I Have to Play Catch Up Now I'm Better

Tomorrow will be my catch up post. Being sick is rough! Sinus infection. Severe. Mom said she nearly fainted when they told her how much the medicine was. I said, "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you it was the expensive medicine and we haven't met the medicine deductible yet!" Oops!! Nearly $200 for 10 pills. And I can't start them until the morning because I need to sleep! The ENT sprayed stuff in my nose and it is helping me feel better already. Smily is back!

By the way, praise God for small miracles and forgiving friends like Tom. Seriously, if I could take him with me everywhere I would! Today I transitioned again. And now I got a book to help me with that transition. My mom got it at her parent group during my social group.

Have to get dog vaccinated. Sadly late due to cost. But definitely have to do it because later this year I have to board my deaf dog and cat with megacolon so I can do a weekend camp/retreat for special needs.

Definitely planning on selling art and maybe looking at doing puppet shows on donations so I can raise money for churches and other organizations to help them establish special needs ministries for adults, particularly adults with autism like me. As soon as I finish piece number two, it will go on semi-public display and anyone who sees it can make an offer on it.

I am feeling God moving me right now. I just don't have all the specific information. I think I'm starting to understand what missionaries go through!

Keep my family in prayers. Keep my friends, especially Tom in prayers. Keep praying for the little boy in south Alabama an for my family and friends who live and work down there.

Oh Dear, Here We Go Again

So I think we can definitely confirm one thing: when I am sick, I am cranky. Tom would probably agree with me on this, but I can be downright meaner than a skunk. But sure enough, I'm down for the count. I tried to get back into things too soon after being down this weekend.

Smily Susan=happy, bubbly, joyful, cheery, loving, encouraging. Sick Susan=cranky, mean, biting, discouraging.

I can only hope that Tom and I can still be friends. I really miss him though! But I need prayers.

Tomorrow afternoon I see the ENT. In two weeks, I see the oncologist. And this time we may be ordering the bone marrow biopsy.

Pray for my health and for the family finances. Pray for my friendships (Tom especially) and my friends. Pray for peace and rest and comfort. But I ask you not to pray specifically for healing because God might not want to heal me physically. And I have to accept that. But if God does heal me, we'll all have something to be praising Him for indeed!

With a Broken Heart

Why is that always seems that I'm the only one who ever cares? In friendship, it seems I'm the only one who cares to make it work. The other person seems to care less, and then the friendship fails. In church, it seems like I'm the only one who understands that special needs children AND adults are just important as anyone else? God gifted them the same and intended them to serve Him just the same. Yet some churches just don't seem to get that and work ever so much harder to exclude those with special needs essentially pushing them away from church and worse, away from God. Oh dear Tom, you seem to always think I'm being "demanding," but did you ever stop to think that maybe for once it really isn't me who is being demanding but maybe rather that you're just probably not really understanding me? I have tried. But apparently I have failed. But you'd be crazy to let me push you away so easily just because we disagree. However, here's where we have a problem: I asked for boundaries which you didn't want to set then when I tried to insist on adhering so rigidly to the boundary you did set, you said you didn't mean it literally. But you forgot you are dealing with a literal thinker, thanks to the autism. So when you called me demanding-after two days of no responses whatsoever and by virtue of the FIRST boundary today is MY day, it devalued me as a person with feelings. We both need to repent and regroup and talk with each other. And we both need to re-establish with each other what our expectations are. But in the meantime, I mourn the potential loss of my FIRST and ONLY REAL friend. I am sad. I hope we're still friends, but I don't know anymore until and unless you call me again. But sadly, it now shapes up to the only time I have left this week is Friday. I am at a loss on the jar project until then.

Days 27 and 28

Dear God, teach me how to trust You and help me learn to trust that You are always with me. People, not even Tom, cannot promise that they will always be there because people, even Tom, will sometimes fail and disappoint. Lead me where I need to be right now. And if it is Your plan that Tom be my friend, fortify that and help us find time to be friends. Help him. And help me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Question: Why do we close prayers with "in Jesus' name" and "amen?" Why do we close our eyes, bow our heads and fold our hands? And how is it that I am exactly like Tom? Not that that's a bad thing for he is pretty good at modeling You God, but I am curious!!

Upcoming Christian Music Events

If you love Christian music, this is an awesome year to live in Birmingham. I'm sure there are more, but here's a brief lineup:

March 17, BJCC, $10/door (they could always use volunteers):
TobyMac (YAY!) (from DCTalk fame)
Jamie Grace (YAY!)
Newsong
Jason Castro
Sidewalk Prophets
Capital Kings
Red
OBB
Royal Tailor
Matthew West

April 12-13, StadiumFest, FREE, Spain Park (another great volunteer opportunity):
Jamie Grace (again!)
Rhett Walker
Switchfoot
Britt Nicole
Building 429
Crowder (yep, from David Crowder band)
Newsboys

Can it get any better short of Jesus coming back??

Days 25 and 26

Sit quietly with God basking in His presence as He changes you from the inside out.

Expect trouble in the world and trust God even when things seem darkest.

Trust is HARD. But trust is GOOD.

Answered prayer in redemptive friendship even in the midst of being struck ill. Still smiling (now that it doesn't hurt to smile) even though I do not feel well).

Heaven's Door Film Review

The film is a bit of a tearjerker. Probably did not help though that I am wrestling right now because of a friend and worried that we will not be able to make things work as friends because everything has fallen apart so quickly-the boundaries, he never seems to have any time any more, we have not seen each other in a long time; how can we make it work? But this little girl has discovered that she has a gift. Riley can heal people just by touching them. But she only heals those who she is supposed to heal. She sees an angel. She thinks it is her grandpa who died. She shows her family what she experienced when she fell out of the tree but tells them that if she helps anyone there will be consequences. Unfortunately, there is a news woman who seems very adamant about getting a story about Riley and her gift. Riley's mom and dad reunite because of Riley. Riley takes every illness from people she heals. Riley's last act is a friend who is in the hospital being treated for cancer. The little girl tells Riley's parents that she knew she was supposed to go and that there were angels around Riley. A blind man also tells Riley's parents to believe. Just as Riley is declared dead, she awakens to the pleasant surprise of her parents. Riley learns though that her grandpa had nothing to do with her being saved from her fall. And her grandma realizes a new baby is coming. Riley's angel was the baby before he was born.

Essentially, this film is about renewed faith, renewed hope, and restored relationships. It is certainly what some may call a story of redemption. I would love to have enough faith to believe that the friendship will survive, but I struggle with this so much.

Dear God, please help me believe. Please renew my faith and trust. And please help my friendship with Tom survive if it's really Your will that he and I be friends. And if it's not, then help me to survive as Tom is the first real friend that I have had and the first person who truly cared enough to take the time to learn about how You created me and how it makes me different yet didn't let it get in the way of pursuing friendship with me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.