Tuesday, January 29, 2013

With a Broken Heart

Why is that always seems that I'm the only one who ever cares? In friendship, it seems I'm the only one who cares to make it work. The other person seems to care less, and then the friendship fails. In church, it seems like I'm the only one who understands that special needs children AND adults are just important as anyone else? God gifted them the same and intended them to serve Him just the same. Yet some churches just don't seem to get that and work ever so much harder to exclude those with special needs essentially pushing them away from church and worse, away from God. Oh dear Tom, you seem to always think I'm being "demanding," but did you ever stop to think that maybe for once it really isn't me who is being demanding but maybe rather that you're just probably not really understanding me? I have tried. But apparently I have failed. But you'd be crazy to let me push you away so easily just because we disagree. However, here's where we have a problem: I asked for boundaries which you didn't want to set then when I tried to insist on adhering so rigidly to the boundary you did set, you said you didn't mean it literally. But you forgot you are dealing with a literal thinker, thanks to the autism. So when you called me demanding-after two days of no responses whatsoever and by virtue of the FIRST boundary today is MY day, it devalued me as a person with feelings. We both need to repent and regroup and talk with each other. And we both need to re-establish with each other what our expectations are. But in the meantime, I mourn the potential loss of my FIRST and ONLY REAL friend. I am sad. I hope we're still friends, but I don't know anymore until and unless you call me again. But sadly, it now shapes up to the only time I have left this week is Friday. I am at a loss on the jar project until then.

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