Sunday, April 6, 2014

I Never Left

Genesis 28:15 - Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.

Romans 8:31 - What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Hebrews 13:8 - Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. 

Dear God, I want to be loved. It is just so hard for me. Every time someone says they are my friend and that they love me and that they always will love me, they turn around and hurt me, like Tom. He didn't even give me closure. He just broke his promises and his compromise. I kept my end of the compromise and he broke it. That level of hurt that he caused is almost impossible to get past, especially when the right thing to do is to seek restoration. His failure to do so means he does not love You the way he claims to, that he lied to me, and that he is not a Christian since one of the marks of a true believer as You have named in scripture is the willingness to seek restoration and aim for peace with another believer. If he is a true believer, then You need to work on softening his heart and bring about the conversation God. He was not just a friend, but he was a father figure and that kind of a friend is not one that can just do what he did without there being lasting consequences. And it is not one that can be forgotten or let go of. It is one that has to be fought for and restored. If it is not restored, I could be lost forever as I give up on trying altogether because of fear that I will just be hurt again because of the bullies who pushed him to abuse me like he did when he violated his end of the compromise. God, I want to seek peace and aim for restoration. I want the biblical conflict resolution process to begin with him. But You need to move in a big way. Please. Before I give up on You too for fear that You will ultimately reject me altogether too. It hurts knowing that they abused me and bullied me just because they learned that I have autism. It really does. It hurts that rather than listen to me or work with me or include me or even to work on conflict resolution that they chose instead to abuse me. Their actions and Tom's actions lack the grace that they claim to cling to and that they talk so much about. And their excuse? Because if have autism and to them that makes me less deserving of grace somehow which is simply not true. If anything, the autism means I need more grace. God, please move. Please bring a conversation with Tom at least. Please bring closure if nothing else. Please God. Thank You for loving me even when I pull away and fight against You because of my fear. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

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