Hold on to Me

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." - I Peter 5:6-7

And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me." - Matthew 28:18

At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them, and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 18:1-3

Dear God,

You care for me. You are always thinking about me and watching over me. You never forget about me. I am only human and I do sometimes forget You when I am feeling weak or tired or scared. I should forgive myself when that happens instead of beating myself up for it. I need to give all my worries to You. You can help me because all power in heaven and on earth is given to You. God, I release to You my worries and fears about the testing I need to undergo today. I release to You my worries and fears about what the republicans are trying to do to destroy healthcare. I am Your child. You are sovereign. Your providence will reign in this situation. 

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

God Is with You

Matthew 1:23 - "Behild, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel" (which means, God with us). 

Colossians 2:6-7 - Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so balk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.

Dear God, help me to always find You no matter what comes my way. Everything that happens is in Your plan and in Your time. Whether it be reconciliation with Tom, health situations, or even the beautiful rose after a long hard rainstorm. It is easy to believe that every good thing comes from You, but it is harder to believe that anything we perceive as negative also comes as a result of Your hand. It is about having fresh insight that You alone control all things, good and bad. Thank You for insight. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Tornadoes, Uprooted Trees, Mass Devastation, Social Media, Royal Weddings and Providence

We here in Alabama are going through a gamut of emotions this morning as the reality of yesterday's brutal weather starts to sink in. This month has been storm after storm after storm. In my own backyard, I see providence. April 15 brought two tornadoes to Alabaster and because of forethought, my miracle dog was uninjured when a tree crashed in her area because she was inside. Last night, providence was clear as the dog's house was moved two feet and an entire tree was uprooted missing the house by about five feet. Again, the miracle dog was inside.

But the damage in Alabaster and Pelham pales in comparison to Tuscaloosa and Cullman. We who live in Alabama who only have downed trees and no structural damage or injuries are fortunate. Yes, it is ugly, but we are fortunate.

I have friends in Cullman who I have not heard from yet. I have friends in Tuscaloosa who are fine but in shock. And to be frank, I am with them. Most of Alabama is with them. Our hearts are torn over this.

Growing up, I lived in tornado alley in Oklahoma. My parents shielded me from "The Wizard of Oz" until high school. I saw "Twister" and "Tornado." But the footage from Tuscaloosa was exactly like what was in those films. Only real.

I heard McDonald's, Krispy Kreme, Hobby Lobby, and the shopping center off McFarland Avenue were flattened. And I wanted to cry. These are familiar places for any of us who have attended the University of Alabama. I want to go there and gather all my friends in hugs and cry with them.

Ten years ago, we relied on television, radio, newspapers and telephone for news about loved ones. Today, Facebook and Twitter. News of this tornado spread internationally via Facebook from the international students.

Yet, a royal wedding has been half of the focus on morning news shows. In the wake of mass destruction, we Alabamians do not care about the royal wedding. A wedding is joyful but lots of people get married and do not get such media attention. In the wake of the destruction in Alabama, the news media need to wake up and reset their priorities.

Providence got us through. Our death toll in Alabama is staggering. Providence will get us through. Our churches need to step in now and help their members and other residents. Show everyone that "Aslan is on the move."

God's Providence Is Baffling

Friday afternoon, Alabama saw some nasty weather come through. We lost tree number five. But a lot of good was seen for my family despite that storm.

Good thing number one: We had decided that the dog would come in before the storms Friday because a storm Monday broke the tree and made it lean. We did not know if and when it would finally crash down, but we did not want the dog outside when it did. Sure enough, it crashed down during Friday's storms. The dog's mad at it now, but at least she is alive and unharmed.

Good thing number two: We were in my 4WD heading to Wal-mart in Pelham. They have some gluten free things. On the way, a girl hydroplaned. She crashed into the semi in the left turn lane and not us. The semi had a crossbar under the back of the trailer preventing her from going under. The driver felt it which made him park it instead of driving off and dragging her car with him. But other than that, no one was hurt.

Good thing number three: We stopped by CVS between Pelham and Alabaster which is when the sirens blared. Found out later that a tornado went over the Wal-mart shopping centers in Alabaster. We were not there because we went further out to a different Wal-Mary.

If I think about it, I saw God's providence and sovereignty and predestination at work Friday. But why is it still so baffling?

Where Is God When It Hurts?

Where is God when it hurts?
Where is He when your whole world has crashed down around you?
Where is He when the hurt has gotten to a point that there are no words to express your grief because those words have not been invented yet?
Where is He when life becomes unbearable?
Where is He when your heart has been shattered?
Where is He when you feel like giving up?
Where is He when you feel like there is no one left who you can trust?
Where is He when you've gone completely numb because it hurts that bad?
Where is He in the midst of strife?
Where is He when you cry out with all your might?
Where is He when you've cried your last tear but still want to cry?
Where is He when the prodigal is ready to return and repent?
Is He listening?
Does He care?
Does He still love you?
Can He be trusted?
Is He there?
Will He still be there?
Will He care?
Will He still love you?
Will He listen?
Will He stay or will He go?
Will He pick you up from a big fall, hug you and say, "Child, I love you?"
Will He forgive you?
Will He wipe away the tears?
Will He repair the brokenness of life, love, friendships?
Can He?
Where is God when it hurts?

God's Providence and Sovereignty in Earthquakes, Tsunamis and Solar Flares

I am at a loss over the idea of God's providence and sovereignty today. Not only because of a personal attack on my emotional health by someone I thought I could trust, but also because of the solar flares and the earthquakes in Japan and the tsunamis in Hawaii and California.

The timing of the solar flares and the earthquakes which caused the tsunamis is just too coincidental for anyone to ignore. We all learned in science that the tidal waves are affected by lunar phases. So how much impact can solar flares, which involve magnetic fields, have on earthquakes?

A lot of big words have been thrown out today to try to explain the earthquakes and the tsunamis, but those words do not help explain why they really occurred.

If by some chance the solar flares can be linked to the earthquakes, then it must by some great design out of that sovereignty of God that I have been learning about and wrestling so hard with trying to understand as more and more of my "onion heart" gets peeled away through mistakes and being open to whatever God is trying to do in my life right now. That is why things have been so tumultuous of late.

But what I wrestle with is understanding how to put that in the reach of those who have been personally affected. I have friends in Hawaii and friends and family in California. The last I heard from my friends in Hawaii via Facebook is that they were safe but still under warnings. I have no word to report from California yet. But I have had to stop watching the news because it is so worrisome for me.

How do I explain God's providence and sovereignty in all of this when I do not fully understand it myself?

Where Is God's Grace? Where Is His Providence?

It seems as though God's grace and providence have long since left. Two months ago when this whole situation first occurred, out of the blue really, I began questioning my salvation. And even though now that I am secure on that end, I still have a hard time finding God's grace and providence in this situation. It seems if God's grace were as alive as I hear it is and want to believe it is that the moment the person realized that they could have handled things better they would have undid what they did that hurt me so much. That one action has brought me down emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.

For one thing, that person and I had just regained trust. Trust that was broken by another's implications that I was not wanted at church and that the person wanted nothing to do with me. So for months, I questioned why he hated me. All over a misunderstanding and the implications that planted seeds of doubt in my head. So the person and I made an agreement that as long as I never asked him why he hated me on his wall, that we could be friends but that question would be the breaking of it.

I faithfully and dutifully kept my end of the agreement and then I found myself removed. Not as a friend, but it might as well have been since really a friend who does not have privileges is equivalent to not being a friend.

We began meeting with a counselor as a mediator to try to work on the re-establishment and the re-building of trust and have made a new agreement targeting texting since texting seemed to be the biggest issue that we had. And we agreed on texting once a week.

Now I find myself slammed with a threat that the person will be breaking that new agreement over something that we did not clearly define adequately and that the person could have said something about sooner rather than engaging in back-and-forth.

I cannot even begin to tell you how many levels that would be wrong on since we are in the middle of trying to not only restore privileges that really should not have been taken away to start with considering how faithfully and dutifully I had kept the original agreement and the fact that the person was at fault on account of the fact that the person should have brought up the problem before doing what the person did thus breaking my trust. Because one of the biggest areas that would be impacted if this person breaks YET ANOTHER agreement is that area of trust. I'm already feeling wounded. Does this person really need to bring me down further until I sink so low that all I will be able to do is fall into the bottomless pit of despair which is the point of no return for me since that is the point where I would be more likely to resort to my old friend from before I did become a Christian which is cutting?

Where is grace? I've heard this person say that grace gives second and third and so forth chances. But I did not see this person exercise that. And where is providence? Because if this new agreement gets broken, then the only other question I will have is where is God?

A Constant Struggle With Sovereignty and Providence

Without getting into too many personal specifics right now, I want to be honest enough to admit that I am in a constant struggle with sovereignty and providence. If God is sovereign, then He knows everything that will happen and when they will happen, but I often wonder why He would let certain things happen because He has the power to stop the bad things from happening, yet He doesn't? And if providence is God working things out for the good of those people He predestined to be His, then where do the bad things come in? Why does He allow them?

Please understand that I am not asking why He let me have an immune deficiency that has no cure or treatment. Grant it, to this day I still say that if only it had been cancer at least I would have SOME choice in the matter because cancer can be treated. But I am not talking about that.

I am talking about, and this is where it starts to get personal, child abuse. If God is sovereign and provident, then why is there any child abuse happening? What good can come out of child abuse? Look at the former victims of child abuse, especially the girls who were abused by their human fathers. A lifetime of scars and brokenness, lack of trust, suspicions, relational difficulties to battle and overcome on top of working out faith and understanding that God is a Father? Where is the providence in that?

I have been reminded many times by the "fatherly" men in my life that for a father to abuse their daughter is to set the daughter up for failure when it comes to understanding men and how they relate to them. This can make things difficult in the love department as the girl wrestles with whether she should tell the prospective suitor about the abuse. It's emotional baggage. And from personal experience, it can lead to the breaking of many a relationship. Not that I have THAT much personal experience, but I have had one guy friend who I got close too and had told. Surprisingly, he did not run away until after a letter he sent me that summer while I was at school and he was at home in which he brought up the word intimate to describe the type of friendship he wanted with me and that word threw me. He called me almost every day. People thought we were dating. I got scared. I called a cooling off for the time period he went on vacation. Toward the end of that summer I told him that I was afraid to continue in the relationship unless we were on the same page about what we both wanted - where we wanted the relationship to go. He couldn't decide. It hurt when he broke off the friendship and then made a professional threat against me, but it was probably the best thing for me. If two people cannot concur on where they want a relationship to go, then it may not be a healthy relationship.

Then again, what exactly is a HEALTHY relationship? When a person comes from a long line of broken relationships, how can they know what a truly healthy relationship is?

It goes back to my struggle with God's sovereignty and providence. Don't misunderstand me when I admit to having that struggle. I'm not saying I don't believe in it. I do believe. But I have a hard time understanding and grasping it.