Tuesday, January 14, 2014

No Need to Pretend

I Samuel 16:7 - But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."

Romans 8:38-39 - For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Dear God, I want to trust that nothing can separate me from your love but Tom and Oak Mountain's leadership hurt me such to the extent that it makes me feel as though I have punished just for having autism and according to what Tom told my mom, it is in fact that I am being punished for having autism. They punished me because I had a meltdown that could have either been avoided or curbed if Tom would have just done the correct and talked with me. God, You know my heart. And You know I would love to see them repent for the injustice that they have caused me and the hurt they have inflicted on You as a result. For if having autism is a sin, then You are a sinner because You created me to have autism, You purposed me to have autism, You designed me to have autism. God, I don't feel loved right now. I feel hurt and angry. And I know that my anger is a righteous anger because what Tom did was wrong, and what those leaders did was wrong. They violated scripture, and that's wrong. They hurt one of the least of these, and they hurt You. And that's wrong. What they saw was a meltdown. They refused to look past it to the hurt of a broken and sad and confused heart and spirit. One that Tom hurt more. And they broke it when it was already broken. And that caused more damage than what was necessary, especially when Tom broke his word and broke his compromise with no justification. And I have people who have already agreed that he had no justification. But he refuses to listen to the truth. And he already caused more damage because he spread the lies further. God, You tell me that I should forgive, but I can't forgive someone who is unrepentant anymore than You can. Show me Your love though. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

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