Take a Break from Judging

Matthew 7:1-5 - "Judge not, that you not be judge. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

John 17:3 - "And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent."

Romans 9:20-21 - But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its modeler, "Why have you made me like this?" Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honored use and another for dishonorable use?

I Timothy 6:13-16 - I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who in his testimony before Pontiua Pilate made the good confession, to keep the commandment unsustained and free from reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which he will display at the proper time–he who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen.

I Timothy 6:17-19 - As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, not to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.

Dear God, help me learn not to be so judgmental. It can be very hard to I break the habit of judging when others have often been so judgmental that it is all you know and understand. From the time I was little, I have always been judged. Why does she look funny? Why does talk funny? Why does she act weird? Is she retarded? Her nose is always in a book. She smells different. She doesn't wear a bra yet and she is in fourth grade. She has ADHD. She has autism. Oh wait, she has autism, and we must fix her and try to make her like everyone else. She is too honest. These tapes replay themselves a lot when I am judging myself. And I am the harshest judge of all when it comes to myself. Time to flip the record though. I have to. I cannot keep living on record side A. I need to start living on record side B. You are going to do a great job of shelving books because you are very detail-oriented. I am looking forward to beginning my volunteer position. Someone has seen a positive to my autism! And given me an affirmation. And all I needed was a chance and someone to see even just one positive. That made my whole week. It was not a judgment. It was an affirmation! Instead of judging, we should be in the business of affirmations. Especially as Christians. Oh look, that person is on SNAP. They must be lazy. Oh look, that person is on welfare. They must be lazy. Oh look, that person is on disability. They don't look disabled. They must be lazy. Really? Oh look, that person is rich and goes to the country club! They must be lazy! Turn it around folks unless you want the same judgment passed down on you. Not everyone receiving SNAP is lazy. Some people receiving SNAP are disabled, veterans, retired senior citizens, working parents, and military families. Not everyone on welfare is lazy. Many of them are working parents. Not everyone on disability looks disabled because there are a lot of hidden disabilities like cancer, asthma, allergies, learning disabilities, autism, blood disorders, immune deficiencies, etc. The list goes on. A disability is something that significant impacts a function of daily living. Whether is the ability to learn adequately or the ability to socialize properly to the ability to fight off infections or the ability to use the bathroom or the ability to breathe, etc. Do you want to be judged because you are rich? Because from my experience, most rich people look down on others because they never had to work a day in their lives. They bought their good grades or they bought their way into the college of their choice instead of having to settle for the college that offered them the best financial aid package, or they bought their way into a job because their parents ran in the same circle as someone high up. Even church people are guilty of doing this. Oh this person isn't rich so let us judge them and when something goes wrong we will just hold them back and treat them like poop while this other person is rich so when something goes wrong we will remove them for a little bit but as soon as possible we will restore them to everything no questions asked and no holds barred. Yes, I have experienced that. And mostly because of the autism. Autism taught me something. It taught me that some people who claim to be Christians really are not. Not based on how they act. Matthew 25:31-46. I have started trying to live my life as a Christian following that passage because Jesus was so clear to me on that one after my diagnosis. But then I have met some Christians who will do anything but those. We must take away their money for food or their money for healthcare because we think they are lazy and we think that is what God wants. How does it go? To whom much has been given, much is expected? Is that right? This goes out to Tom, Mikki, Mark, Bob, and any other person out there claiming to be a Christian but sitting there judging the least of these. Stop poo-poo'ing us and start actually doing real ministry with us. After all, you will be judged with the same measure of judgment that you use. After all, does not the Creator have the right to create how He wants to create? You have no right to change how He does His job. So what if the vessel ended up cracked or ridged in the end? Maybe that is exactly what God wanted. He made it the way He designed it. And some of us are not designed flawlessly except that we are because we were created by a perfect Creator. God created me smooth as smooth can be, but right after I came out of the kiln, I got dropped and a chip occurred. God saw that chip and said, you are still just as beautiful to me because I created you. Do you any of you think you are so perfect that you can do the job that is only reserved for God? I hate when I have to call others out in a lesson, but this lesson is a strong lesson. And I have gotten some takeaways from it like no other. I am not judging any of you. I am just reminding you of what you taught me which is exactly what I am now learning today. God, thank You for bringing some lessons back around and for growing me so that I can understand those lessons. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Whisper "Jesus"

Proverbs 29:25 - The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.

John 10:10 - The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Dear God, You say that I should not worry about trying to please others so much as trying to please You. That is why the conflict with Oak Mountain exists. Ginny accepted me for who YOU created me to be - autism and all. She did not try to force me to be someone that You did not intend for me to be. But Mikki and. Mark did. They tried to force me to change, they tried to change my very being, just so I would be "normal." God, You did not create me to be normal. You created me to be special and to shine. You created me to blossom and bloom. Like the rose that has to unfold for us to experience its full beauty. That is how YOU created me. Tom started to see the unfolding until he acted hatefully toward me rather than work toward biblical conflict resolution which YOU Yourself would rather see. Now I rest secure knowing this and can finally write the letter this weekend. Thank You God. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Run to Me

Psalm 46:1-3 - God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at it's swelling. Selah

Romans 8:6 - to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 

Dear God, I would love to peace right now, but things are so hard and so confusing. The leadership of Oak Mountain still want me to sign agreement to continued bullying and abuse. They want me to sign it before they will make any changes. But the problem is that with all that has happened, they would have to make the changes before I could sign anything. Why? 1. They violated it. But beyond that, there are other things. 2. Three of six of their activities that they listed no longer exist. As to the remaining three, well, that is where they violated it. 3. Tom Patton said he had an issue with women's ministry being restricted because it was something I consistently did well with. He's right. And they need to unrestricted it as he had requested. 4. Sunday school was never addressed. This would leave too much room for error. And it could lead to unnecessary hurt. 5. They have a section called permanent exclusions which should never exist in a church that claims to practice grace. NOT ever. Also, translation of that is discrimination. Because one of the activities was declared as off limits to restriction if it is open to all people even nonmembers. And that is the small group or LIFE group. They flat out targeted the autism with that one. And even though the therapist said I was ready, they still refused. That is the thing that caused a conflict - the therapist said they were paying her but refusing to take any of her suggestions. Yes, I had a conflict with two people. One of which just absolutely finds me antagonistic (which is actually quite funny because she finds compliments to be antagonistic, and from what I have been told repeatedly, I am too sweet or too kind). She found me antagonistic if I said anything, if I didn't say anything, if I smiled, if I frowned, it just didn't matter, she found me antagonistic. Other than that, I actually did great with it. Surely they could find alternatives or let me just go with a friend so I can just learn. Excluding me will never teach me anything though. 6. Absolutely got hounded by people who wanted me back on kiosk. And like most things, I did great with it when teamed up with other people. Instead of excluding me, they should just add to those things they deem as restricted. 7. Wording. The way the thing is worded is offensive. Period. Instead of "restricted," they could say that these activities are ones that we know that Susan can do her best with when she is on a team or with a buddy. 8. I don't initiate phone calls. Not unless it's an emergency or I need something (appointment, application, etc.). Come to think of it, most of us on the spectrum do not initiate phone calls. So as far as that one goes, a simple modification allowing one e-mail per week would be better and reasonable. 9. Tom Patton. Ah! The biggest clincher at this point. He and I would have to go through biblical conflict resolution and restoration, including Facebook (more for logistical reasons than anything now). Yep. 10. Mikki O'Neil. She's great as far as being a resource should conflict arise, if she can be found. And that is great to have resources. They also need an autism expert as a resource or an advocate as a resource. But she shifted to one on one Bible study with me and I felt it inappropriate because there was tension with her (as of yet to be resolved on my end though I would love to resolve it), but the shift created a conflict of interest for me. If they want me to do such a study like that, they really would be wisest to choose another female for me to that with. I essentially did bring these issues up many times. But they ignored me. They said sign it, them we'll address the issues. No sir. I cannot. It is not ironclad and it is full of missing information. If anyone anywhere handed me something like that to sign, I would do the same thing until it was corrected. My requests are not unreasonable. But they accuse me of trying to negotiate and claim it is non-negotiable. Baloney sandwiches. The ONLY thing in this world that is non-negotiable is the Bible! And according to that Bible, Tom should have talked with me and aimed for restoration and sought peace with me. Those two things are also two of many marks of a true Christian which would mean that since Tom refuses to seek peace and restoration with me that he cannot be a true Christian which would then me that he cannot be a pastor, an elder, or a deacon either. Also, church discipline. Well, the expectation from both the church membership vows and the document is that if I was truly out of bounds then they were supposed to engage in church discipline, but they didn't. And that is non-negotiable according to the Bible. According to what. Tom taught in theology, the discipline process can be very redemptive. Yeah, it can, but what it brings to mind is why would they refuse to do that with me? Discrimination. Abuse. Bullying. Hatred. Disobedience to God. That's got to be it. They want to twist the Bible to suit themselves. Surely that's it. And in their twisted Bible, everyone who has autism, including and especially me, doesn't deserve grace or to go to Heaven. Sure. That must be the reason. After all, for six months I tried to explain to Tom that they kept punishing me for having autism, and he kept brushing it off. He knew about the abuse yet he let it happen! Oh and Mark Guzzo only likes to destroy any relationship I have with any pastor because he is a jealous person who also bullied me because of the autism. Guess what? God also says whatever you do to any of the least of these, you also do it Me. Jesus got abused and bullied and excluded at Oak Mountain right along with me. And it really isn't right. Look, I don't know if this post will help or not, but maybe it will because if the right person sees it they can go back to the right people about it. But in all fairness and honesty, I have only ever asked that they make the corrections listed above to their document. That is all they have to do for me to sign it. That is all they ever had to do. And no, it cannot be sign it then we'll make the corrections. It has to be that they make the corrections and that I see they made the corrections for me to sign it. Sheesh! Even the government wouldn't force someone to sign something if the person finds fault with it and points it out. They would make the corrections necessary and them re-present it for a signature. A bank, a car dealership, a realtor, a library, a doctor, etc. ALL do just that. I am not trying to negotiate. I am trying to help them make things ironclad and not have room for any error or misinterpretation. But that is where and why I feel that every church leader should be required to attend lectures on autism and other special needs before being allowed to go I to that position. Because if they were, there would be less people getting abused and bullied like me and everyone that the same church abused and bullied before me. And if they truly believe in grace, they would take my suggestions seriously and honor them. As it stands now, there would be no time to with do any complaints. And maybe that is meant to be. If the presbytery does do something, then hopefully things can finally be resolved at that point. Well, either resolved or all the parties could face discipline. But this post is my own outreach of grace. Because they truly get one more chance to make it right. So God, I now got this off my chest. Please do what You know needs to be done. I know Tom could lose his job because of the whole mess though. But the basis of the complaint was the fact that he knew what the others were doing was wrong yet he did nothing to help or to fix it or to stop it which makes him just as guilty of doing what he acknowledged was wrong. And that cannot be overlooked. And I either need closure or resolution. So God, you want me to trade my worries for Your peace? Here you go. In Jesus' Name, Amen!