In the Middle of the Mess

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." - James 1:2-3

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable a his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!" - Romans 11:33

"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me."  - John 15:4

Dear God, 

I can find joy in the middle of my toughest times. Nothing is impossible with You! You are with me. You are working in my life. You can bring good out of evil. You can outsmart the devil and anything this world throws at me. I can find joy through prayer. Help me to remember that You are with me always no matter what happens and that You will continue to provide care to the most vulnerable people despite of what the republicans try to do to harm them.

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

I Have to Play Catch Up Now I'm Better

Tomorrow will be my catch up post. Being sick is rough! Sinus infection. Severe. Mom said she nearly fainted when they told her how much the medicine was. I said, "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you it was the expensive medicine and we haven't met the medicine deductible yet!" Oops!! Nearly $200 for 10 pills. And I can't start them until the morning because I need to sleep! The ENT sprayed stuff in my nose and it is helping me feel better already. Smily is back!

By the way, praise God for small miracles and forgiving friends like Tom. Seriously, if I could take him with me everywhere I would! Today I transitioned again. And now I got a book to help me with that transition. My mom got it at her parent group during my social group.

Have to get dog vaccinated. Sadly late due to cost. But definitely have to do it because later this year I have to board my deaf dog and cat with megacolon so I can do a weekend camp/retreat for special needs.

Definitely planning on selling art and maybe looking at doing puppet shows on donations so I can raise money for churches and other organizations to help them establish special needs ministries for adults, particularly adults with autism like me. As soon as I finish piece number two, it will go on semi-public display and anyone who sees it can make an offer on it.

I am feeling God moving me right now. I just don't have all the specific information. I think I'm starting to understand what missionaries go through!

Keep my family in prayers. Keep my friends, especially Tom in prayers. Keep praying for the little boy in south Alabama an for my family and friends who live and work down there.

Oh Dear, Here We Go Again

So I think we can definitely confirm one thing: when I am sick, I am cranky. Tom would probably agree with me on this, but I can be downright meaner than a skunk. But sure enough, I'm down for the count. I tried to get back into things too soon after being down this weekend.

Smily Susan=happy, bubbly, joyful, cheery, loving, encouraging. Sick Susan=cranky, mean, biting, discouraging.

I can only hope that Tom and I can still be friends. I really miss him though! But I need prayers.

Tomorrow afternoon I see the ENT. In two weeks, I see the oncologist. And this time we may be ordering the bone marrow biopsy.

Pray for my health and for the family finances. Pray for my friendships (Tom especially) and my friends. Pray for peace and rest and comfort. But I ask you not to pray specifically for healing because God might not want to heal me physically. And I have to accept that. But if God does heal me, we'll all have something to be praising Him for indeed!

Days 27 and 28

Dear God, teach me how to trust You and help me learn to trust that You are always with me. People, not even Tom, cannot promise that they will always be there because people, even Tom, will sometimes fail and disappoint. Lead me where I need to be right now. And if it is Your plan that Tom be my friend, fortify that and help us find time to be friends. Help him. And help me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Question: Why do we close prayers with "in Jesus' name" and "amen?" Why do we close our eyes, bow our heads and fold our hands? And how is it that I am exactly like Tom? Not that that's a bad thing for he is pretty good at modeling You God, but I am curious!!

Days 23 and 24

It's okay to be human. Even if you momentarily think about God and say a simple thank you to Him, it is still worship.

Expect trouble in the world. God's peace is powerful. God already overcame the troubles of the world.

Deuteronomy 31:6-"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Dear God, Thank You. Thank You for still being there even when I can't "feel" You there. And thank You. Thank You for my friend Tom. And for my other friends. And thank You that I have permission to just be me-who You created me to be and how You created me. Thank You. And please heal my mom so she can go back to work so we can pay the bills. The dog is late getting in for her annual, the medical bills are high and continue to pile up as we have to reach the deductible again, utilities, car insurance, home warranty, and we still need an iPad for therapy and a way to pay for my autism therapy. As well as food and gas. I am in the wait on many fronts. I worry about Tom too. Protect our friendship while we are in a period of time where time doesn't permit us to see each other in person right now even though we live somewhat close. Help me not forget that he will also still be there and that he really is just a phone call away if I really need him just like You're only a prayer away (even if I haven't quite mastered hearing You yet). Help me still think positive about him. And me. God, I'm scared. Help me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Thank You God

Thank You God for an answered prayer tonight. And for redeeming the relationship.

I was reading Ephesians 4:26. Thinking, well, the sun already went down, now what? Guess I have to wait until tomorrow.

Phone call.

I had entered prayer that my friend could forgive me for being so demanding today. For being, well, mean.

And that's part of what the call was.

My heart rests easier now though because he reassured me what I already knew. I defended him well. No one tries to judge my friends without knowing them personally.

Ah. Turns out I am so much like he is. How we manage to get along, I will never fully understand, but I am not complaining. As long as I know he's there and that he isn't going to give up on me, that's all that matters.

Turns out he really is a pretty good human model of what God is like. I know, God must be a thousand times better them because God is God and my friend is only human. Humans mess up. A lot. I know I sure do. And not just because I have autism, although that may make things exceptionally magnified?!?

But see, today something else happened. I was frustrated with my friend because I felt neglected. Several reasons. But I didn't throw his slips from the jar into a bag like I did Sunday because of some relatively harsh words. I kept them in there because I had hope today that somehow God would redeem the situation of today.

Funny. I guess in some ways I did exactly what my day 10 devotional said to do: trust God even when it isn't easy. So my little teeny tiny trust in God was returned a thousandfold by an answered prayer? By a redeemed relationship? Okay, God. What's the next challenge You can get me through? My trust just grew another size.