Where Is God When It Hurts?

Where is God when it hurts?
Where is He when your whole world has crashed down around you?
Where is He when the hurt has gotten to a point that there are no words to express your grief because those words have not been invented yet?
Where is He when life becomes unbearable?
Where is He when your heart has been shattered?
Where is He when you feel like giving up?
Where is He when you feel like there is no one left who you can trust?
Where is He when you've gone completely numb because it hurts that bad?
Where is He in the midst of strife?
Where is He when you cry out with all your might?
Where is He when you've cried your last tear but still want to cry?
Where is He when the prodigal is ready to return and repent?
Is He listening?
Does He care?
Does He still love you?
Can He be trusted?
Is He there?
Will He still be there?
Will He care?
Will He still love you?
Will He listen?
Will He stay or will He go?
Will He pick you up from a big fall, hug you and say, "Child, I love you?"
Will He forgive you?
Will He wipe away the tears?
Will He repair the brokenness of life, love, friendships?
Can He?
Where is God when it hurts?

Dark Night of the Soul

I keep wondering about the expression "dark night of the soul." It's not just a Presbyterian term. A lot of people from a lot of denominations describe having them. For what it's worth, it is even mentioned in many non-religious literary works.

So then I wonder, what is the dark night of the soul?

I guess to some degree, it would vary by the individual affected. For me, I would say that feeling dejected and alone, rejected and unwanted, unloved and falling into the stage in which I want to hurt myself physically or start pushing people away who really do love and care about me and have stayed with me through a difficult time despite my pushing back is probably my dark night of the soul. It's when I have to fight the hardest to not sink into that bottomless pit of despair.

And if that's the dark night of the soul for me then I'm there now and it seems like I've been there for the past two months. I'm trying to shelter. I'm trying to go into a very slimy bubble where no one can access me. Where no one can hurt me. And it hurts even more sometimes than the original hurt that was inflicted upon me to start with.

All I know is that I am not in a good place emotionally right now. And it is no surprise that it feels like that is starting to overarch itself into my faith and tear me down.

Ever since the original hurt got inflicted, I have been down a whirlwind path questioning my salvation. Do I really have it? Only to be met with one final conclusive answer: Yes because if I did not have it, I would not be  asking if I had it because I would not care. Since no one seeks God out of their own volition and will (the doctrine of predestination and effectual calling), then no one would care about whether or not he/she was saved if he/she was not already saved.

But that does not make things any easier.