My Plan

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

"Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord." - Psalm 32:10

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." - Romans 12:12

"Humber yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." - I Peter 5:6-7

Dear God,

You have a perfect plan for my life. I just wish I knew some more about it than I do. Sometimes Your plan is different than mine. Boy, don't I know that more now than ever. I didn't expect to lose Katie before I lost Molly Jean. The order of which defied logic and reasoning of nature where older things die before younger things. And I certainly did not plan to lose them both within months of each other.  Sometimes Your plan will involve doing something hard or uncomfortable. That might be fine God, but I need to understand Your plan with regard to a bunch of hypocritical men who hate the least of these and are bent on taking away access to healthcare for all of the citizens of this country. What purpose does this fill when so many could die as a result? Surely that is not Your plan? Your plan could include troubles and problems. I see that. I struggle to see Your love through our current events. God, I am struggling to trust You in this moment right now. God, I do need You more than ever. I am not angry with You anymore, but I am exasperated with You. I want to trust that You only want what is best for me. That You have something HUGE in mind that will be a positive thing for me, for everyone. Take all of my worries God. Take them, keep them, work through them on my behalf. I am throwing my hands up in the air and saying pffffftttttt.....

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

Seek to Live in God's Love

I Peter 4:8 - Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sons. 

I John 4:18 - There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 

Revelation 2:4 - "But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first."

Dear God, perfect love casts out fear. Love covers a multitude of sins. Today, God, I really need Your love surrounding me and my family. We knew that grandmother would not have much time left. She was discovered to have her stomach in her esophagus due to a really weak hernia that allowed it to move. Mom said she had lost a lot of weight as it was and she was not exactly that big to start with. The phone call yesterday from her sister was earth shattering though. She told my mom that she needed to go down and say good-bye and that my uncle was flying in as well. The doctors are apparently advising not to force her to eat or to give or any of her regular medicines and have her some morphine for pain. God, this raises a couple of issues for me personally. The pain and suffering that comes with the end of life stages at times is unbearable. Out of compassion, we allow our pets to be out to sleep. Why can we not allow our loved ones the same dignity other than some stupid laws that say it is wrong? What seems wrong to me is that we allow people to suffer so much? The second thing it brings up for me is that I don't know what to do or what to say to help my mom through this. The pain is so unbearable. I was never that close to grandmother but it hurts that she is going to leave this earth as well. And there are a lot of uncertainties now. A lot of loose ends that will have to be dealt with in the coming weeks after. God, mom feels betrayed right now. She just had the most awful woman basically abuse her and treat her like a maid when what she was hired to do was something else entirely different than what she got stuck doing in the end. And that lady is rude and old. And she feels You picked the wrong person to take away. And God, I don't know where grandmother stands with You. In her last years, I have not heard her talk much about You at all. She spent a lot of time by herself during the days. And she and I have never really had common ground. She was so quiet and withdrawn. I hate that the family will be reuniting under these circumstances. I really do. Today, God, not only do I need Your love to envelop all of us in my family, but I also need clarity. In these next couple of days, I will largely be responsible for myself and the animals. This is the main reason why I cannot go down yet. That and I cannot handle the emotional good-byes like that. I'm already so horribly confused by the emotions of this situation. I have to somehow be strong right now and I cannot do that if I am confused. Oh, God, perfect love casts out fear. Please help me! Thank You so much for love inexpressible. In Jesus' Name, Amen!