God Loves You for Who You Are

John 10:4 - "When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice." 

Ephesians 4:1-6 - I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit–just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call–one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. 

Dear God, I want to thank You for when Ginny had me read You Are Special by Max Lucado. Although at the time I did not see it, this event ties into the message presented in today's devotional passage. You love me for who I am, not for what I do. In the silences, many voices try to fight to control my mind. I am to fight to discern Your voice from that of others. When Mikki and Mark kept trying to force me to change into something I am not, it really hurt and made me question who I am. Am I supposed to change because someone else demands it in order to fit their idea of perfect or am I to change because You want it and have brought me into the change? In today's passage You said we are to be humble and gentle and patient and bear with one another in love. Did Tom do that? No. When the moment required it, he failed to do that. I am saddened by what he did. I am still hopeful that You will allow restoration or reconciliation. And I am trusting that You will when the time is right. Why? Because Tom, like Ginny, did see the real me. And like Ginny, he did accept it. He just gave in to negative peer pressure. But I also know now that Ginny was right. She was tired of fighting the others to get them to see where they were hurting me more than helping me. And I was tired of her having to fight that fight for me. She has her own daughter she will have to fight for because of their own journey with special needs. I pray Ginny and I will be able to reunite sometime because if we ever do, I will have to say a huge thank you to her for teaching me that You really do love me for me just the way I am. Thank You God for perfect love! In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Stop the Judging

Proverbs 3:11-12 - My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his re proof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

Isaiah 61:10 - I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

Luke 6:37-38 - "Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you."

Dear God, sinner saved by grace. That is all I need to see myself as. A sinner saved by grace. Sure, I have autism and sure, I get frustrated when I do not live up to others' unrealistic expectations of me, but I am a sinner saved by grace and only need to be concerned with what You think of me. Mikki and Mark tried to change me to what and who they thought I should be. Tom tried to force change when the one who really needed to change was him. He was less forceful though. Ginny was the only person other than my mom that accepted me for me. But even they are not as important as You. Your opinion of me is that I am Your child, and that Your Son paid my ransom so I can be free to be me, who. You created me to be. Anyone who sees me differently needs to look at their own reflection. Stop judging myself. That is a little harder, but so true. Do I look like someone else? Do I act or talk like them? No? Does it matter? Not really. You did not create us all to be exactly alike. The spectrum of Your creation is as beautiful and mysterious as the spectrum of autism. Thank You for the beauty of differences. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I've Got Plans for You

I Kings 8:22-24 - Then Solomon stood before the altar of the Lord in the presence of all the assembly of Israel and spread out his hands toward heaven, and said, "O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like you, in heaven above or on earth beneath, keeping covenant and showing steadfast love to your servants who walk before you with all their heart, who have kept with your servant David my father what you declared to him. You spoke with your mouth, and with your hand have fulfilled it this day."

I Kings 8:23 (NLT) - O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like you in all of heaven above or on the earth below. You keep your covenant and show unfailing love to all who walk before you in wholehearted devotion.

Galatians 5:22-23 - But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Dear God, You are telling me today that it is okay to be different and that it doesn't matter what other people think. That You sometimes plan for me to stand out from the crowd. I know thos to be true, but apparently this is where that church went wrong. Ginny learned who You designed me to be and encouraged me to find my way in life, YOUR way for me. But she was heartbroken because of how Mikki and Mark treated me. Mikki tried to change me. Not just behaviors or quirks that she didn't like, but who YOU created me to be. And Mark decided to prohibit me from being able to be involved as a member when he realied that I could NOT be changed because I was following the path YOU created for my life. Shame on them. And the thing is Tom refused to understand things until I left to allow time for me to explore things. But now, God, let's explore the fruit of the Spirit again here. Because the other thing I read today is that sometimes You call me to do something that I will not feel ready for but that Your power will make me good enough and brave enough to do. First, let me apply them to Tom and what he did when the conflict arose and he lied and destroyed the friendship instead of seeking reconciliation as You say we are to always do. Did he show love? No. Did he show joy? No. Peace? No. Patience? No. Kindness? No. Goodness? No. Faithfulness? No. Gentleness? No. Self-control? No. Did I? I tried, but even I may have slipped and failed. But because You do call me to more, I will be the one that takes the initiative to reach out to Tom and personally offer him another chance to come into reconciliation. And I will do it as person to person. If, and only if, we can work things out between the two of us, then, and only then, will I reconsider reconciling with his church. But, I will have to be honest. Based on all of my lessons this year, that church may just have to be history. It is too corrupted. It refuses to embrace special needs even though that comprises the majority of the work that Jesus did on earth. And maybe it is not even the whole of it or the whole of its leadership, but the ones who are corrupt and refuse are the ones who are the most vocal there somehow. And that is wrong for them. Corruption occurs when they stifle honest voices. Corruption occurs when the truth is brought to light and they do everything they can to snuff it out. Corruption occurs when a pastor is given TOO MUCH POWER. And sadly, I was NOT the ONLY one who has been hurt by that church because of that corruption. I have met others who crashed and burned because of them, more specifically, because of the pastor there. Oh, God, examine that church and that pastor. And examine my heart as well as I begin to take the first steps toward reconciliation with Tom. Open his heart to the process. And should he desire a third party, open the door for his wife or a mutual friend to participate in the process. Safe territory being his home. Neutral territory being any place that is not the church. God, one last request, now that the AC has been fixed, please do not let me get sick and please keep those without air conditioning cool. It is going to be a HOT one this week in the Deep South! Thank You, God, for the lessons You are teaching me every day. Keep my heart open to them, no matter how hard they might be at times. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Your Special Path

Micah 6:8 - He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

Micah 6:8 (ICB) - The Lord has told you what is good. He has told you what he wants from you: Do what is right to other people. Love being kind to others. And live humbly, trusting your God.

Ephesians 2:10 - For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Dear God, I understand that each person has his or her path in life. This is why I do not understand why Tom's church did what they did to me. They tried to change the path You had me on. And in doing that, they hurt me more than anyone ever could. When Tom did what he did, he knew he was wrong to do so. Yet he still did it. He knew he should have talked to me. Yet he didn't. Yet this is where things get weird, You, God, have taught me more about Your grace and Your love and Your mercy and Your kindness and Your forgiveness these past few months more so than Tom and most definitely more so than his church ever did. It turns that Your grace and love and mercy and kindness and forgiveness are more real and more alive than what even they could ever comprehend themselves and I have experienced it firsthand and now it is spilling over and You are asking me to share it. With Tom and with others. But You see. I have been through a lot and it was recommended that I write to Tom's church. But I think the reason I haven't printed that letter yet and sent it is because it isn't his church that I need to come to terms with yet. It is Tom. And then if he accepts, them it is his church. So help me God. Help me to write the words I need to say to him, the truth he needs to hear, maybe even for the first time. Or maybe the thousandth time as old and ancient as he is in terms of life experience because he is not really old and ancient. Anyway, God, each person does have his or her own path, and as it turns out, his church was wrong to interfere with Your work in my life and it was wrong to exclude me the way it did. Maybe it would have been different had they not tried to change who I am, who You created me to be. And I think even Ginny knew that which is why she told me some things that they would not be happy to know she told me. Because Ginny knew I needed to come into my own person and that the other two on that "team" were damaging me. They may not have intended to inflict damage, but they were actually very divisive which is what caused the damage. And until they address the root of the problem, they will never be able to grow as a church that is good for the people. They will only continue to fall away from You. I mean, even other people are struggling with that church and for a variety of reasons. Maybe it is time for them to stop and listen. Because they are falling apart from the inside out. God, thank You for the path. You have me on. I may long, it may be rough, and it may sometimes seem like it is a mystery to me, but thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen! 

Take Up Your Shield

Ephesians 6:10-20 - Finally, be strong in The Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in ipening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.

Ephesians 6:16 - In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

James 4:7-8 - Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Revelation 12:10-12 - And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, "Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. Therefore, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them! But owe to you, O earth and sea, for the devil has come down to you in great wrath, because he knows that his time is short!"

Dear God, Based on what I am reading today about what Satan's arrows of lies are, I am saddened to realize that some of those lies that I had to endure hearing actually came from the very people who were assigned to work with me at Tom's church. And that I did tell him about the injuries that were inflicted upon me as a result of them and yet he did nothing but try to accuse me of misunderstanding them. But Ginny, who I miss greatly, saw through them and saw the hurt and heard the pain and even felt it and she was moved with compassion for me. She tried to turn things around. Mikki's words still hurt me today as do Mark's, and I will never be able to truly recover from them, especially not after what Tom did and the way he did it. God, move through my heart today as I start the process of the letter to be mailed. And move in Tom's heart as well. Mikki and Mark both used the diagnosis of the autism against me. They belittled me and they used it as an excuse to exclude me, when what they should have done is used the knowledge of it to find out more about why I am the way I am and how they could more effectually minister to and with me and include me. "You can't do this activity because you have autism and to might happen and this and that and this and that." Baloney sandwiches. I have autism and I CAN do everything that my peers can do except that I might need a little bit of help along the way and some mentoring and I might need an escape and a safe room to go to when I do need it. I have autism and I CAN do it. I may need to go through therapy to desensitize me. I may even need to use a device to help me communicate better. I may need to run letters and e-mails and other things I need to say through some people who can serve as filters before I can say them, but I CAN. I can do choir because I love music and music gives me a voice. I can do puppetry because puppetry gives me a voice without putting me in the spotlight. I can play music because, again, it gives me a tool for communicating. I can write because writing is my voice. I can paint now because I am less afraid of the texture, and it gives me a way to show the world how I see it. I think in pictures. Right now, we are concerned because the hearing aids I need will cost a lot of money, but I need them so I can hear the world again. My exhaustion is literally from having to work TOO hard at what I need to do in order to do what I need to do. My body and my brain can no longer handle things. It comes to being able to work efficiently, not harder. I have autism and I CAN. That care team, particularly Mark and Mikki! should have worked toward the I can rather than the I can't. They should have strived for inclusion rather than exclusion. "Whatsoever you do to the least of these, you do to Me." (Matthew 25:31-46) "For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. ... On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together." (I Corinthians 12:12-31) A church that does not act as a body may not be a church at all. And on the case of Tom's church, I can see where it forgot that it is a body and that all people who come through it and become a part of it are equal and deserve to be treated equally. If one member messes up and gets to go through the Matthew 18 process toward reconciliation, then every member should have that same opportunity. But I never got that and when Tom screwed up, I was not given that chance, but rather they violated their own document that they kept insisting I sign before they would even consider making the corrections that are needed before I could sign it. But the thing is, if no other person has to sign something before they can attend church there in terms of that same kind of document they drew up that outright excludes me from everything that the church hinges on, then why should I have to? Because what that document would do, if signed, is give them permission to abuse me. As it is, they took the lack of a signature and abused me anyway. They destroyed things with Tom after he had reassured me that we could remain friends after I severed membership. And even though Tom had the responsibility of acting in accordance with Matthew 18 with regard to our conflict, he did not. He was irresponsible and he crushed my spirit. And now I am being called to more and being stretched by being called and pulled to write a letter that may or may not even get read to extend grace to Tom and give him a chance to make things right with him and me or at least talk with me and give me the closure I still need. As to his church, maybe I won't bother because they are not a church. They are a disorganized group of bullies who abuse people who have autism and other special needs. Their leaders are arrogant and corrupt. I wonder if they are republican? Lack compassion for the least of these? Check. Say one thing but do another? Check. Biblically bankrupt? Check. Yep. Sounds republican. Not to offend, but there is just too much I now have to ask myself in all of this as the distance and the time have led to a lot of things including the capacity to think for myself and reason things through. Can I extend grace to Tom as an individual and his wife and invite them into a conversation that if nothing else will give me much needed closure? Yes. Can I extend grace to his church and invite them into conversation for the same reason? Yes. Will there be enough grace to give them another chance even if they did meet with me and amend things and present a new document? I don't know. Because they don't deserve it. Will there be enough grace should we say, okay, it will not work out with me, but what can be done for the future consultation? Yes. If Jesus spent the greatest part of the three years of ministry that are recorded on the Bible ministering to people like me the most, then churches need to model that. The greatest number of people who are unchurched in America are those who are challenged and blessed by special needs family members. And 90 percent of special needs families are unchurched. That is a lot. So, back to Satan's lies. Tom believed lies and it got to him. I believed lies and it got to me. God, equip me so I can hear Your truth and not the lies. Thank Hou. In Jesus' Name, Amen!