Psalm 45

Your Throne, O God, Is Forever

My heart overflows with a pleasing theme; I address my verses to the king; my tongue is like the pen of a ready scribe. 

You are the most handsome of the sons of men; grace is poured upon your lips; therefore God has blessed you forever. Gird your sword on your thigh, O mighty one, in your splendor and majesty! In your majesty ride out victoriously for the cause of truth and meekness and righteousness; let your right hand teach you awesome deeds! Your arrows are sharp in the heart of the king's enemies; the peoples fall under you. 

Your throne, O God, is forever and ever. The scepter of your kingdom is a scepter of righteousness; you have loved righteousness and hated wickedness. Therefore God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness beyond your companions; your robes are all fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia. From ivory palaces stringed instruments make you glad; daughters of kings are among your ladies of honor; at your right hand stands the queen in gold of Ophir.

Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear: forget your people and your father's house, and he king will desire your beauty. Since he is your lord, bow to him. The people of Tyre will seek your favor with gifts, the richest of the people. 

All glorious is the princess in her chamber, with robes interwoven with gold. In many-colored robes she is led to the king, with her virgin companions following behind her. With joy and gladness they are led along as they enter the palace of the king.

In place of your father's shall be your sons; you will make them princes in all the earth. I will cause your name to be remembered in all generations; therefore nations will praise you forever and ever. 

Dear God,

What would You have me learn from this passage? There is pain. Much much pain. Pain I cannot fathom or even come close to understanding. I am broken this week. I am seeking. I have no answers. I have no bad news either. But I have no answers. I am afraid. God, I am turning it all over to You and asking again that You keep intervening on behalf of the least of these with regard to healthcare and budgets. God, help us who have pain and fears. 

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name, 

Amen

Seek to Live in God's Love

I Peter 4:8 - Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sons. 

I John 4:18 - There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 

Revelation 2:4 - "But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first."

Dear God, perfect love casts out fear. Love covers a multitude of sins. Today, God, I really need Your love surrounding me and my family. We knew that grandmother would not have much time left. She was discovered to have her stomach in her esophagus due to a really weak hernia that allowed it to move. Mom said she had lost a lot of weight as it was and she was not exactly that big to start with. The phone call yesterday from her sister was earth shattering though. She told my mom that she needed to go down and say good-bye and that my uncle was flying in as well. The doctors are apparently advising not to force her to eat or to give or any of her regular medicines and have her some morphine for pain. God, this raises a couple of issues for me personally. The pain and suffering that comes with the end of life stages at times is unbearable. Out of compassion, we allow our pets to be out to sleep. Why can we not allow our loved ones the same dignity other than some stupid laws that say it is wrong? What seems wrong to me is that we allow people to suffer so much? The second thing it brings up for me is that I don't know what to do or what to say to help my mom through this. The pain is so unbearable. I was never that close to grandmother but it hurts that she is going to leave this earth as well. And there are a lot of uncertainties now. A lot of loose ends that will have to be dealt with in the coming weeks after. God, mom feels betrayed right now. She just had the most awful woman basically abuse her and treat her like a maid when what she was hired to do was something else entirely different than what she got stuck doing in the end. And that lady is rude and old. And she feels You picked the wrong person to take away. And God, I don't know where grandmother stands with You. In her last years, I have not heard her talk much about You at all. She spent a lot of time by herself during the days. And she and I have never really had common ground. She was so quiet and withdrawn. I hate that the family will be reuniting under these circumstances. I really do. Today, God, not only do I need Your love to envelop all of us in my family, but I also need clarity. In these next couple of days, I will largely be responsible for myself and the animals. This is the main reason why I cannot go down yet. That and I cannot handle the emotional good-byes like that. I'm already so horribly confused by the emotions of this situation. I have to somehow be strong right now and I cannot do that if I am confused. Oh, God, perfect love casts out fear. Please help me! Thank You so much for love inexpressible. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

You Are My Chosen One

Isaiah 61:10 - is ill greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

Jeremiah 31:3 - Thus says the Lord: "The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you."

I Peter 2:9 - But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

I Peter 2:9 (NLT) - But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God's very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God.

Dear God, thank You for unending love. Help me show others the same unending love You have for me. Even Tom. And in doing that, help him remember how he is supposed to act if he truly is a Christian. With forgiveness, love, and compassion. He used to say the reason he forgave so easily is because he was forgiven much. But in the one moment when he needed to be the most forgiving, he was not even a Christian. He misinterpreted a lot of things and instead of listening to me to find out the truth, he spread lies that were not true. Instead of working through conflict, he violated Your word. And the leadership at his church violated their stupid discriminating and abusive document that they wanted me to sign agreeing to allow them to keep abusing me. Sadly, Tom abused me when he did those things. And according to Your word, Tom is not a Christian. Nor are most of the leaders at that church. They did not evidence You when they abused me. Yet You are asking me to reach out in grace. To Tom. And to give him a chance to hopefully prove me wrong in accordance with Your word. Soften his heart if You really want me to do this, God. Open his heart and his mind and prepare him for the truth. The truth hurts, and he will not like that he will learn that he was an idiot for ignoring it and for not listening to me so he would know the truth. He assumed things that were not true. For one thing, it was never him that the post was about, but someone else. The guy I was crushing on. But had Tom only listened he would have known. Now grant I was also upset with Tom that day, but the upset with him was directed at him. It was not posted. But he assumed the post was about him. And he never said he was upset about the post or I could have told him when he had called angry about me being frustrated with him or even when he called if he had called again as he had promised. Tom did a lot of things that contributed to the conflict - he assumed things that were not accurate. Unfortunately, his actions have helped me understand why people say, "You know what happens when you ASSume things?" Yeah. Tom certainly did that. And all it would have taken was a conversation. Now I know what You mean when You say the truth will set you free. Telling the truth in the letter will hopefully not only set me free, but it will hopefully open Tom's eyes and maybe he will come to his senses and go back with the truth to those hateful little men at his church. If nothing else, maybe he will at least reach out to me and evidence You in his life, if You are in his life. Oh, and God, please, right now, I need healing. And financial provision. $3000 for hearing aids. Insurance does not seem to think adults need to be able to hear. Without being able to hear, I cannot work. Oh, and please, if You do not mind, make that day camp program that I am supposed to go to once a week and help with once a week go better. It was boring and stressful that one day I went so far. It turns out that boredom is something else that can add stress to my life! Especially when it is supposed to be something full of scheduled activities. Who knew that boredom could create stress? And please heal me from the blackberry juice overload. Mom sure got a laugh from that one. But I am sure uncomfortable from it. As I told her, "I went from one extreme to the other!" My stomach needs a balance. And I am hoping it is not another stomach bug that might end up with me having another IV. God, I cannot mention these two by name, but I have a couple of friends needing Your comfort right now. One just had to make the decision about a very old cat. And I know the pain she is going through as I did that about 8 years ago with an 18-year-old cat myself. May Peaches rest in peace. And I can hardly believe Katie is almost 8! And I may have to make that decision again soon with my deaf dog, Molly Jean, who is starting to show signs of aging. At almost 15, she is getting less able to fetch the ball. The second friend of mine may have divorce in the near future and has two young ones, one of which has autism. And I know that titles hard. Not that I have been married, but I saw my own father walk out on my family. He could no longer handle having what he considered to be a broken child or a broken wife. Of course, I think he got bitten back for that one, but I don't really care. God, give me wisdom and the words I need to write that letter to Tom. It looks like at this point, the direction You are steering me will be with Tom, and not the church. Although he will get the one for them as well, but will likely have instructions to only share it with them after he responds to me directly either by a meeting or a phone call or a letter or an e-mail or Facebook (which would require the biggest act of faith in You on his part, but would also give him the most freedom at the starting point). Prepare him for the truth. I now the reality stick hurts, but Rafiki means well when he bonks you upside the head with it. (Lion King.) Thank You God for clearer direction. And thank You for choosing and for loving me. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Prayer for My Friendship with Tom

Dear God,

I want to believe Tom when he says he's a friend, but then when he fails to keep his word about calling me or even brushes me off as not important, it hurts and I struggle to believe. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help.

I'm tired of trying to explain to him that friends shouldn't be squeezed into his work schedule. Friendships that are not work related but personal which is what we have now should be on personal time. But he doesn't get it. And it hurts.

I'm trying to understand that he also has family, but then that's when it really hurts. He just doesn't seem to have room or time for me. At all. Last week, we had our first in person time in three months and I understood that we were to have 1.5 hours, but we only had half that. Then earlier this week, he assured me that we'd talk later this week, and he hasn't called at all! It's a repeating pattern. Each time, the pain and frustration I feel get worse. Please help.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

P.S. I read that the pink eye could've caused my corneal inflammation which is robbing me of my vision and trying to rob me of my independence, my ability to drive. I'm scared about the prospect of needing surgery. I need my friends. I need Tom most of all. Why doesn't he get it?

P.P.S. If Tom isn't my friend anymore, then I don't want You anymore either!