Seeking Perfection

Exodus 20:3 - You shall have no other gods before me.

Psalm 37:4 - Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Dear God, no other gods. Money is a god for some people. I think it is a god for most republicans. They have it. Others don't. Because money has become their god, they treat those who don't like they are not even people but objects. That is what they do when they threaten to take healthcare from people or when they threaten to discriminate against people who receive SNAP by trying to dictate what they can and cannot eat or drink when the real culprit is one ingredient: high fructose corn syrup, and the reality is that there are more fat rich people than there are poor fat people. And in the south, it is more of a problem of the obsession with fried foods. But this belittling of the poor and judgment of the poor whether it comes to trying to dictate what they can and cannot buy because they assume there is "rampant" fraud - I am pretty sure that less than one percent fraud is nowhere near rampant because rampant means widespread and there is more fraud in congress than in SNAP or Social Security combined! - or whether it is trying to deny healthcare to people just because they are poor (congress keeps trying to repeal the ACA or Bentley is blocking Medicaid expansion which is forcing hospitals in rural communities to shut down in Alabama because they can no longer handle the financial burden of the uninsured poor) has become their god. Duck Dynasty guy was telling the republicans to get more godly, and now I understand what he means. The anti-abortion and anti-homosexuality fixation they have developed alongside the anti-poor and hate the president mentality they have has become their god. Money has become their god. They get paid $174,000 per year and yet they do nothing for the people anymore. They even shut down the government because of their sick obsession with trying to keep people from gaining access to affordable healthcare. They have it, so why shouldn't everyone else? Not every job provides insurance. And insurance used to illegally discriminate against people. Now they want government to discriminate against people who receive SNAP by dictating what they can and cannot buy when there are already restrictions in place. Discrimination - denying a group of people something others can have for some reason. Insurance used to deny people with pre-exciting conditions. Many places still discriminate against the disabled. Many of the pre-existing conditions can be disabling. Places used to discriminate against people of color and some places still do. If banning the purchase of soda is good enough for people who get SNAP, then they must ban purchase of soda for ALL of the people, or else it is called discrimination. Instead of a ban on purchasing it with SNAP, they need to ban HFCS which has banned in other countries already, is no longer needed, and is more directly tied to obesity and diabetes than anything else. Don't believe me? Do some research about when it became the main ingredient in sodas and when fast food restaurants began showing up on every corner. You also will find that that is around the time girls entered puberty earlier and earlier. Another thing to consider is that the cost of healthy foods needs to be brought down in price and grocery tax needs to be repealed in all states with the exception of the proposal to tax products containing HFCS. The ban of HFCS or the special grocery tax on products containing HFCS will go further and be more effective than dictating what SNAP recipients can and cannot buy which then has to be a sweeping restriction on all of the people to prevent illegal discrimination. Look, God, I know You already know these things, but Bentley and DeMarco and that Palmer guy they said will be in some runoff do not seem to get it. Another god? Guns. They are obsessed with guns to the extent that some idiot actually tried to carry his (more like flaunt it) into a church that was serving as a polling place. All the polling places are subject to federal guidelines which prohibit guns or any other weapon. The church does and maintains business on a daily basis and I believe offers childcare and it is private property. The man was disrespectful and arrogant. Now he is threatening to do it again, which I hope police will just take action at that point because if he wants to break the state law and the local law, then he should have to deal with the consequences. But they are so obsessed, I have seen people claim that it is a "God-given right." When asked to point to where it says it is his God-given right in the Bible, he said it isn't in the Bible. So I said, well then it isn't your God-given right; it is a man-made right, and not even one intended for the general populace. But it is my God-given right to live and have food and healthcare if I am sick and to be treated with respect with dignity. After considering a lot of things from the past few days, I now know why Christians should not be involved in government. As congressmen or senators though. One of them is out on the radio saying if he wins, he will impose his religion and his beliefs on everyone. Well, that is a violation of the First Amendment. Little wonder why America is so messed up right now. They lost focus and their moral compass has shifted too far into legalism. And that is what the Pharisees did. When a pope who exemplifies what Jesus did while on earth actually commends the president for his efforts to help the poor in regards to access to food and healthcare, you know he must doing something right. When the pope actually criticizes what congress is doing, you know they are doing something wrong. I am not even catholic, but even I like what the pope is doing! By the way, if Bentley or DeMarco happen on this, I do not care how good a Christian you claim to be but if you block access or take away access to healthcare from someone because you hate the president so much, then you are not a Christian because a true Christian would not do that. Matthew 25:31-46 and Romans 13:1-7 guys. As long you disrespect the president, you disrespect God. And I do not support anyone who disrespects the president of the country my mother and my ancestors served. Furthermore, DeMarco, if you hate the president so much and have no intention of actually working with the president who will basically be your boss in D.C., then why are you even bothering to run? If I went to apply for a job with your attitude, I would not be hired. Period. God, five more months until November. Give me peace and comfort and most of all wisdom. I am now finally gaining understanding of what some of those lessons I have been taught actually mean! Now if Tom would just exemplify You and seek restoration with me like You say he is supposed to have done to start with. Sigh. God, thank. You for lessons learned and revelations of Yourself. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Don't Be Tricked

I Corinthians 13:13 - So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

II Corinthians 4:18 - ...as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Ephesians 3:20-21 - Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Dear God, According to this, You are most definitely sovereign. But it seems that we, as humans, often forget this fact. If only we would rest in Your sovereignty then maybe we might actually stand a fighting chance against all that is evil and against Your word. By that, I don't mean that we call a president names or speak ugly about him just because we might disagree with something he does. God, please bless President Obama as I know that he has been trying to bring America back to You through actions of trying to make sure that those who most need assistance have it. Healthcare for one. It seems that in light of everything that has been happening in America, people, including those who claim to be Christians, have forgotten You and what Your purpose for our lives really is. They have allowed color to blind them and their integrity. They have shown that racism is still very much alive in America. And they have proven that greed is abundant in their attitude toward poor and sick people. They do not want to make sure that everyone has food or healthcare because they think that people are just lazy. But that is simply not the truth at all. If it were not for taxes, there truly might not be any charity at all in America. Americans are greedy. I know. I am an American, and it is hard for me to want to part with whatever little bit of money I might have. When a church discriminates against someone because that person has special needs and then they go so far as to even say comply with our discrimination against you, give us permission to abuse you more than we already have or else we will not show you any mercy no matter what the situation, it proves how greedy and how corrupt and how vile churches have even become when it comes to people in need. It breaks my heart. Faith, hope, and love. They are eternal. But sometimes it is hard to keep them when people keep knocking you down and beating up on you and bruising your spirit. Help me God to keep them strong though. Help me this next week to finish the letter and the chart to go with it. Help me to actually send it. Help me not be afraid and to keep trusting You. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Run to Me

Psalm 46:1-3 - God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at it's swelling. Selah

Romans 8:6 - to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 

Dear God, I would love to peace right now, but things are so hard and so confusing. The leadership of Oak Mountain still want me to sign agreement to continued bullying and abuse. They want me to sign it before they will make any changes. But the problem is that with all that has happened, they would have to make the changes before I could sign anything. Why? 1. They violated it. But beyond that, there are other things. 2. Three of six of their activities that they listed no longer exist. As to the remaining three, well, that is where they violated it. 3. Tom Patton said he had an issue with women's ministry being restricted because it was something I consistently did well with. He's right. And they need to unrestricted it as he had requested. 4. Sunday school was never addressed. This would leave too much room for error. And it could lead to unnecessary hurt. 5. They have a section called permanent exclusions which should never exist in a church that claims to practice grace. NOT ever. Also, translation of that is discrimination. Because one of the activities was declared as off limits to restriction if it is open to all people even nonmembers. And that is the small group or LIFE group. They flat out targeted the autism with that one. And even though the therapist said I was ready, they still refused. That is the thing that caused a conflict - the therapist said they were paying her but refusing to take any of her suggestions. Yes, I had a conflict with two people. One of which just absolutely finds me antagonistic (which is actually quite funny because she finds compliments to be antagonistic, and from what I have been told repeatedly, I am too sweet or too kind). She found me antagonistic if I said anything, if I didn't say anything, if I smiled, if I frowned, it just didn't matter, she found me antagonistic. Other than that, I actually did great with it. Surely they could find alternatives or let me just go with a friend so I can just learn. Excluding me will never teach me anything though. 6. Absolutely got hounded by people who wanted me back on kiosk. And like most things, I did great with it when teamed up with other people. Instead of excluding me, they should just add to those things they deem as restricted. 7. Wording. The way the thing is worded is offensive. Period. Instead of "restricted," they could say that these activities are ones that we know that Susan can do her best with when she is on a team or with a buddy. 8. I don't initiate phone calls. Not unless it's an emergency or I need something (appointment, application, etc.). Come to think of it, most of us on the spectrum do not initiate phone calls. So as far as that one goes, a simple modification allowing one e-mail per week would be better and reasonable. 9. Tom Patton. Ah! The biggest clincher at this point. He and I would have to go through biblical conflict resolution and restoration, including Facebook (more for logistical reasons than anything now). Yep. 10. Mikki O'Neil. She's great as far as being a resource should conflict arise, if she can be found. And that is great to have resources. They also need an autism expert as a resource or an advocate as a resource. But she shifted to one on one Bible study with me and I felt it inappropriate because there was tension with her (as of yet to be resolved on my end though I would love to resolve it), but the shift created a conflict of interest for me. If they want me to do such a study like that, they really would be wisest to choose another female for me to that with. I essentially did bring these issues up many times. But they ignored me. They said sign it, them we'll address the issues. No sir. I cannot. It is not ironclad and it is full of missing information. If anyone anywhere handed me something like that to sign, I would do the same thing until it was corrected. My requests are not unreasonable. But they accuse me of trying to negotiate and claim it is non-negotiable. Baloney sandwiches. The ONLY thing in this world that is non-negotiable is the Bible! And according to that Bible, Tom should have talked with me and aimed for restoration and sought peace with me. Those two things are also two of many marks of a true Christian which would mean that since Tom refuses to seek peace and restoration with me that he cannot be a true Christian which would then me that he cannot be a pastor, an elder, or a deacon either. Also, church discipline. Well, the expectation from both the church membership vows and the document is that if I was truly out of bounds then they were supposed to engage in church discipline, but they didn't. And that is non-negotiable according to the Bible. According to what. Tom taught in theology, the discipline process can be very redemptive. Yeah, it can, but what it brings to mind is why would they refuse to do that with me? Discrimination. Abuse. Bullying. Hatred. Disobedience to God. That's got to be it. They want to twist the Bible to suit themselves. Surely that's it. And in their twisted Bible, everyone who has autism, including and especially me, doesn't deserve grace or to go to Heaven. Sure. That must be the reason. After all, for six months I tried to explain to Tom that they kept punishing me for having autism, and he kept brushing it off. He knew about the abuse yet he let it happen! Oh and Mark Guzzo only likes to destroy any relationship I have with any pastor because he is a jealous person who also bullied me because of the autism. Guess what? God also says whatever you do to any of the least of these, you also do it Me. Jesus got abused and bullied and excluded at Oak Mountain right along with me. And it really isn't right. Look, I don't know if this post will help or not, but maybe it will because if the right person sees it they can go back to the right people about it. But in all fairness and honesty, I have only ever asked that they make the corrections listed above to their document. That is all they have to do for me to sign it. That is all they ever had to do. And no, it cannot be sign it then we'll make the corrections. It has to be that they make the corrections and that I see they made the corrections for me to sign it. Sheesh! Even the government wouldn't force someone to sign something if the person finds fault with it and points it out. They would make the corrections necessary and them re-present it for a signature. A bank, a car dealership, a realtor, a library, a doctor, etc. ALL do just that. I am not trying to negotiate. I am trying to help them make things ironclad and not have room for any error or misinterpretation. But that is where and why I feel that every church leader should be required to attend lectures on autism and other special needs before being allowed to go I to that position. Because if they were, there would be less people getting abused and bullied like me and everyone that the same church abused and bullied before me. And if they truly believe in grace, they would take my suggestions seriously and honor them. As it stands now, there would be no time to with do any complaints. And maybe that is meant to be. If the presbytery does do something, then hopefully things can finally be resolved at that point. Well, either resolved or all the parties could face discipline. But this post is my own outreach of grace. Because they truly get one more chance to make it right. So God, I now got this off my chest. Please do what You know needs to be done. I know Tom could lose his job because of the whole mess though. But the basis of the complaint was the fact that he knew what the others were doing was wrong yet he did nothing to help or to fix it or to stop it which makes him just as guilty of doing what he acknowledged was wrong. And that cannot be overlooked. And I either need closure or resolution. So God, you want me to trade my worries for Your peace? Here you go. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I Wish I Was Normal!

It's sad when a church causes someone to feel so hurt that they would speak those words. It's the biggest insult to God.

But sadly, the document they have me was deemed as abusive, discriminating, and bullying.

So now what? I can't stay because I'll be excluded. But I don't want to lose my friends.

I'm not safe where I am now. I never will be until they start practicing Matthew 25.

What they did is wrong. They hurt me and hurt my relationships because of that one document.

"Flagrant disregard for the peace and purity of the church." Because I consulted experts to try to protect everyone from implications caused by the document. But yet they did the same thing to me spreading word about me against me.

I'm being excluded because I have autism.

I'm afraid. Afraid to lose my friends but more afraid to stay. Staying means excluded. Going means I lose my friends.

I'm confused. And I'm hurt.

Dear God, I'm sorry You made me the way You did. I wish I was normal. Because maybe then I wouldn't be excluded. I'm sorry for insulting You. Please forgive me. Amen.