Thursday, February 11, 2016
Going through the ups and downs, realizing that the world is out of my control right now, my world is out of my control, not understanding why my life is upside down, not being able to grasp the gravity of things, all I can do is let go. Let God have it. And that's it. I cannot look back at this point. I cannot look down. I have to look ahead and look up. There's nothing else I can do. Hold on baby. Hold on. Hold on tight. Your life does depend on it. Here God. Take it. The waiting is hard. The waiting is tough. The waiting is scary. The unknowns. Will it be the same. Will it be higher. If it is higher, what will happen next? Will it hurt? Yeah, it will definitely hurt, but how bad will it hurt? Where is the money going to come from to help pay for what is needed? We need blessing. We need peace. Most of all peace. Miracles. I am a miracle in itself. I never should have lived this long according to doctors. Poo on them. They were wrong. You had bigger plans apparently. Laugh. Live. Love. It's all I can do. But you look fine. But you don't look sick. But you don't look disabled. But you don't look handicapped. But you're so young. Shut up world. You don't know what's happening inside of my body. You cannot see that right inside my very body, it is a constant battle just to live. And the day I look like how I feel inside is the day I have lost. I refuse to lose until God says it is time. I refuse to quit. I may have to scale back. I may have to limit myself more. But I will not quit. God wants me here. Why? Why would God allow me to suffer? I don't know. Is He allowing me to suffer? Or has He chosen to use me to bless someone else through my struggle? God is powerful. God is in control. I'm not God. I cannot read His thoughts. He can read mine though. And each day He gives me courage to stand against the people who use His name but bash the poor and the disabled and the elderly and the veterans and the president of my country. I am unafraid to be offensive if that is what it takes. I am unafraid to call it like I see it. Case in point, Trump is the most hateful thing I have ever heard. And he has people fooled. But he looks like an Oompa Loompa from the original Willy Wonka film and that thing on his head looks worse than the stuff my cat pukes up. Yeah, gross, I know, but it is my brutal honesty. Autism is funny like that sometimes. Ted Cruz looks constipated. Someone get him a bottle of Miralax please. Why is a Canadian running anyway? Ugh. Healthcare. We need to get rid of insurance companies. They are greedy little turds. They make our costs higher. Come on Sanders. I like Sanders. He is an honest little spitfire like me. He is unafraid to call it as he sees it. I admire that. I wish more people would do that. God is in control. Ha ha. Look, God is always there. Even in my rambling thoughts, He comes through and says wrap it up kid. Hope you get some chuckles from reading this, but most of all, hope you take away this: God is in control and God is always there. You are never alone. Thanks for reading.