He Is a God Who Heals

Matthew 7:7 - "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."

II Corinthians 12:7-9 - So to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a third was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

James 4:2 - You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.

Dear God, please heal me today from this month and a half long deep seated ear canal, ear drum, Eustachian tube infection and the cold I have managed to catch. I have a special event to attend Saturday evening and so not want to disappoint anyone by being under the weather. Also, God, if it is Your will, please bring Tom and I to reconciliation. You heal and mend all kinds of brokenness. And it is never too late for Your healing power. Thank You God for healing. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I Am Your Shepherd

Psalm 23:1-6 - A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Luke 1:37 - For nothing will be impossible with God.

Ephesians 3:20-21 - Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Dear God, You are the only good and true shepherd. Tom used being a shepherd as an excuse to hurt me. He did not act like a shepherd in that moment. He knew I was hurting, yet instead of taking care of the hurt sheep, he inflicted further damage. A good and true shepherd will also abandon the entire flock to go after the one that is lost knowing that when he brings that ONE back to the flock that all of heaven will rejoice more over that one than all the others who were never lost. God, I want to do the right thing and seek peace and restoration in this, but I need You to stir him. I need You to stir them. I need You to awaken their hearts and minds to the reality that their approach is not helpful to anyone and lacks the grace they so love to preach about all the time. But today, most of all, I need You to stir in my mom to move her to the point emotionally where she can be more proactive about getting a new job. And today, I also need Your healing touch. My throat pain has gotten even worse. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Be Bold!

Isaiah 41:11-13 - Behold, all who are incensed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; those who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish. You shall seek those who contend with you, but you shall not find them; those who war against you shall be as nothing at all. For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you." 

Isaiah 41:13 (ICB) - I am the Lord your God. I am holding your right hand. And I tell you, "Don't be afraid. I will help you."

Hebrews 12:1-2 - Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Dear God, You said You would be right there with me no matter what comes my way. In these passages I see that You will in fact somehow work things out, though maybe not the way anyone expects, with regard to Tom Patton and those other bullies from his church (Gordon, Mark, Mikki, and Ken). I know that it means the presbytery has to decide on its approach to things as well, but if You already know how to handle the situation, then I will have to put aside my worry and my fear like You ask of me and trust that they have wisdom enough to pull a committee together to help with the resolution no matter what the resolution may look like in the end. Ultimately, my heart desires to show the grace that I was taught about, though never given by them at that church because true grace wouldn't exclude people from any aspect of any activity of the church as long as the activity is age-appropriate and gender-appropriate and true grace especially would never grab onto a person's diagnosis of autism and use it as an excuse to exclude the person - that's outright discrimination anyway. But alas, grace prevails and I want to give them one more chance, it just cannot be under their terms and conditions the way they want to insist. It is I, who is in control, well, technically You are in control, but You put the reins in my hand in how to best approach things now. And You are asking me to keep my eyes on the prize the whole way through. The prize in this particular case is full restoration with Tom (including Facebook, which he had no justification to violate his compromise or promises regarding) and resolution and restoration with his church where my TRUE friends really are because the fact is that my TRUE friends loved me before my diagnosis and still love me and still have not found justification for the church leadership to abuse and bully and mistreat and exclude me the way it has. Lord, give me strength facing the next few days between now and when the presbytery meets. Give me strength for whatever decision they make and wisdom to know what to do from that point. May it be a favorable decision though that moves forward into a conflict resolution process since that is the very thing You command us to do to start with (II Corinthians 13:11 and Romans 12:9-21). Oh, and God, I have three more requests if that is okay? 1. For the letter to make the appointment regarding the exact amount of assistance to come soon (attorney's letter said within 30-45 days). You brought me through a long and strenuous process. 2. Physical healing. My throat feels really sore and achy, considerably more so than yesterday. 3. Mom to get out of her funk and start the process of looking for a new job rather than just sitting at home complaining about having to save every penny we can because we have less money now and have all the bills coming in that have to be taken care of. It sucks that she got fired over a misunderstanding and that the supervisor was not more clear about her instructions or the question posed to her more clear because of definitions that even I would have probably said the same thing. No she did not take files home, but she took folders home that would be able to make files. She was handed the things at the very last minute as the supervisors were rushing them out the door because of the weather that was already deteriorating. A folder is not a file until there is a label on it and information in it. They should have been more specific about their question. She did not lie. She answered the question honestly based on her understanding of it. And as honest as I am (brutally honest), I would have answered the same way. Because the difference in meaning is very sharp. Now God, I have a thank You, and although some people might disagree, I know that it is within Your will because ultimately, it is You who appoints all authority under heaven, but thank You for the Affordable Care Act. It may be confusing as heck right now, but it is a good and a right step forward in this country. It removes illegal discrimination by insurance companies which now lets the people who most need insurance the insurance and the key to access the same affordable care that others have enjoyed for so long (the Americans with Disabilities Act says that covered individuals have that right, but when an insurance company is allowed to charge them more or deny them or drop them, they are acting in violation of that law). Some people will find every reason they can to complain: they don't like the president because he is of a different color, they don't like him because he is so progressive thinking, they don't like him because he's "socialist" or "communist" (oh, please, if he is socialist by the way they describe him because he wants to help the poor and the sick rather than the rich and the healthy, then he is doing what Jesus would do and says everyone is to do according to Matthew 25:31-46 and a whole lot better than Tom's church which failed to exercise grace with me and excluded me because I have autism; and if he was a communist, then the people running around bad-mouthing him or the laws being made right now would be in jail; and if he was a dictator, they would be beheaded). They have even assumed that the president is a Muslim (he has said repeatedly that he is not and why would his religion matter anyway since Kennedy was a Catholic). In Romans 13:1-7, You are clear what the Christian duty to government is. Throughout both the Old and New Testaments, I read about how the government takes care of the needs of the people. To hear Christians in particular bad-mouthing the president, the ACA, and oh yeah, taxes (I will never see a penny of my tax dollars because people are getting assistance and they are all just lazy moochers (yeah, great, so the veteran who served this country for you to be an ungrateful pig is lazy, and the elderly who worked all their lives and earned their retirement is just lazy, and the disabled person who can no longer work and can barely function outside the home is just lazy, and the hard working mom made single by war or some other circumstance is just lazy, or the couple who has one working and the other serving as a caregiver to the children who have disabilities is just lazy), or the church should be taking care of these people not the government (by the way, those people need not leave their houses anymore because tax dollars are used for the roads, the schools, the police and fire departments as well as social programs designed to help people whom are often even referred to them by churches!)), but to hear so-called Christians spewing these things makes me angry. Oh, God, give me the courage and the strength to not back down where not backing down is required and the wisdom to know when backing down is necessary. Give me the grace to be able to show to those who may not even deserve it (Tom and his church), so that if nothing else, they see You and not me shining through. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I Am Healing

Even though I still have some physical struggles and even though I have to constantly deal with the challenges of autism and ADHD, I wanted to share my thoughts. I am healing in ways that most people cannot fathom or understand.

I am healing.

I have immune deficiency. 

I wait for the day we can move forward into a life of infusions.

I am healing. I no longer NEED my ADHD medicine and it is now completely out of my system.

I am less fidgety, except when nervous or tired and then I cannot control my need to fidget anyway.

I have autism. 

But I am different, not less.

Treat me like you want to be treated.

Respect me like you want to be respected.

Give me my dignity. 

Help me to bring out my verbal communication.

Do you see how I am gifted in puppets and painting and music and writing? Use my gifts to help me communicate, to help me feel useful, to help me be me.

I have a mom.

She is persistent and relentless.

Don't hurt her baby. 

She might become a mama bear.

Grrrrowl!

I have a friend.

He was a pastor to me.

But now he's just my friend.

He's still a pastor for others though.

He is also like a second (and better) human dad.

He has a special connection with me that I cannot explain.

But it is good and it is necessary and God let it happen.

He believes in me even when I struggle to believe in myself.

He believes in me even when others might not.

He is compassionate and God gave him a big heart.

Because of me and his connection with me, he is now better prepared for a future in which the world has to hurry and start adapting in order to not just be aware of autism, but to embrace those of us who have autism so we can feel loved and accepted, so we can belong, so we can fit in, so we can function as a part of society. 

My friend will be part of the revolution in churches that will spearhead the adaptation of this world. 

My friend is special.

My friend is brave and courageous. He has to be in order to be my friend.

He is consistent and gracious. 

He is loving and tenderhearted.

He is my friend.

I have another friend.

She can seem kind of quirky. Then again, so can I!

She is an artist. Just like me!

She has an easy spirit. Just like me!

She has lots of love. Just like me!

Once you get deeper with her, you get a true friend with a loving heart that is so big that there's no way to escape the love.

I am learning to know God and to see God. 

My friends help a lot with that.

I don't get God in the books. 

I don't see God in the books or in church.

I hear about God at church.

I read about God in the books.

But I feel God. 

God is in the nice, cool breeze on a hot summer day.

God is in the light, refreshing rain after a long, hot week. 

God is in the babbling creek that you get your toes wet during a hot day at the park.

God whispers through creation.

I'm different, so I sense God differently.

See that beautiful rose, so delicate and frail? That's God!

Hear that tiny kitten mewing? That's God!

See a community rise up together after a disaster? That's God!

Feel loved by friends and family? Even that's God!

I was hurt really bad.

By someone who was supposed to be a dad.

By some people who called themselves friends.

By people who said they cared.

Some of them are no longer in my life. 

Others are reunited and also went through their own struggles.

Even though I am different, I am also the same.

We all struggle.

We all need to feel loved and accepted.

We all need to heal.

I am healing.

I am brave.

I am a friend.

I am a child.

I am an adult.

I am a person.

I am God's creation.

I am me!

I am gifted.

I am talented.

I am smart.

I am beautiful in spirit.

I am fun.

I am funny in my own way.

I am creative.

I am blessed.

I am loved.

I am valuable.

I am growing.

I am able in my own ways and sometimes with help.

I am healing.

An Easter Prayer

Dear God,

I was reading tonight in Jesus Calling A Bible Storybook about Jesus dying on a cross for my sins and coming back to life again. Honestly, I am somewhat baffled by everything. Why did You punish Your Son for what I would do?

I also read that if I put my trust in You and believe You that I would be saved for eternity. Sometimes I don't know if I am or am not.

My friend Tom, he is a good mirror of You. He said he's a weak example, but he is the main one I have right now. But God, if Tom is a mirror of You, then how much greater can You be?

God, I ask You to forgive me of my sins. For I know I am a sinner. I may not always openly act out, but I know I do sin, even in my heart. So I ask for Your forgiveness of my sins. I thank You for sending Jesus to die for me on the cross so I won't have to face eternity separated from You. I ask You to give me strength and mercy. I ask You to help me to trust You and to grow my faith in You. I thank You for the example Tom has been so far and will likely continue to be as You grow our friendship in the way that is not only appropriate but also the healthiest. Help us to both be open to each other and to listen with our hearts. I ask for complete healing of the corneal inflammation my right eye and complete restoration of total vision. I ask for Your provisions for my family - financially, physically, spiritually, emotionally, socially. Tom said that You created me the way You did for a purpose. So thank You for creating me with autism and ADHD and everything else I have. Help me to always remember that these things don't define who I am, but why I am the way I am. And for what's it's worth, I guess they don't do that, You do. Thank You for grace that does give many many chances and doesn't expect absolute perfection this side of Heaven. And please help churches understand people like me with autism so they can better minister to and with us and help us use our gifts to serve You. Thank You again for my friendship with Tom. Give him peace and rest as his daughter's wedding takes place soon. Help Tom be safe when he globe trots. Please let us have another in person quality time soon enough, if not before he globe trots then after. Help prepare my heart for the separation there will be when he's around the globe so I don't miss him too much. Thank You for being in my heart and please help me to learn to follow Your lead for me and my life-job, medical, church, social skills, friends, etc. I'm sorry for having too many words. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Oh Dear, Here We Go Again

So I think we can definitely confirm one thing: when I am sick, I am cranky. Tom would probably agree with me on this, but I can be downright meaner than a skunk. But sure enough, I'm down for the count. I tried to get back into things too soon after being down this weekend.

Smily Susan=happy, bubbly, joyful, cheery, loving, encouraging. Sick Susan=cranky, mean, biting, discouraging.

I can only hope that Tom and I can still be friends. I really miss him though! But I need prayers.

Tomorrow afternoon I see the ENT. In two weeks, I see the oncologist. And this time we may be ordering the bone marrow biopsy.

Pray for my health and for the family finances. Pray for my friendships (Tom especially) and my friends. Pray for peace and rest and comfort. But I ask you not to pray specifically for healing because God might not want to heal me physically. And I have to accept that. But if God does heal me, we'll all have something to be praising Him for indeed!

Heaven's Door Film Review

The film is a bit of a tearjerker. Probably did not help though that I am wrestling right now because of a friend and worried that we will not be able to make things work as friends because everything has fallen apart so quickly-the boundaries, he never seems to have any time any more, we have not seen each other in a long time; how can we make it work? But this little girl has discovered that she has a gift. Riley can heal people just by touching them. But she only heals those who she is supposed to heal. She sees an angel. She thinks it is her grandpa who died. She shows her family what she experienced when she fell out of the tree but tells them that if she helps anyone there will be consequences. Unfortunately, there is a news woman who seems very adamant about getting a story about Riley and her gift. Riley's mom and dad reunite because of Riley. Riley takes every illness from people she heals. Riley's last act is a friend who is in the hospital being treated for cancer. The little girl tells Riley's parents that she knew she was supposed to go and that there were angels around Riley. A blind man also tells Riley's parents to believe. Just as Riley is declared dead, she awakens to the pleasant surprise of her parents. Riley learns though that her grandpa had nothing to do with her being saved from her fall. And her grandma realizes a new baby is coming. Riley's angel was the baby before he was born.

Essentially, this film is about renewed faith, renewed hope, and restored relationships. It is certainly what some may call a story of redemption. I would love to have enough faith to believe that the friendship will survive, but I struggle with this so much.

Dear God, please help me believe. Please renew my faith and trust. And please help my friendship with Tom survive if it's really Your will that he and I be friends. And if it's not, then help me to survive as Tom is the first real friend that I have had and the first person who truly cared enough to take the time to learn about how You created me and how it makes me different yet didn't let it get in the way of pursuing friendship with me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

The Church as Compared to the Human Body

As long as there are imperfect human beings because of the fall, the church as a body will be as broken as the human body. But when you break your arm or your foot, you don't treat it as though it were not part of your body. You doctor it and baby it. You treat it with tender love and affection. Eventually it heals and you go through therapy to strengthen it. When members of the body hurt and are wounded, you don't ignore them and throw them out with yesterday's bath water. You help them, you teach them, you work with them, you grow them, you shape them. You don't cut them off. I Corinthians 12 talks about the body. Casting Crowns even has a song called "We Are the Body." The body is broken but that is the beauty of it! Because all the broken pieces come together and work with what each has to offer and it eventually heals each other over time until the day comes that everything about the body can be made whole again.