An Easter Prayer

Dear God,

I was reading tonight in Jesus Calling A Bible Storybook about Jesus dying on a cross for my sins and coming back to life again. Honestly, I am somewhat baffled by everything. Why did You punish Your Son for what I would do?

I also read that if I put my trust in You and believe You that I would be saved for eternity. Sometimes I don't know if I am or am not.

My friend Tom, he is a good mirror of You. He said he's a weak example, but he is the main one I have right now. But God, if Tom is a mirror of You, then how much greater can You be?

God, I ask You to forgive me of my sins. For I know I am a sinner. I may not always openly act out, but I know I do sin, even in my heart. So I ask for Your forgiveness of my sins. I thank You for sending Jesus to die for me on the cross so I won't have to face eternity separated from You. I ask You to give me strength and mercy. I ask You to help me to trust You and to grow my faith in You. I thank You for the example Tom has been so far and will likely continue to be as You grow our friendship in the way that is not only appropriate but also the healthiest. Help us to both be open to each other and to listen with our hearts. I ask for complete healing of the corneal inflammation my right eye and complete restoration of total vision. I ask for Your provisions for my family - financially, physically, spiritually, emotionally, socially. Tom said that You created me the way You did for a purpose. So thank You for creating me with autism and ADHD and everything else I have. Help me to always remember that these things don't define who I am, but why I am the way I am. And for what's it's worth, I guess they don't do that, You do. Thank You for grace that does give many many chances and doesn't expect absolute perfection this side of Heaven. And please help churches understand people like me with autism so they can better minister to and with us and help us use our gifts to serve You. Thank You again for my friendship with Tom. Give him peace and rest as his daughter's wedding takes place soon. Help Tom be safe when he globe trots. Please let us have another in person quality time soon enough, if not before he globe trots then after. Help prepare my heart for the separation there will be when he's around the globe so I don't miss him too much. Thank You for being in my heart and please help me to learn to follow Your lead for me and my life-job, medical, church, social skills, friends, etc. I'm sorry for having too many words. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Practicing the Waltz in the Midst of Brokenness, Or Trying Not to Fall Apart Under the Pressure of the Fight

The saying goes, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." Problem. Although good in theory, is there really a person out there who is really all that tough? Are we not all sort of wimpy under pressure? I know I am. And that is just being openly honest.

There's a practice at my church. I don't mean like choir or drama or anything like that. I mean a practice for the Christian life. Wait a minute, you say. Don't all churches have one? I'm sure they do in their own ways, but my church has a "waltz." It's a three-step that we should all be involved in. Repent, believe, fight.

Sometimes I get stuck in one step and I just sort of sway. Sometimes I go from one to another and do a sort of two-step sashay. Shuffle ball change. This is where I find myself needing to remember the reason for the fight after repenting. And that's believing.

Admittedly, it's hard to not fall apart right now. My toes have been stepped on by my teacher. I'm sure he did not really mean to, but mistakes happen. Sometimes those mistakes inflict deep wounds, but this is where I find myself needing to repent and fight. Repent of some actions that may have contributed to him stepping on my toes and fight for restoration and healing. Believe. I've been in some in-depth discussions this week as I deal with some hard-core recovery and I have been reminded to believe. Believe that the one who saved me will bring things together and restore us. It's going to be a long, hard process and in the middle of it, he and I both will have to face many challenges, but we both have to put Christ at the center and perhaps do a little square-dance or Irish step dance along the way.

Life is not easy. Never has been. Never will be. Thank you Adam and Eve. But you know what? If life were easy, it might get boring. Live. Love. Learn. Repent. Believe. Fight. Keep waltzing.