Friday, January 31, 2014

I Am Forever

Genesis 16:13-14 - So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, "You are a God of seeing," for she said, "Truly here I have seen him who looks after me." Therefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi (the well of the Living One who sees me); it lies between Kadesh and Bered. 

Romans 8:31 - What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

II Corinthians 4:18 - as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 

Dear God, I am worried. What will happen with the presbytery? Will they truly do anything as they should or will Tom be allowed to just get away with inflicting intentional hurt and becoming an abuser and a bully by not only allowing it to happen even after he acknowledged that it was wrong and then by also doing it himself? Also, with my mom. She hasn't really eaten in days because she complains about a metallic taste in her mouth, plus some situation that happened last week. And I didn't mean to lecture her about honesty, but that is something that everyone needs to learn. Tom lied to my mom and lied to others about me. Because he chose to believe lies rather than to seek the truth. And with regard to one of those lies, he was there when things happened. I did not ask her to go to the bathroom with me. I was already on my way to the bathroom when she ran into me and said she was going to the bathroom as well. I did not ask to go to her cubicle. I was willing to just chill in the bathroom until I could regain my composure. But she offered and so I went with her. I did not ask her to walk to the field with me to scream. She offered to take me there for that. I would never have even been able to walk to it on my own accord anyway because I would still get lost around that place! But Tom claimed I asked her to go with me and asked her to do all of that with me which is not true at all. He also claimed I dragged that man in which I didn't do. That man approached my car after I already started it and then he blocked me from being able to get back in my car. He offered to help. I didn't ask him to do so though. Tom lied and his lies have cost me everything. And until he shows signs of repentance, I truly cannot forgive him at all. And why should I? Because God, You don't forgive people who don't evidence repentance either. And because You also said if he was forgiven then he should be forgiving, but Tom acted not with willingness to forgive, but with hate. Tom doesn't fit the marks of a true Christian as outlined in scripture and Tom has violated scripture. Tom no longer meets the qualifications to be a pastor. Point blank. But God, I had to get this off my chest. You said You want me to trust You and not be worried, so I had to get this out of my system today. I'm trying to trust You. It so far I really don't see a lot of reasons to do so. Not after what Tom did to me. Not after he unnecessarily hurt me and crushed my heart and spirit. Not after the way he lied to me, to my mom, to my friends, to my advocate, and to the therapist about me causing me to lose therapy. Not after he lied to the person who was willing to try mediation so it wouldn't go to a lawsuit. All he has to do is show repentance by  restoring things on Facebook. And with that one action, the complaint against him would be fully and wholly withdrawn. Just like that. No questions asked. That's grace. That's real grace. That's the grace that Tom claims to believe yet failed to evidence. Only right now, he has to earn it by evidencing repentance with me. God, thank You for listening. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Our God by Chris Tomlin (YouTube)

Water you turned into wine, opened the eyes of the blind
There's no one like You, none like You!
Into the darkness You shine, out of the ashes we rise
There's no one like You, none like You!

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, our God!

Into the darkness You shine, out of the ashes we rise
There's no one like You, none like You!

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, our God!

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, our God!

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if God is with us, then what could stand against?
What could stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, our God!

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, our God!

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is for us, then what could stand against?
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is for us, then what could stand against?
Then what could stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, our God!

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other.
Our God is Healerr, awesome in power
Our God, our God!

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