its leadership, but the ones who are corrupt and refuse are the ones who are the most vocal there somehow. And that is wrong for them. Corruption occurs when they stifle honest voices. Corruption occurs when the truth is brought to light and they do everything they can to snuff it out. Corruption occurs when a pastor is given TOO MUCH POWER. And sadly, I was NOT the ONLY one who has been hurt by that church because of that corruption. I have met others who crashed and burned because of them, more specifically, because of the pastor there. Oh, God, examine that church and that pastor. And examine my heart as well as I begin to take the first steps toward reconciliation with Tom. Open his heart to the process. And should he desire a third party, open the door for his wife or a mutual friend to participate in the process. Safe territory being his home. Neutral territory being any place that is not the church. God, one last request, now that the AC has been fixed, please do not let me get sick and please keep those without air conditioning cool. It is going to be a HOT one this week in the Deep South! Thank You, God, for the lessons You are teaching me every day. Keep my heart open to them, no matter how hard they might be at times. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Like a Candle

Isaiah 42:2-3 - He will not cry aloud or lift up his voice, or make it heard in the street; a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice. 

Isaiah 54:10 - "For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

Romans 8:26 - Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

Dear God, I need Your comfort and Your rest. I grow weary right now from many things. Renew me. Thank You for being there and for loving me. God, also comfort the family and close friends of Robin Williams. His death announcement last night was very emotional. Teach people what they need to know when they see the film "The Giver" later this week, which I personally think everyone should do. Jeff Bridges was so choked up when asked about Robin Williams. They said he possibly took his own life. I have not heard much about whether he believed in You, but I hope he did because if he did, then he is now at peace with You instead of hurting and having to battle the monster of depression. His death stands as a reminder of why it is more important now than ever for churches to step up and stop treating mental disorders and other special needs as sins and start actually ministering to people who are struggling with them. There are simply not enough counselors out there. His death stands as a reminder of why it is crucial to remove the barriers and stigmas attached to mental health issues so that people will not be afraid to get the help they need. Men, in particular, tend to believe that needing help is a sign of weakness. I disagree. A man who acknowledges that he needs help and then actually seeks help is showing more strength than a man who doesn't. Because when he does, he is showing that he is honest and open. In this assessment, I see where Tom was a coward because instead of dealing with the conflict as he usually would, he bought lies and spread lies instead of actually talking with me about what happened. When confronted with truth, he took a cop out. But I am called to more. The letter will finally be written this week since I will finally have the time. I saw many people who said Robin Williams took the coward's way out. No, he didn't. He did the last thing he thought was the only option left. His death reminds me of what that pastor's family went through last year with their son. I started to call depression a demon, but quickly changed it to monster for a reason. Calling it a demon is the reason churches have failed when it comes to the special needs ministry arena. Too many churches call the special needs and mental illnesses demons and say, "Well, we can pray over them and pray with them and they will be healed of it." STOP!!!! Churches are doing more damage when they do that than if they just actually minister to and with the people who are challenged and blessed by them. And I am one of the people who was damaged because of the existence of that mentality in a church that was supposed to be safe from abuse and bullying, but ended up being so corrupt that I suffered from abuse and bullying instead. God, how my heart aches because to the extent of having special needs myself and seeing my mom's own struggle with PTSD, I really cannot blame Robin Williams for what he did, if he in fact did take his own life. He will be greatly missed though. He brought us all laughter and tears. "Patch Adams" as the doctor who brought comedy to his patients. "Jack" as the boy who grew into a man too fast. "Aladdin" as Genie. "Mrs. Doubtfire" as a nanny because he just wanted to be able to see his children and be a good dad to them. "Dead Poets Society" as the teacher who made an impact on his students. And many other unforgettable roles. Oh, how how we will be sorely missed. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Rock or Sand?

Psalm 42:7 - Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me.

Psalm 95:1-2 - Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation! Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!

Matthew 7:24-27 - "Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on the house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against the house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it."

Matthew 7:24-25 (CEV) - Anyone who hears and obeys these teachings of mine is like a wise person who built a house on solid rock. Rain poured down, rivers flooded, and winds beat against that house. But it did not fall, because it was built on solid rock.

Dear God, anything that does not agree with Your Word is sand and should not be trusted. God, when people try to say they cannot minister to people with special needs even though that is exactly what Your Son did and commands, then they are are going against Your Word. Often when they say that, they have excuses. Well, that is wrong! When they try to force the person with special needs to change or when they try to treat the person with special needs as though their special needs are sins or they exclude them rather than include them, they are going against Your Word. Oh how foolish they are when they do these things! Thank You for teaching me about rock versus sand. Help me to build upon the solid rock and not upon the sand. Thank You! In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Sticks and Stones

Proverbs 12:18 - There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Ephesians 4:29 - Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 

James 1:19-20 - Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires.

Dear God, Help me as I prepare myself to write the words You gave me for the letter to Tom. Help me to keep it short and simple and also to write it in such a way that he will be willing to respond. Maybe I should just tell him that if he wants to know the truth to reach out to me. Just let him know that what he thinks he knows is not what really happened. Tell him briefly the truth. And nothing but the truth. Give him the window to come through for the rest. Offer him the chance to receive forgiveness. His actions were louder than his words. His actions broke my spirit. His actions were hateful. His actions didn't jive with what a Christian should do or even what a Christian is called to do. But I know his actions also didn't line up with how he acted toward me before the conflict arose either. And that is why I have hope that if I write the letter, he will do the right thing and the conversation that needed to happen will happen. Better months later than immediate because at least by now, both of us should have had time to cool off. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Actually, words can be more damaging to the soul. I still carry scars from all the times when damaging words were spoken. Mikki - "If you cannot focus, then maybe you shouldn't come to church at all." Way to infer that my ADHD and my ASD should be used as an excuse for the church to discriminate against me. Tom - "Our attempts to mainstream her have been ineffective." Yeah, because they were not attempts to mainstream. They gave me a document and asked me to sign to allow them to continue to abuse me and discriminate against me! Tom - "We approached things in the wrong way. We were wrong." That was really the best thing and the most accurate thing that Tom said about all of what had happened. That is why I know in my heart that if I give Tom a second chance to come through, he most likely will. Because there is a man in there that does still care. He just needs to know that his young friend is willing to give him that second chance he needs if he is willing to ask for forgiveness. God, You really a God of second chances and third and fourth and fifth and sixth and so forth. So why shouldn't we be as well, if we are Your children? Matter of fact, if we are Your children, then that is exactly how we should be! The only exception is if it is physically unsafe. And Tom knows that is not the case with me. He knew that when he told me that they claimed I was "dangerous." The only reason that those other men at his church see me as "dangerous" is because I am honest to a fault and for some reason, they feel threatened by the truth. Which does not look good for them. If the truth threatens them so much, then they have a problem with corruption. Just like politicians. Oh! Now I understand what my friend who said she was thinking about changing churches because she felt their church has become too political meant! And she is correct. And that may also need to be written to Tom. Because he needs to know. There is a lot he needs to know. That church is going to destroy him and he needs to know so he can make a wise decision before it does if it hasn't already. In the words of Ryan Pittman when he was sharing his testimony, if the church does not have special needs people involved in every aspect of its ministries, then DON'T! In other words, don't go there. And don't let them. He was right. With autism now having a 1 in 68 diagnosis rate for young children, it is time for churches to change to accommodate both children and adults. Sensory rooms, sensory friendly services, inclusion with assistance, inclusion period. These things can work well for autistics, individuals with Down syndrome, and even neurotypicals who just need to refocus and recenter. Sticks and stones can hurt. But words can hurt even more and the lasting effects can take longer to recover from. Thank You God for another valuable lesson. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Be Real with Me

John 15:13-15 - Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 

John 15:15 (ICB) - I don't call you servants now. A servant does not know what his master is doing. But now I call you friends because I have made known to you everything I have heard from my Father.

Revelation 17:14 - "...They will make war on the Lamb, and the Lamb will conquer them, for he is Lord of lords and King of kings, and those with him are called and chosen and faithful."

Dear God, You are telling me that a true friend is someone I can trust completely and feel free to be myself with. That a true friend loves me just the way I am and not only knows the worst about me but also sees the very best in me. I want that. I need that. For once in my life, I really need a true friend. Someone I can really be real with. And who will love me no matter what. God, I am now struggling also with this reading on another note. Servants versus friends. It seems perhaps that the PCA as a denomination may not actually have the best system. Because they do too much in secret. An ideal church set up would have deacons and elders, but it would also be open for the congregation to observe the meetings and help make more informed decisions. Maybe if that had been the case I would still be able to attend church with my friends. Instead of a select few men full of hate being able to bully and control things. Now I have something that I need to wrestle with. Thank You for opening my eyes. And thank You for being my friend. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Not Guilty

Luke 6:37-38 - "Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you."

Romans 8:1 - There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:1 (ICB) - So now, those who are in Christ Jesus are not judged guilty.

II Timothy 4:8 - Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the right of judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.

Titus 3:4-7 - But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according tot he hope of eternal life.

Dear God, thank You for declaring me NOT GUILTY. Now help me take the same forgiveness You have given me and show it to Tom as You give me the words I need to say to him in the letter. And please God, work in his heart as I prepare that letter and get it ready for mailing to reach out in kind and offer the same forgiveness You have for him as well. Like the words of Jesus say, "Judge no, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven...." While it may too late for things to be corrected with regard to the abuse his church put me through, and I will include a letter for them delivery contingent upon his response offering them the same opportunity, it really is not too late for Tom. I still care about him as a friend cares about a friend. And that is the honest truth since really I have no other choice but to be honest here or anywhere. God, I do have one other request. And this might actually bring a smile or a laugh for Tom if he happens to read this, but a certain young man really needs some major help! He has asked me if I want to hang out with him. Now he is leaning toward Friday. But here's the kicker, it is like he wants me to commit when I do not even know what he wants to do and what time! I am shaking my head with aggravation as I say to my mom, "Mom, this guy will need to man up and realize if he is going to initiate and ask, he will need to make the plans. If I initiate and ask, I should be responsible to make the plans or at least contribute to them. How can I commit when I do not know when and where and what. Girls need at least 48 hours so they can properly prepare. And I have a responsibility to my dog this weekend first and foremost. The fireworks. But if this is how this is going to be, there will be NO wedding bells anytime in the next five years. I can handle parenting when I am financially able to adopt, but I do not know about him being able to handle it." Mom's response: "If his mom would spend more time teaching him things, maybe, but someone has to teach him." After seeing him in a grocery store the other day (I know what are the odds?!?), she was tickled because he ran into us with the same three items he checked out do the store with yet he was seen going all over the store looking for things. He had not been given any list or he was distracted when the list was given and didn't get it written down. Duly noted that I will need to ask about having someone lead a class to teach the special needs parents how to help us become as fully independent as possible. Life skills. I still need some life skills as well, but I think I may actually have a slight edge at this point. Now about the size of our kitchen and house not being conducive to expansion. If my mom does ever need to be placed in a wheelchair like the doctors are talking about doing, we would need a new house-one that is deemed ADA-compliant. The kitchen alone.... Even the hallway. God, I thank you for Your forgiveness. Now I ask for. Your provision for my family when it comes to financial needs. $3000 needed for hearing aids. And insurance doesn't pay for adults who need them. And we still have some home repairs to make as well. I know You will help make sure we have what we need, but we could use a miracle. Thank You God for everything You have done and will do and are doing for me. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Not Guilty Anymore by Aaron Keyes (YouTube)

It doesn't matter what you've done

It doesn't matter where you're coming from

Doesn't matter where you've been

Hear me tell you I forgive

You're not guilty anymore

You're not filthy anymore

I love you, mercy is yours

You're not broken anymore

You're not captive anymore

I love you, mercy is yours

Can you believe that this is true?

Grace abundant I am giving you

Cleansing deeper than you know

All was paid for long ago

There is now

Therefore no condemnation 

For those who are in Jesus

You're not guilty anymore

You're not filthy anymore

I love you, mercy is yours

You're not broken anymore

You're not captive anymore

I love you, mercy us yours

You are spotless

You are holy

You are faultless

You are whole

You are righteous

You are blameless

You are pardoned

You are mine

Not Guilty by Mandisa (YouTube)

I stand accused

There's a list a mile long

Of all my sins

Of everything that I've done wrong

I'm so ashamed

There's nowhere left for me to hide

This is the day

I must answer for my life

My fate is in the Judge's hands

But then He turns to me and says

I know you

I love you

I gave My life to save you

Love paid the price for mercy

My verdict not guilty

How can it be?

I can't begin to comprehend

What kind of grace

Would take the place of all my sin?

I stand in awe

Now that I have been set free

And the tears well up as I look at the cross

'Cause it should have been me

My fate was in the nail scarred hands

He stretched them out for me and said

I know you

I love you

I gave My life to save you

Love paid the price for mercy

My verdict not guilty

I'm falling on my knees to thank You

With everything I am I'll praise. You

So grateful for the words I heard You say

I know you

I love you

I gave My life to save you

Love paid the price for mercy

My verdict not guilty

Your Special Path

Micah 6:8 - He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

Micah 6:8 (ICB) - The Lord has told you what is good. He has told you what he wants from you: Do what is right to other people. Love being kind to others. And live humbly, trusting your God.

Ephesians 2:10 - For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Dear God, I understand that each person has his or her path in life. This is why I do not understand why Tom's church did what they did to me. They tried to change the path You had me on. And in doing that, they hurt me more than anyone ever could. When Tom did what he did, he knew he was wrong to do so. Yet he still did it. He knew he should have talked to me. Yet he didn't. Yet this is where things get weird, You, God, have taught me more about Your grace and Your love and Your mercy and Your kindness and Your forgiveness these past few months more so than Tom and most definitely more so than his church ever did. It turns that Your grace and love and mercy and kindness and forgiveness are more real and more alive than what even they could ever comprehend themselves and I have experienced it firsthand and now it is spilling over and You are asking me to share it. With Tom and with others. But You see. I have been through a lot and it was recommended that I write to Tom's church. But I think the reason I haven't printed that letter yet and sent it is because it isn't his church that I need to come to terms with yet. It is Tom. And then if he accepts, them it is his church. So help me God. Help me to write the words I need to say to him, the truth he needs to hear, maybe even for the first time. Or maybe the thousandth time as old and ancient as he is in terms of life experience because he is not really old and ancient. Anyway, God, each person does have his or her own path, and as it turns out, his church was wrong to interfere with Your work in my life and it was wrong to exclude me the way it did. Maybe it would have been different had they not tried to change who I am, who You created me to be. And I think even Ginny knew that which is why she told me some things that they would not be happy to know she told me. Because Ginny knew I needed to come into my own person and that the other two on that "team" were damaging me. They may not have intended to inflict damage, but they were actually very divisive which is what caused the damage. And until they address the root of the problem, they will never be able to grow as a church that is good for the people. They will only continue to fall away from You. I mean, even other people are struggling with that church and for a variety of reasons. Maybe it is time for them to stop and listen. Because they are falling apart from the inside out. God, thank You for the path. You have me on. I may long, it may be rough, and it may sometimes seem like it is a mystery to me, but thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen! 

Live in My Light

Isaiah 61:10 - I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

John 8:12 - Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

I John 1:7 - But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

I John 1:7 (CEV) - But if we live in the light, as God does, we share in life with each other. And the blood of his Son Jesus washes all our sins away.

Dear God, I appreciate Your forgiveness and love and mercy. What I don't appreciate is the fact that Tom and his church treated my autism as though it was a sin and punished me for having it. And that Tom got away with lying about what happened and spreading those lies around and using them against to hurt me. Fellowship with one another. Share in life with each other. Yet so many people just like me do not get to enjoy fellowship with others because of the exact same thing that happened to me. With regard to that, what do I need to ask forgiveness for? What do I need to confess? I was made to feel shame and guilt for something that I really have no control over. You created me to have autism. You chose me to have autism. You did it for a reason which has started to come to light these past few days. The hatred Tom and his church acted with because of the autism, that is what needs correcting. Still gathering my thoughts for the letter I must send. It has been hard and challenging as just last week I got sidelined with an inflamed muscle that only just started settling down. My arm is no longer inflamed. But the therapies are starting to intensify. Life is starting to intensify. At a time when most people get to relax and start heading for vacations, I am gearing up for what will hopefully become the biggest collaboration in the two county area in which I live, inviting churches of different denominations to be a part of something that is bigger than themselves to help come along side of and send people who may be hungry for a family social and support group just for those who are touched by special needs. And I know that some churches may end up just ignoring it, but others will embrace it. And those that embrace it may end up adopting people like me. Which would be awesome. Those that don't? I feel sad for them that they are missing out on really experiencing You and what You intended for them. God, take whatever negative stones I am carrying though and exchange them with me for whatever positive gifts You have for me. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Puzzle Pieces

Psalm 73:23-24 - Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. 

Isaiah 55:8-9 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Dear God, puzzle pieces. The theme of puzzle pieces seems to be more clear every day. A puzzle piece represents autism. Life can be a puzzle. People are like puzzle pieces. Each and every person belongs in a giant puzzle. And that puzzle cannot ever be complete until each and every person belongs. If even one piece is missing, the puzzle is no good, as it is incomplete. Churches are like puzzles with a lot of puzzle pieces. If a church excludes even just one person, they have an incomplete puzzle. Many families challenged or blessed with special needs are left out of churches as churches either exclude them or bully them. It isn't right. Some people dislike the puzzle piece representation of autism because they feel it represents mystery and they do not feel there is a mystery anymore. But I like the puzzle piece representation because I recognize that the puzzle piece represents how each and every person is a part of a bigger puzzle and every piece is just as important as the next to finish or complete the puzzle. If your puzzle has 1,000 pieces and even just ONE piece is missing, then the puzzle is incomplete and you are going to do everything you can to find that missing piece. Just yesterday, this analogy took new meaning as someone came on an autism support page and immediately began spewing hatred and bitterness in an effort to divide the community. She asserted she has a 12-year-old with autism so severe that he requires 24/7 care and then tried to assert that anyone with more mild forms of autism are less deserving if services or less disabled or that their condition doesn't exist at all. Autism is called a spectrum disorder for a reason. I see it more like how no two people with cancer are the same with their symptoms. They have similar markers, but the similarities disappear after that. Or autism is like a rainbow. A rainbow consists of seven main colors, but as one color band goes to the next color band, you see a blending of the different shades of that one color. No two are the exact same. That woman then attacked me, which of course warranted a block on her. But I also ended up making new friends through what happened. No one can say I don't have something that after years of observation, someone finally got me to the right expert and determined I have. Even brain imaging can prove I have it. And that is what matters the most. It saddens me though because as long as the attitude that woman had exists, I will never belong and never fit in. There will never be enough support services for people like me when it comes to finding safe churches or safe jobs or safe schools. And that is sad. So God, today, a lesson about life being like a puzzle and You having all the pieces that you are fitting together is a great lesson. I only hope that certain people from a certain church reads this and starts to feel You move and maybe they will reach out to me. Thank You for my reminder about puzzle pieces. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Take Up Your Shield

Ephesians 6:10-20 - Finally, be strong in The Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in ipening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.

Ephesians 6:16 - In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

James 4:7-8 - Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Revelation 12:10-12 - And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, "Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. Therefore, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them! But owe to you, O earth and sea, for the devil has come down to you in great wrath, because he knows that his time is short!"

Dear God, Based on what I am reading today about what Satan's arrows of lies are, I am saddened to realize that some of those lies that I had to endure hearing actually came from the very people who were assigned to work with me at Tom's church. And that I did tell him about the injuries that were inflicted upon me as a result of them and yet he did nothing but try to accuse me of misunderstanding them. But Ginny, who I miss greatly, saw through them and saw the hurt and heard the pain and even felt it and she was moved with compassion for me. She tried to turn things around. Mikki's words still hurt me today as do Mark's, and I will never be able to truly recover from them, especially not after what Tom did and the way he did it. God, move through my heart today as I start the process of the letter to be mailed. And move in Tom's heart as well. Mikki and Mark both used the diagnosis of the autism against me. They belittled me and they used it as an excuse to exclude me, when what they should have done is used the knowledge of it to find out more about why I am the way I am and how they could more effectually minister to and with me and include me. "You can't do this activity because you have autism and to might happen and this and that and this and that." Baloney sandwiches. I have autism and I CAN do everything that my peers can do except that I might need a little bit of help along the way and some mentoring and I might need an escape and a safe room to go to when I do need it. I have autism and I CAN do it. I may need to go through therapy to desensitize me. I may even need to use a device to help me communicate better. I may need to run letters and e-mails and other things I need to say through some people who can serve as filters before I can say them, but I CAN. I can do choir because I love music and music gives me a voice. I can do puppetry because puppetry gives me a voice without putting me in the spotlight. I can play music because, again, it gives me a tool for communicating. I can write because writing is my voice. I can paint now because I am less afraid of the texture, and it gives me a way to show the world how I see it. I think in pictures. Right now, we are concerned because the hearing aids I need will cost a lot of money, but I need them so I can hear the world again. My exhaustion is literally from having to work TOO hard at what I need to do in order to do what I need to do. My body and my brain can no longer handle things. It comes to being able to work efficiently, not harder. I have autism and I CAN. That care team, particularly Mark and Mikki! should have worked toward the I can rather than the I can't. They should have strived for inclusion rather than exclusion. "Whatsoever you do to the least of these, you do to Me." (Matthew 25:31-46) "For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. ... On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together." (I Corinthians 12:12-31) A church that does not act as a body may not be a church at all. And on the case of Tom's church, I can see where it forgot that it is a body and that all people who come through it and become a part of it are equal and deserve to be treated equally. If one member messes up and gets to go through the Matthew 18 process toward reconciliation, then every member should have that same opportunity. But I never got that and when Tom screwed up, I was not given that chance, but rather they violated their own document that they kept insisting I sign before they would even consider making the corrections that are needed before I could sign it. But the thing is, if no other person has to sign something before they can attend church there in terms of that same kind of document they drew up that outright excludes me from everything that the church hinges on, then why should I have to? Because what that document would do, if signed, is give them permission to abuse me. As it is, they took the lack of a signature and abused me anyway. They destroyed things with Tom after he had reassured me that we could remain friends after I severed membership. And even though Tom had the responsibility of acting in accordance with Matthew 18 with regard to our conflict, he did not. He was irresponsible and he crushed my spirit. And now I am being called to more and being stretched by being called and pulled to write a letter that may or may not even get read to extend grace to Tom and give him a chance to make things right with him and me or at least talk with me and give me the closure I still need. As to his church, maybe I won't bother because they are not a church. They are a disorganized group of bullies who abuse people who have autism and other special needs. Their leaders are arrogant and corrupt. I wonder if they are republican? Lack compassion for the least of these? Check. Say one thing but do another? Check. Biblically bankrupt? Check. Yep. Sounds republican. Not to offend, but there is just too much I now have to ask myself in all of this as the distance and the time have led to a lot of things including the capacity to think for myself and reason things through. Can I extend grace to Tom as an individual and his wife and invite them into a conversation that if nothing else will give me much needed closure? Yes. Can I extend grace to his church and invite them into conversation for the same reason? Yes. Will there be enough grace to give them another chance even if they did meet with me and amend things and present a new document? I don't know. Because they don't deserve it. Will there be enough grace should we say, okay, it will not work out with me, but what can be done for the future consultation? Yes. If Jesus spent the greatest part of the three years of ministry that are recorded on the Bible ministering to people like me the most, then churches need to model that. The greatest number of people who are unchurched in America are those who are challenged and blessed by special needs family members. And 90 percent of special needs families are unchurched. That is a lot. So, back to Satan's lies. Tom believed lies and it got to him. I believed lies and it got to me. God, equip me so I can hear Your truth and not the lies. Thank Hou. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Watch to See What I Will Do

Micah 7:7 - But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.

Micah 7:7 - But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.

Romans 8:28 - And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Dear God, I am glad that You often forgive and overlook and use the mistakes in life. And You actually let people make mistakes yet never stop loving them. First mistake with Tom and he turned into an ugly, hateful monster who didn't follow Your command to seek peace and restoration. First mistake with his church and they never let go of it and never showed the grace they claim to practice. And for what is worth, autism is not a mistake and neither am I. They degraded and devalued me as a person. They made mistakes yet they failed to own up to them and they blamed me for their mistakes. God, You are gracious and loving and forgiving and just and merciful and wise. You care about me. You would never hurt me like Tom did. And I know You want for Tom and I to talk. I know You want me to write that letter and offer him the grace You have given me and give him that chance. And I know You want me to offer his counterparts the same opportunity. Thank You for Your loving kindness. In Jesus' Name, Amen! 

You Are More by Tenth Avenue North (YouTube)

There's a girl in the corner

With tear stains on her eyes

From the places she's wandered

And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here? 

I'm not who I once was.

And I'm crippled by the fear

That I've fallen too far to love."

But don't you know who you are,

What's been done for you? 

Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems that you create,

You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it

That she's been given new life

But she can't shake the feeling

That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers

And she's rehearsed all the lines

And so she'll try to do better

But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,

But what's been done for you.

This is not about where you've been,

But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel, 

But He felt to forgive you,

And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

You've been remade

You've been remade.

You've been remade.

You've been remade.

Let Me Be Your Master

Psalm 16:11 - You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Matthew 6:24 - "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money."

Ephesians 3:14-19 - For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Revelation 2:4 - But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.

Dear God, in the process of letting You be my first love and my master, I can see where You also are calling me to higher purpose with regard to Tom and to his church by asking me to send them a letter asking to come into a reconciliatory meeting to go through biblical reconciliation. You are asking me to show them YOUR grace and YOUR love. Please make sure their hearts are ready for it. Also, just as the debate on al.com's Facebook regarding the things Kirk Cameron said, help me to always remember that Your Word is true no matter what others may say or believe. You see, I find it ironic that a person is claiming to be born gay and demanding that I respect them all while they are bashing me for believing in what they are calling an "archaic book." Why should I respect them when they don't respect me since respect is a two-way street? I cannot respect them but I can speak respectfully and state my beliefs. Thank You God for choosing to redeem me. Thank You God for choosing to allow the sinners choose to live in sin. Thank You God for demonstrating how You want me to approach the matter through Your words. Your example, not Your words, is what teaches us that we can love the sinner while hating the sin. Your words do say to hate what You hate though, and the only thing You actually hate is sin. But ALL sexual immorality is wrong. It is just that, as Kirk Cameron was trying to point out, that churches have hyperfocused on homosexuality rather than dealing with the other forms that exist as well (premarital sex, adultery, rape, incest, etc.), and that they are evidencing hypocrisy in that hyperfocus. I stand firm when I say that I do not condone any church abusing, bullying, or excluding anyone who is different, if a homosexual wants to attend church, let them. If an autistic wants to attend church, let them. Do not exclude them. The difference being though that autism is NOT a sin or a lifestyle choice whereas homosexuality is. But it is just as wrong to exclude either one of them as it is to exclude the other. Autism is genetic. Homosexuality is not. Thank You God for giving me courage to speak out and honor You and Your Word. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Whisper "Jesus"

Proverbs 29:25 - The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.

John 10:10 - The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Dear God, You say that I should not worry about trying to please others so much as trying to please You. That is why the conflict with Oak Mountain exists. Ginny accepted me for who YOU created me to be - autism and all. She did not try to force me to be someone that You did not intend for me to be. But Mikki and. Mark did. They tried to force me to change, they tried to change my very being, just so I would be "normal." God, You did not create me to be normal. You created me to be special and to shine. You created me to blossom and bloom. Like the rose that has to unfold for us to experience its full beauty. That is how YOU created me. Tom started to see the unfolding until he acted hatefully toward me rather than work toward biblical conflict resolution which YOU Yourself would rather see. Now I rest secure knowing this and can finally write the letter this weekend. Thank You God. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Empty Hands and an Open Heart

Isaiah 40:28-31 - Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the. Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not grow faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. 

John 17:20-23 - "I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me." 

Disclaimer: I have no actual understanding of what any of the John 17 passage is saying right now. Best summary is that Jesus is saying that just as the Father is in Him and He is in the Father, that He desires that those who believe in Him will have the same kind of belonging to the Father as He does. I welcome any comments on this though.

Dear God, You ask that I come to You and accept Your love and friendship with me. Why would You be a friend to me when I am apparently so undeserving and so undesirable? Tom said he was my friend and then when grace was most needed, he believed some lies, spread them, and shattered everything and crushed my spirit. He cannot be a Christian. He has not shown the marks of a true Christian. He has made no effort to seek peace or restoration with me. God, in light of that, how can I trust that You really are a friend? Belonging? Oh how I wish! But God, as much as I want to belong, when churches abuse and bully those who have autism or any other kind of special needs, they make the world unsafe for us. The onus is on them in the end because if they are a church that does such heinous acts, then they are not following You to start with since You and Jesus have such compassion for the least of these and Jesus refers to anyone who does not treat them well as goats. Hmmm.... That would mean that Tom is a goat herder, not a shepherd. Even if he was a shepherd, the fact that he threw a sheep off the cliff just because it was crippled was wrong in itself. Heaven will rejoice all the more when he does finally come to his senses and seek peace and restoration with me. Belonging? The tea party doesn't think anyone who is not rich or healthy belongs in America now. They claim to be "patriots," but they are willing to cut veteran's healthcare and throw their fellow Americans off a cliff by starving them and denying them access to healthcare they might need and resources they need to stay afloat. They claim they are only doing what You would have them to do. Well, that is a problem now then, isn't it. Because You would make sure that we have access to medical care if we need it, food, shelter, water, clothing, and most of all, You would still treat us with dignity and respect. So if they are cutting off the least of these and cutting off the social safety nets that help them, then they are clearly not acting in Your name at all. The thing is, an article came out yesterday that the South Carolina governor (republican (most likely tea party extremist)) wants to get rid of public schools because public schools are not in the Bible. Well, neither are private schools. But by that logic, they cannot have guns either because guns were not in the Bible. I learned that whenever anyone tries to impose rules based on something that is not specifically mentioned in the Bible that they are being legalistic which is as sinful as being libertarian. The problem I have with the tea party is that are libertarian. Which means they don't really want to play by the rules of the game. They are trying to create their own rules and pretend like they can just blow off all the rules that have come along since the original constitution. They are fighting a war citing Christianity but they are hellbent on protecting the constitution. So much so that they have become white supremists again. They want their guns and they want America to be all about Christians but no one else. The thing is, if you look at how they define socialism, Jesus is the spitting image of socialism in action. Sarah Palin is an airhead more interested in being able to own a gun to shoot moose than to make sure that the least of these are taken care. She claimed to be in support of veterans having healthcare but the Paul Ryan budget of hate that the GOP passed in congress that will be dead on arrival in the senate due the unnecessity of it and also due to the fact that it again attempts to destroy the ACA which is helping millions of people everywhere now threatens to cut veteran healthcare. Talk about double standard hypocrisy or being uninformed. So yes, God, while I may have belonging when You finally decide to send Jesus back or when You finally decide to bring me home to You, I do not have belonging here on this side of heaven. Because I am apparently not wanted or desired by most churches or by most people. It grieves me when I see a parent of a child with special needs who would not be able to remain insured for long due to all the medical needs vote against her best interest by voting against anyone who supports the ACA. If it were not for the ACA, her child could be dropped or hit a lifetime cap and then what? Her family could lose everything they own. Unless her desired job is one that will secure millions of dollars a year. It also grieves me seeing the parents of children with autism pitting themselves against the adults who have autism. And for that matter, as much as I do not agree with everything that Autism Speaks is about nor TACA (there is no cure for autism, there never will be, there does not need to be, and I do not care what the cause is because I know what the cause is and it is genetic just like ADHD), I support any organization that is raising awareness of autism and providing any resources and information about it. Autism Speaks is more about legislative advocacy than anything else. And if people honestly think that they are suppressing the people with autism from speaking, they really need to think again from the insight of a person with autism. The way I see it is that as long as you are writing on their page, you have a voice. And they may or may not respond to it, but you are speaking. Hence, autism does speak. But the problem is that all these people are so focused on the children (we must help the children who have autism, they need therapy, they need this, they need that) that they forget there are adults with autism who are now floundering and that their children will also become adults who have autism and will end up floundering as well unless something begins now to address the issues that adults with autism face. No job, no churches to minister to and with us, no schools, no community resources like recreation or home living resources or therapy, nothing. And if the adults with autism lack these things now, what kind of future is there for a child with autism who one day become an adult with autism? Not a good one so far. There needs to be a shift in the focus to addressing the problem adults with autism face. At any rate God, this all just goes back to the desire to belong. Bottomline is that I am a young and relatively new believer, a Christian, and I have no place to go to worship with other Christians because a church used the autism as an excuse to exclude me and to abuse me and to bully me and then the one friend I thought I could trust turned on me and has not evidenced that he is even a Christian over something he later claimed was a petty trigger to a meltdown (which he called a tantrum which means that perhaps he lied when he said he understood the autism after all, and a pastor who lies is not a pastor at all). If it was so petty a trigger though, then why would he refuse to seek peace and restoration and work toward biblical conflict resolution? Because of what he did, he brought down not only himself and his own reputation but the reputation of the entire church, not like they hadn't already done a good job of that themselves, especially the new "mercy" pastor. But still. And because of what he did, he brought down ALL churches and not just his own. God, I know that even if things do not get resolved this side of heaven although I pray along with many others that I will at least get answers this side of heaven if nothing else, answers from him, so that I can move forward, I know that You will deal harshly with him when judgment day comes and there is actually a chance that he will not be in heaven because of what he did. I mean those words from Jesus are pretty powerful: "Whatsoever you did to the least of these, you did to me.....Whatsoeevr you didn't do to the least of these, you didn't do to me." Sheep or goat. Which will it be? Thank You though. You are stirring in my heart in a major way. Thank You for wanting to be my friend even if I am not ready for that yet. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Your Amazing Mind

Genesis 1:26-27 - Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Romans 8:6 - To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

Dear God, You created each and every one of us in Your image. That is why when someone, anyone, whether a Christian or not, abuses or bullies or hurts or mistreats someone else in any way, shape, or form, it is an assault on You. So when people disrespect the president, they disrespect You because You created him. When Tom and the leadership at his church abused and bullied me for having autism, they abused You. I gladly trade You any of the not good thoughts that lead to anger, doubt, and rebellion for the love, faith, and peace You offer. That is why I want to exercise a measure of grace beyond my human strength to seek reconciliation and restoration with Tom and maybe even with his church. Stir them for the good things ahead and teach them how to love as You love and show grace as You show grace. When You allowed Your Son to die on that cross, that was a HUGE amount of grace on display, God. And we should all be willing to do just that if called upon to do so. Otherwise, the world will never see Your goodness and Your kindness or experience Your love as today's "Christians" become more resentful and hateful and bitter and selfish. Today's "Chrisitans" are in favor of stripping people of their right to have affordable healthcare via insurance, SNAP so they have food to eat, disability benefits that they need if they are disabled and unable to hold jobs, veteran's healthcare, Medicaid for the poor and the disabled, WIC for the women and their children to have food and basic essentials for the babies they want to force the women to have, and Pell grants which help college age students afford college so they can learn marketable skills in order to hopefully get a job. Instead today's "Christians" are acting out of the LOVE of money which is the root of all evil. They have forgotten You and. Your Words in favor of "protecting the Constituiton." Wait a minute. The Tea Party extremists of the Republican Party are more interested in protecting the Constitution than in protecting and defending Your Word while they claim to be Christians? That is what is wrong with them! They have misplaced the priority. NOTHING IS MORE VALUABLE AND DESERVING OF PROTECTION THAN YOUR WORD-THE BIBLE. The Bible is a roadmap for life, an instruction manual for life. It was written by You through the hands of men whom You breathed Your words through. The Constitution was written by men as well, but it was not Your doing. Thank You God for giving me a mind that can think and reason. While I do not know what my furbabies think, and I know they do, I am appreciative of the stretched mind that You have given me. Autism and all. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Peace for Today

Exodus 16:13-21 - In the evening quail came up and covered the camp, and in the morning dew lay around the camp. And when the dew had had gone up, there was on the face of the wilderness a fine, flake-like thing, fine as frost on the ground. When the people of Israel saw it, they said to one another, "What is it?" For they did not know what it was. And Moses said to them, "It is the bread that the Lord has given you to eat. This is what the Lordhas commanded: 'Gather of it, each one of you, as much as he can eat. You shall each take an omer (2 quarts or 2 liters), according to the number of persons that each of you has in his tent.'" And the people of Israel did so. They gathered, some more, some less. But when they measured it with an omer, whoever gathered much had nothing left over, and whoever gathered little had no lack. Each of them gathered as much as he could eat. And Moses said to them, "Let no one leave any of it over till the morning." But they did not listen to Moses. Some left part of it till the morning, and it bred worms and stank. And  Moses was angry with them. Morning by morning, they gathered it, each as much as he could eat; but when the sun grew hot, it melted.

Philippians 4:6-7, 19 - do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Hebrews 4:16 - Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 4:16 - Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Dear God, You have basically said I need to be a peace gatherer like the Israelites were manna gatherers. Thank you for the fact that YOU give peace, grace and mercy and that You NEVER waver from that. Teach the people who claim to adhere to practice such grace how to do so properly. In Jesus' Name, Amen!