Even When You Don't Understand

Isaiah 6:3 - And one called to another said: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory."

II Corinthians 5:7 - for we walk by faith, not by sight.

I Thessalonians 5:18 - give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Hebrews 13:8 - Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Dear God, I don't understand. A lot. I don't understand why a church that claims to practice grace would resort to bullying and abuse and excluding someone as soon as they learn the person has autism. I don't understand why they would think the autism is an excuse for them to not do the very things they claim to practice and believe. I don't understand how or. Tom acted so hurtful and mean toward me instead of acting like a Christian and working toward conflict resolution with me. Instead, he lied about what happened and he spread those lies and he cause permanent and irreparable harm for me and to me and my family. As a result of what he did, I no longer want anything to do with any church ever again. Not until safety nets exist that churches will legally be obligated to follow when it comes to special needs children and adults where if they abuse or bully any of them, they will face legal repercussions. But if safety nets had existed to start with then they would not have been able to abuse or bully me to start with. Their leadership did wrong and yet I got punished for it. And that is not fair nor appropriate. That is corruptive. And their higher authority is just as corruptive. The PCA denomination is corrupted at this point and it makes me sad to see. It should make most people sad, but I fear they are becoming brainwashed by their own selfish greed. Hmmm.... Sounds like that nasty tea party has crept into the churches too. A millennial with special needs is speaking out now. Things better change on accordance with Matthew 25:31-46 or things will continue to fall apart in the churches. Okay, God, yes, in a way, I have just issued a complaint, but I know I cannot make it better, not without Your help. Bring about conversation though. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I Never Left

Genesis 28:15 - Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.

Romans 8:31 - What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Hebrews 13:8 - Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. 

Dear God, I want to be loved. It is just so hard for me. Every time someone says they are my friend and that they love me and that they always will love me, they turn around and hurt me, like Tom. He didn't even give me closure. He just broke his promises and his compromise. I kept my end of the compromise and he broke it. That level of hurt that he caused is almost impossible to get past, especially when the right thing to do is to seek restoration. His failure to do so means he does not love You the way he claims to, that he lied to me, and that he is not a Christian since one of the marks of a true believer as You have named in scripture is the willingness to seek restoration and aim for peace with another believer. If he is a true believer, then You need to work on softening his heart and bring about the conversation God. He was not just a friend, but he was a father figure and that kind of a friend is not one that can just do what he did without there being lasting consequences. And it is not one that can be forgotten or let go of. It is one that has to be fought for and restored. If it is not restored, I could be lost forever as I give up on trying altogether because of fear that I will just be hurt again because of the bullies who pushed him to abuse me like he did when he violated his end of the compromise. God, I want to seek peace and aim for restoration. I want the biblical conflict resolution process to begin with him. But You need to move in a big way. Please. Before I give up on You too for fear that You will ultimately reject me altogether too. It hurts knowing that they abused me and bullied me just because they learned that I have autism. It really does. It hurts that rather than listen to me or work with me or include me or even to work on conflict resolution that they chose instead to abuse me. Their actions and Tom's actions lack the grace that they claim to cling to and that they talk so much about. And their excuse? Because if have autism and to them that makes me less deserving of grace somehow which is simply not true. If anything, the autism means I need more grace. God, please move. Please bring a conversation with Tom at least. Please bring closure if nothing else. Please God. Thank You for loving me even when I pull away and fight against You because of my fear. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Don't Be Tricked

I Corinthians 13:13 - So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

II Corinthians 4:18 - ...as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Ephesians 3:20-21 - Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Dear God, According to this, You are most definitely sovereign. But it seems that we, as humans, often forget this fact. If only we would rest in Your sovereignty then maybe we might actually stand a fighting chance against all that is evil and against Your word. By that, I don't mean that we call a president names or speak ugly about him just because we might disagree with something he does. God, please bless President Obama as I know that he has been trying to bring America back to You through actions of trying to make sure that those who most need assistance have it. Healthcare for one. It seems that in light of everything that has been happening in America, people, including those who claim to be Christians, have forgotten You and what Your purpose for our lives really is. They have allowed color to blind them and their integrity. They have shown that racism is still very much alive in America. And they have proven that greed is abundant in their attitude toward poor and sick people. They do not want to make sure that everyone has food or healthcare because they think that people are just lazy. But that is simply not the truth at all. If it were not for taxes, there truly might not be any charity at all in America. Americans are greedy. I know. I am an American, and it is hard for me to want to part with whatever little bit of money I might have. When a church discriminates against someone because that person has special needs and then they go so far as to even say comply with our discrimination against you, give us permission to abuse you more than we already have or else we will not show you any mercy no matter what the situation, it proves how greedy and how corrupt and how vile churches have even become when it comes to people in need. It breaks my heart. Faith, hope, and love. They are eternal. But sometimes it is hard to keep them when people keep knocking you down and beating up on you and bruising your spirit. Help me God to keep them strong though. Help me this next week to finish the letter and the chart to go with it. Help me to actually send it. Help me not be afraid and to keep trusting You. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

A New You

Matthew 28:5-7 - But the angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and behold, he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him. See, I have told you."

II Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Dear God, I know You are working to create a new life in me, but even still, I will always have the autism. That cannot be changed. I will always have struggles and challenges with it. I can only learn so much in a clinical setting though. I have to be allowed to be involved in activities that I would encounter on a regular basis in order to put what I learn about in a clinical setting or a class to the test. But it is hard to do that when the first thing a church does after learning about the autism is immediately jump to excluding me from participation rather than letting me be with others where I can practice what I learn. And that is Oak Mountain did. I was very involved with all kinds of things until that conflict with Bob. I tried to keep things internal and find someone within the church who would know the process for conflict resolution, but then he punished me for doing so. So I had to go externally. With Tom, I tried to use the things I had been taught, but then he refused and he exacerbated things, and then when he acknowledged that what the church did was wrong he did nothing about it and made things even worse until he basically destroyed my spirit and shattered my heart. He unnecessarily hurt me. In some ways, I do believe that he intentionally did things to create conflict with me because he wanted the old "drama" that he uses to describe the meltdowns I have as a result if the autism and the sensory overloads. In other ways, I want to believe the best about him though and believe that he truly did not mean to or want to hurt me, but if that was the case then he had no justification to severe the friendship on Facebook either, he could have kept that intact per EVERY promise he ever made to me and the compromise he agreed to with me in the last words he ever said to me. But because he didn't do that, because he didn't uphold that, because by that point he had been caught in lies, I had no choice to but to file a complaint about him. God, the problem isn't that I will always have the autism no matter how much You are working in me. The problem is that Oak Mountain seems to want to exterminate the autism completely as though the autism were a sin. They want to change me as a person and change my inborn personality that You gave me and make me into something I am not. And because they cannot change what You designed, they want to exclude me. They said it was for my protection, but what they fail to recognize is that by excluding me from those activities that I was involved with, it led to more questions being asked by more people. And if I were to be honest which I am supposed to be, then it would mean that I would have to tell a lot more people about the abuse and the bullying that Mark and Mikki and Bob and Gordon did and even Ken and now Tom. Oh God, please give the presbytery the wisdom to know how best to handle the complaint. And please lead them in putting together the committee that will meet with everyone to see what kind of resolution can occur, if any, or what steps can or need to be taken next. And please soften the heart of Tom to go through conflict resolution and soften the hearts of the leadership at Oak Mountain before they damage another person who has autism or any other kind of special needs, whether it is a child, a teenager, an adult, or the entire family of the individual. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

 

Easter Song by Keith Green (YouTube)

Hear the bells ringing, they're singing

That we can be born again

Hear the bells ringing, they're singing

Christ is risen from the dead

The bagel up on the tombstone

Said, He has risen, just as He said

Quickly now, go tell His disciples

That Jesus Christ is no longer dead

Joy to the world

He has risen, Hallelujah

He's risen, Hallelujah 

He's risen, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hear the bells ringing, they're singing

That you can be healed right now

Hear the bells ringing, they're singing

Christ, He will reveal it now

The angels, they all surround us

And they are ministering Jesus' power

Quickly now, reach out and receive it

For this could be your glorious hour

Joy to this world

He has risen, Hallelujah 

He's risen, Hallelujah 

He's risen, Hallelujah Hallelujah 

The angel up on the tombstone

Said, He has risen, just as He said

Quickly now, go tell His disciples

That Jesus Christ is no longer dead

Joy to the world

He has risen, Hallelujah

He's risen, Hallelujah

He's risen, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Be Bold!

Isaiah 41:11-13 - Behold, all who are incensed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; those who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish. You shall seek those who contend with you, but you shall not find them; those who war against you shall be as nothing at all. For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you." 

Isaiah 41:13 (ICB) - I am the Lord your God. I am holding your right hand. And I tell you, "Don't be afraid. I will help you."

Hebrews 12:1-2 - Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Dear God, You said You would be right there with me no matter what comes my way. In these passages I see that You will in fact somehow work things out, though maybe not the way anyone expects, with regard to Tom Patton and those other bullies from his church (Gordon, Mark, Mikki, and Ken). I know that it means the presbytery has to decide on its approach to things as well, but if You already know how to handle the situation, then I will have to put aside my worry and my fear like You ask of me and trust that they have wisdom enough to pull a committee together to help with the resolution no matter what the resolution may look like in the end. Ultimately, my heart desires to show the grace that I was taught about, though never given by them at that church because true grace wouldn't exclude people from any aspect of any activity of the church as long as the activity is age-appropriate and gender-appropriate and true grace especially would never grab onto a person's diagnosis of autism and use it as an excuse to exclude the person - that's outright discrimination anyway. But alas, grace prevails and I want to give them one more chance, it just cannot be under their terms and conditions the way they want to insist. It is I, who is in control, well, technically You are in control, but You put the reins in my hand in how to best approach things now. And You are asking me to keep my eyes on the prize the whole way through. The prize in this particular case is full restoration with Tom (including Facebook, which he had no justification to violate his compromise or promises regarding) and resolution and restoration with his church where my TRUE friends really are because the fact is that my TRUE friends loved me before my diagnosis and still love me and still have not found justification for the church leadership to abuse and bully and mistreat and exclude me the way it has. Lord, give me strength facing the next few days between now and when the presbytery meets. Give me strength for whatever decision they make and wisdom to know what to do from that point. May it be a favorable decision though that moves forward into a conflict resolution process since that is the very thing You command us to do to start with (II Corinthians 13:11 and Romans 12:9-21). Oh, and God, I have three more requests if that is okay? 1. For the letter to make the appointment regarding the exact amount of assistance to come soon (attorney's letter said within 30-45 days). You brought me through a long and strenuous process. 2. Physical healing. My throat feels really sore and achy, considerably more so than yesterday. 3. Mom to get out of her funk and start the process of looking for a new job rather than just sitting at home complaining about having to save every penny we can because we have less money now and have all the bills coming in that have to be taken care of. It sucks that she got fired over a misunderstanding and that the supervisor was not more clear about her instructions or the question posed to her more clear because of definitions that even I would have probably said the same thing. No she did not take files home, but she took folders home that would be able to make files. She was handed the things at the very last minute as the supervisors were rushing them out the door because of the weather that was already deteriorating. A folder is not a file until there is a label on it and information in it. They should have been more specific about their question. She did not lie. She answered the question honestly based on her understanding of it. And as honest as I am (brutally honest), I would have answered the same way. Because the difference in meaning is very sharp. Now God, I have a thank You, and although some people might disagree, I know that it is within Your will because ultimately, it is You who appoints all authority under heaven, but thank You for the Affordable Care Act. It may be confusing as heck right now, but it is a good and a right step forward in this country. It removes illegal discrimination by insurance companies which now lets the people who most need insurance the insurance and the key to access the same affordable care that others have enjoyed for so long (the Americans with Disabilities Act says that covered individuals have that right, but when an insurance company is allowed to charge them more or deny them or drop them, they are acting in violation of that law). Some people will find every reason they can to complain: they don't like the president because he is of a different color, they don't like him because he is so progressive thinking, they don't like him because he's "socialist" or "communist" (oh, please, if he is socialist by the way they describe him because he wants to help the poor and the sick rather than the rich and the healthy, then he is doing what Jesus would do and says everyone is to do according to Matthew 25:31-46 and a whole lot better than Tom's church which failed to exercise grace with me and excluded me because I have autism; and if he was a communist, then the people running around bad-mouthing him or the laws being made right now would be in jail; and if he was a dictator, they would be beheaded). They have even assumed that the president is a Muslim (he has said repeatedly that he is not and why would his religion matter anyway since Kennedy was a Catholic). In Romans 13:1-7, You are clear what the Christian duty to government is. Throughout both the Old and New Testaments, I read about how the government takes care of the needs of the people. To hear Christians in particular bad-mouthing the president, the ACA, and oh yeah, taxes (I will never see a penny of my tax dollars because people are getting assistance and they are all just lazy moochers (yeah, great, so the veteran who served this country for you to be an ungrateful pig is lazy, and the elderly who worked all their lives and earned their retirement is just lazy, and the disabled person who can no longer work and can barely function outside the home is just lazy, and the hard working mom made single by war or some other circumstance is just lazy, or the couple who has one working and the other serving as a caregiver to the children who have disabilities is just lazy), or the church should be taking care of these people not the government (by the way, those people need not leave their houses anymore because tax dollars are used for the roads, the schools, the police and fire departments as well as social programs designed to help people whom are often even referred to them by churches!)), but to hear so-called Christians spewing these things makes me angry. Oh, God, give me the courage and the strength to not back down where not backing down is required and the wisdom to know when backing down is necessary. Give me the grace to be able to show to those who may not even deserve it (Tom and his church), so that if nothing else, they see You and not me shining through. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I Give You Peace

John 14:27 - Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 20:19-23 - On the evening of that day, the first day of the week, the doors being locked where the disciples were for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you." When he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you." And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of anyone, they are forgiven; if you withhold forgiveness from anyone, it is withheld."

Dear God, I wish I could feel Your peace more. But it aggravates me that Tom acted like a heartless jerk. It aggravates me that he knew that what that church was doing with regard to me was wrong yet allowed to happen and then joined in. It aggravates me that he basically lied about being my friend and caring so much for me and wanting what was best. It aggravates me that he became a bully and an abuser in that one moment when grace was most needed. It aggravates me that he and that church are unwilling to resolve the conflict. It aggravates me that Tom, in that one action and decision, failed to evidence the marks of a true Christian. It aggravates me that because of his own hard-hearted, ungracious act of unforgiveness and abuse that I had to file a complaint about what he did wrong. Seek peace and aim for restoration. That is what You tell us to do if we are Christians. God, as You know, the weather here has been wild, so the presbytery had to move its meeting. I got told that it was great that I wanted to seek resolution though no matter what. That's all I ever wanted to do. But to have resolution, both sides have to be willing to come together and redraw the lines. And to put it simply, Tom has refused because I am pretty sure he got bullied and the church has refused because they still want me to sign that document that I already said is no longer even valid just based on the one fact that they violated their own terms. Not to mention that what their document is is outright discrimination. Not restorative. Not full of the grace they talk so much about at that church. It evidences the abuse I was put through by two-thirds of the care team. It evidences the abuse that Tom was informed of but allowed to happen anyway. It subjects me to continued abuse. And Tom knew and knows it is wrong. He even wrote that. Twice. It saddens me. A lot. And in that I do not feel peace. I feel unrest. I feel anger. God, Tom and these men are not able to withhold forgiveness like the disciples. They can try, but I know You forgive me because I know You know why things happened and You know that it was simply an autistic meltdown caused by a lot of emotional stress, a lot of which was caused by Tom himself. But God, I did ask them for forgiveness and to evidence forgiveness and they have failed. I asked Tom to evidence forgiveness and readiness to be forgiven, but he has failed. He is unrepentant and therefore unforgivable. For a person cannot receive forgiveness unless they repent and ask for it. Oh dear God, how much I long for Your peace. Unresolved conflict, unrest because my mom has lost her job and sadly has done nothing toward making necessary phone calls to get another one, and now another wait regarding the disability matters. It is hard to feel at peace in the middle of all of that going on! So here I am giving You what is on my heart and mind. Please give me some peace today. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Don't Be Distracted

Psalm 42:11 - Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

Romans 8:28 - And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Dear God, All I ask today is that You prepare the hearts of the people at presbytery who will be determining what needs to be done with regard to Tom Patton and that church. It really does make me sad that he willfully ignore the fact that I was being bullied and abused. And it hurts more that he became a bully and an abuser. It hurts that he believed and spread lies about me. It makes me angry that he has been allowed to just get away with it. It makes me sad that he refuses to seek peace and restoration which reflects on his character more than anything else. If the marks of a true Christian include those two key things, then he is not a Christian and can no longer serve in his capacity. As sad it may make me feel, it is the reality. God, I want to believe that You will work all this out for the good, but it is hard. Tom always said he had my best interest in mind and at heart yet when the time came where that was most needed to be proven and for the most grace to be exercised, he failed miserably. I have been told that if an offense is minor enough to try to overlook it, but what Tom did is nothing minor and it cannot be overlooked and should not be overlooked either. He has to be called under accountability for what he did. They have to be called under accountability for what they did. And I am hoping and praying and struggling to trust that You will make sure they are brought under accountability. That is what would be good, not just for me, but for everyone. Because sadly, it turns out that I really am not the only one who has been hurt or bullied or abused or neglected or adversely impacted by their actions. Many people have been. And sadly, those people, like me, have been accused of many things and been made out to be the sole offender and the bad person when that simply isn't true at all. They have bullies in their midst and those bullies have corrupted them, and a corrupt church is not a church at all. Apparently You do not take kindly to corrupt churches either. But today, I am going to try to refocus and exchange my anxiety for Your peace and Your comfort, okay, God? In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Your Love Never Fails by Newsboys (YouTube)

Nothing can separate

Even if I run away

Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes

You have new mercy for me everyday

Cause your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages

Your love never changes

There may be pain in the night

But joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage

I don't have to be afraid

Because I know that You love me

Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water's deep

But I'm not alone here in these open seas

Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide

I never thought I'd reach the other side

But Your love never fails

You make all things work together for my good

You make all things work together for my good

Run to Me

Psalm 46:1-3 - God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at it's swelling. Selah

Romans 8:6 - to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 

Dear God, I would love to peace right now, but things are so hard and so confusing. The leadership of Oak Mountain still want me to sign agreement to continued bullying and abuse. They want me to sign it before they will make any changes. But the problem is that with all that has happened, they would have to make the changes before I could sign anything. Why? 1. They violated it. But beyond that, there are other things. 2. Three of six of their activities that they listed no longer exist. As to the remaining three, well, that is where they violated it. 3. Tom Patton said he had an issue with women's ministry being restricted because it was something I consistently did well with. He's right. And they need to unrestricted it as he had requested. 4. Sunday school was never addressed. This would leave too much room for error. And it could lead to unnecessary hurt. 5. They have a section called permanent exclusions which should never exist in a church that claims to practice grace. NOT ever. Also, translation of that is discrimination. Because one of the activities was declared as off limits to restriction if it is open to all people even nonmembers. And that is the small group or LIFE group. They flat out targeted the autism with that one. And even though the therapist said I was ready, they still refused. That is the thing that caused a conflict - the therapist said they were paying her but refusing to take any of her suggestions. Yes, I had a conflict with two people. One of which just absolutely finds me antagonistic (which is actually quite funny because she finds compliments to be antagonistic, and from what I have been told repeatedly, I am too sweet or too kind). She found me antagonistic if I said anything, if I didn't say anything, if I smiled, if I frowned, it just didn't matter, she found me antagonistic. Other than that, I actually did great with it. Surely they could find alternatives or let me just go with a friend so I can just learn. Excluding me will never teach me anything though. 6. Absolutely got hounded by people who wanted me back on kiosk. And like most things, I did great with it when teamed up with other people. Instead of excluding me, they should just add to those things they deem as restricted. 7. Wording. The way the thing is worded is offensive. Period. Instead of "restricted," they could say that these activities are ones that we know that Susan can do her best with when she is on a team or with a buddy. 8. I don't initiate phone calls. Not unless it's an emergency or I need something (appointment, application, etc.). Come to think of it, most of us on the spectrum do not initiate phone calls. So as far as that one goes, a simple modification allowing one e-mail per week would be better and reasonable. 9. Tom Patton. Ah! The biggest clincher at this point. He and I would have to go through biblical conflict resolution and restoration, including Facebook (more for logistical reasons than anything now). Yep. 10. Mikki O'Neil. She's great as far as being a resource should conflict arise, if she can be found. And that is great to have resources. They also need an autism expert as a resource or an advocate as a resource. But she shifted to one on one Bible study with me and I felt it inappropriate because there was tension with her (as of yet to be resolved on my end though I would love to resolve it), but the shift created a conflict of interest for me. If they want me to do such a study like that, they really would be wisest to choose another female for me to that with. I essentially did bring these issues up many times. But they ignored me. They said sign it, them we'll address the issues. No sir. I cannot. It is not ironclad and it is full of missing information. If anyone anywhere handed me something like that to sign, I would do the same thing until it was corrected. My requests are not unreasonable. But they accuse me of trying to negotiate and claim it is non-negotiable. Baloney sandwiches. The ONLY thing in this world that is non-negotiable is the Bible! And according to that Bible, Tom should have talked with me and aimed for restoration and sought peace with me. Those two things are also two of many marks of a true Christian which would mean that since Tom refuses to seek peace and restoration with me that he cannot be a true Christian which would then me that he cannot be a pastor, an elder, or a deacon either. Also, church discipline. Well, the expectation from both the church membership vows and the document is that if I was truly out of bounds then they were supposed to engage in church discipline, but they didn't. And that is non-negotiable according to the Bible. According to what. Tom taught in theology, the discipline process can be very redemptive. Yeah, it can, but what it brings to mind is why would they refuse to do that with me? Discrimination. Abuse. Bullying. Hatred. Disobedience to God. That's got to be it. They want to twist the Bible to suit themselves. Surely that's it. And in their twisted Bible, everyone who has autism, including and especially me, doesn't deserve grace or to go to Heaven. Sure. That must be the reason. After all, for six months I tried to explain to Tom that they kept punishing me for having autism, and he kept brushing it off. He knew about the abuse yet he let it happen! Oh and Mark Guzzo only likes to destroy any relationship I have with any pastor because he is a jealous person who also bullied me because of the autism. Guess what? God also says whatever you do to any of the least of these, you also do it Me. Jesus got abused and bullied and excluded at Oak Mountain right along with me. And it really isn't right. Look, I don't know if this post will help or not, but maybe it will because if the right person sees it they can go back to the right people about it. But in all fairness and honesty, I have only ever asked that they make the corrections listed above to their document. That is all they have to do for me to sign it. That is all they ever had to do. And no, it cannot be sign it then we'll make the corrections. It has to be that they make the corrections and that I see they made the corrections for me to sign it. Sheesh! Even the government wouldn't force someone to sign something if the person finds fault with it and points it out. They would make the corrections necessary and them re-present it for a signature. A bank, a car dealership, a realtor, a library, a doctor, etc. ALL do just that. I am not trying to negotiate. I am trying to help them make things ironclad and not have room for any error or misinterpretation. But that is where and why I feel that every church leader should be required to attend lectures on autism and other special needs before being allowed to go I to that position. Because if they were, there would be less people getting abused and bullied like me and everyone that the same church abused and bullied before me. And if they truly believe in grace, they would take my suggestions seriously and honor them. As it stands now, there would be no time to with do any complaints. And maybe that is meant to be. If the presbytery does do something, then hopefully things can finally be resolved at that point. Well, either resolved or all the parties could face discipline. But this post is my own outreach of grace. Because they truly get one more chance to make it right. So God, I now got this off my chest. Please do what You know needs to be done. I know Tom could lose his job because of the whole mess though. But the basis of the complaint was the fact that he knew what the others were doing was wrong yet he did nothing to help or to fix it or to stop it which makes him just as guilty of doing what he acknowledged was wrong. And that cannot be overlooked. And I either need closure or resolution. So God, you want me to trade my worries for Your peace? Here you go. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I Wish I Was Normal!

It's sad when a church causes someone to feel so hurt that they would speak those words. It's the biggest insult to God.

But sadly, the document they have me was deemed as abusive, discriminating, and bullying.

So now what? I can't stay because I'll be excluded. But I don't want to lose my friends.

I'm not safe where I am now. I never will be until they start practicing Matthew 25.

What they did is wrong. They hurt me and hurt my relationships because of that one document.

"Flagrant disregard for the peace and purity of the church." Because I consulted experts to try to protect everyone from implications caused by the document. But yet they did the same thing to me spreading word about me against me.

I'm being excluded because I have autism.

I'm afraid. Afraid to lose my friends but more afraid to stay. Staying means excluded. Going means I lose my friends.

I'm confused. And I'm hurt.

Dear God, I'm sorry You made me the way You did. I wish I was normal. Because maybe then I wouldn't be excluded. I'm sorry for insulting You. Please forgive me. Amen.