Thursday, January 5, 2017

Molly Jean

We had to let my dear sweet Molly Jean cross the Rainbow Bridge Monday. What a way to start the year. This is my second fur baby to cross since July when Katie passed from that brain aneurysm so suddenly. My heart is so broken over the loss. 

Molly Jean was 18. She was born profoundly deaf. She started having issues with cataracts. She started falling a lot because her hips ended up with arthritis and dysplasia. She apparently lost all of the vision in one eye and was about to lose the vision in her other eye. 

In the weekend prior to having to let her go, she did stop eating. I had to hand feed her. She just lost all interest in food. She did try though. For me. 

She faded. And by that, I mean she had basically left her body and she was just a shell. 

Sunday night I cupped her chin and forced her to face me. And I told her that I love her and will miss her. As best as I could. And during that moment, she touched her name to my nose and I knew that she understood me. 

I fought with the decision most of Monday morning. But when my mom got back from a quick errand, I said it was time. I apologized to my mom and helped her load Molly Jean into what would be her last car ride. 

Mom said Molly Jean wanted to leave the vet's office with her when she left to return home. This was probably the saddest thing to hear. 

As much as it pains me, Molly Jean did cross peacefully. And she will no longer be in any pain. And I hope that she finally gets to hear the birds singing. But I know Molly Jean passed peacefully because there was no middle of the night visit from her like there was with Peaches and then with Katie. 

So to my dear Molly Jean, you will be missed. And you left a huge imprint on my heart. You were loved in a huge way. Oh, and don't worry. We will give the new dog Buddy Glow Ball when we have the new dog. It just might not be for a few months. 

Keep Asking

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." - Ephesians 3:20-21

Other translation, focal verse: "With God's power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or think of." - Ephesians 3:20

He said, "In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor respected man. And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him saying, 'Give me justice against my adversary.' For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, 'Though I neither fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.'" And the Lord said, "Hear what the unrighteous judge says. And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith in earth?" - Luke 18:2-8

"For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." - Luke 11:10

Dear God, 

You are with me and within me. You are doing good things in my life. I may not always be aware that You are with me, but still You are there. I need to ask great things of You because You are great. Nothing is impossible for You. I need to pray boldly in Your name. I need to persevere in my prayers. I will keep praying right now that the people who have benefited from the protections of the ACA will not find themselves back where we were before the ACA. They do not deserve this. No matter who they voted for. I will ask that You empower me and other advocates to do the right thing and stand against the republicans attempting to screw us all up in this one area. I will ask that You intervene in a huge way. 

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name, 

amen!

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

A Safe Place

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." - I Peter 5:8

"Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by." - Psalm 57:1

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!" - Psalm 34:8

Dear God,

Be my refuge when the storms ahead of us hit. They have already begun. Please take my worries God. Be with me. Take care of me. Shelter me. Today I choose You. Not my worries. Oh sweet joy in the refuge!

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

My Plan

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

"Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord." - Psalm 32:10

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." - Romans 12:12

"Humber yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." - I Peter 5:6-7

Dear God,

You have a perfect plan for my life. I just wish I knew some more about it than I do. Sometimes Your plan is different than mine. Boy, don't I know that more now than ever. I didn't expect to lose Katie before I lost Molly Jean. The order of which defied logic and reasoning of nature where older things die before younger things. And I certainly did not plan to lose them both within months of each other.  Sometimes Your plan will involve doing something hard or uncomfortable. That might be fine God, but I need to understand Your plan with regard to a bunch of hypocritical men who hate the least of these and are bent on taking away access to healthcare for all of the citizens of this country. What purpose does this fill when so many could die as a result? Surely that is not Your plan? Your plan could include troubles and problems. I see that. I struggle to see Your love through our current events. God, I am struggling to trust You in this moment right now. God, I do need You more than ever. I am not angry with You anymore, but I am exasperated with You. I want to trust that You only want what is best for me. That You have something HUGE in mind that will be a positive thing for me, for everyone. Take all of my worries God. Take them, keep them, work through them on my behalf. I am throwing my hands up in the air and saying pffffftttttt.....

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

Monday, January 2, 2017

Not One Single Thing

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39

Focus verse: Romans 8:39 - Nothing above us, nothing below us, or anything else in the whole world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." - John 10:10

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

Other translation: "I have told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble. But be brave! I have defeated the world!" - John 16:33

Dear God,

Nothing can separate me from Your love. Nothing. Nothing I say. Nothing I think. Nothing I do. Nothing someone else does or says to me. Nothing can separate me from You. I am not perfect. Nor do You ask me to be right now. I will make mistakes. But mistakes cannot separate me from Your love. Help me to sit back and relish what good there is in life. Help me to be brave when things are rough.

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

That Where I Am There You May Also Be by Rich Mullins




Sunday, January 1, 2017

My Kind of Hope

Hope is expecting God to keep His promises and knowing that He will.

"God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?" - Numbers 23:19

"Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you." - Psalm 33:20-22

Other translation: "So our hope is in the Lord. He is our help, our shield to protect us. We rejoice in him. We trust his holy name. Lord, show your love to us as we put our hope in you." - Psalm 33:20-22

"Paul, a servant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ, for the sake of the faith of God's elect and their knowledge of the truth, which accords with godliness, in hope of eternal life, which God, who never lies, promised before the ages began and at the proper time manifested in his word through the preaching with which I have been entrusted by the command of God our Savior; To Titus, my true child in a common faith: Grace and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior." - Titus 1:1-4

Focal verse: "That faith and that knowledge come from our hope for life forever. God promised that life to us before time began, and God does not lie." - Titus 1:2

Dear God,

I want to put my hope in You. Because unlike man, You do not lie. You say You want to give me a happy ending to my story. My story has been anything but happy and I am now in a long battle ahead with the changing of the tides back over to a political party that would be happier if the disabled and the poor did not exist at all. I expect You to keep Your promises to me though. Your promises of continued provision and love and forgiveness. And that is what hoping in You is about - expectation. God, I want to fully let go of myself and fall into Your guiding arms. And I need Your help to do that. I have fallen but I can get back up again with You beside me if You will have me. God, strengthen me. Help me to stand strong in the face of adversity. Give me strength and wisdom when the bullies come at me. Give me peace knowing that at the end of the day I have done all I can do. Don't let me give up.

Thank You God for everything.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen!









Friday, December 9, 2016

Facebook Punishes Victims of Cyberbullying Yet Does Nothing to the Bully

So I got attacked yesterday based on my photo apparently as being a "poor person who doesn't pay for insurance under the ACA." I had simply defended against an idiot who said they wanted the ACA repealed because they didn't want to pay for poor people. They were called out for being a fundamentalist troll by someone prior. I simply said they weren't accurate and how the ACA allows me to not be the person who has to be stuck in an ER-charity care rut but that I do pay FULL PRICE for the policy I have. That's when they launched their attack on me based on my looks. Well, so I woke up this morning to find, guess what? I cannot post, like, comment, or do anything for 24 hours because apparently my calling the bully out for attacking a disabled person who benefits from the ACA protections was deemed inappropriate. Yes, my whole PROFILE is on lockdown because I defended myself against a bully on Facebook. And get this. The bully? Nothing happened to them. Facebook did NOTHING against the bully. The victim gets their entire profile on lockdown while the bully goes free. What kind of message does this send? In a day and age where cyberbullying is on the rise, what kind of message does locking the profile of the victim send? Well, I will be contacting the ACLU about this to make sure it does not happen again. In the meantime, there are some things I am supposed to be doing (social media blasts, sending my address back to some friends for Christmas cards, helping other disabled individuals and their families) that I can not do because the main source for doing these things has been disabled all because I called out a bully for being a bully. It's actually a gross situation too when you think about it. People get away with hate speech against the disabled on Facebook, reports about it go ignored, and the bullies still spread the hate speech. Yet when it's spam, scam, fake news, bullying a person of a different race, etc., they act and they act promptly. The double standard that is prevalent with this is appalling. Oh, and welcome to Trump's world. A place where the victims of cyberbullying are punished for defending themselves and for being disabled. A place where those who defend the rights of the poor, the disabled, the elderly, the veterans get attacked and called all kinds of things that are simply not true or right. A place where the ability to think freely and express one's opinion is no longer allowed without being the target of a bully and where you cannot stand up against the bully. A place where bitterness and hate and anger is now prevalent and love and peace and gentleness is no longer the norm. A place where the least of these among us are living in terror because they may lose the safety net they need to survive in this unjust country. A place where we have to pray for one last miracle to keep Trump and all those hateful people he is appointing out of DC. A place where the least of these among us cry in anguish wondering if they will still have insurance coverage the next day or if they will get the dreaded letter that says they are being denied or dropped. A place where the least of these among us wonder if they will still have a roof over their heads or food on their tables the next day. A place where the least of these is starting to pray that Jesus comes today because they don't want to suffer nor should they have to suffer. A place where even evangelical churches and their leaders showed their ugly side by standing up in support of the idiot elect knowing full well that the message he was sending was one of hate, not love. This world has become an ugly and terrifying place for the least of these. 

I leave these words from Jesus: "Whatsoever you did to the least of these, you did to me. Whatsoever you didn't to the least of these, you didn't to me." Jesus, it looks like You're going to have to remain naked, homeless, thirsty, hungry, sick, poor, and imprisoned. The Trump supporters have made their decision. They don't care about You or Your needs. They don't care about the least of these. And they are using Your name as their reason. "You shall know them by their fruit." That is some NASTY fruit. 

I have seen many vulnerable Christians who comprise the least of these among us essentially threaten to disassociate from other "Christians" since the election. They have decided that enough is enough and they no longer want to be associated with those who would support Trump and his party of hate. I disassociated myself from the party in 2010 when a group calling themselves the tea party infiltrated the party with hate for the sitting president over his skin color and his desire to help ALL of America as opposed to the 1%. I distanced myself from the party entirely after a sermon called SWOOP by a pastor in Birmingham in 2012 before that election. I listened to him as he shared how the 47% comment made by Romney was just wrong in principle. How it was judgmental. And then I listened to him explain how sometimes the woman gets an abortion because there's a law that says that if she needs help feeding her children that she cannot have another baby unless she can prove she was attacked or assaulted or she will lose the help she needs to feed her already living children. I listened to him as he said how it is wrong to judge that woman who got the abortion without knowing her story and how it is our duty as Christians to love that woman and to share God's grace with her. 

Let's dissect that message some more. How can you, as a "Christian" support someone who wants to throw people off of insurance that they need in order to stay out of the ER? If I lost both BCBS and Medicaid access today, I would lose access to three medicines that keep out of the ER, one medicine that is maintenance medicine so I don't get anymore sluggish than I already am, and I would certainly not be able to get IVIG for my immune deficiency. We would not be able to establish whether I have mast cell activation disorder or mastocytosis or what kind of mastocytosis I have. All of these conditions are manageable with the help of insurance coverage for prescriptions. And as my body adjusts to them, I have the potential to return to the workforce. But until then, I cannot work at all, hence the disability aspect of my life. I am among many that face this risk now. And some of them only have Medicaid because they literally cannot afford BCBS. 

Let's continue to dissect that message. How many disabled and elderly are on SNAP (aka food stamps)? Let's make that simple, if they are able-bodied, they are working under the re-implemented work requirements. So if they are not working and are on SNAP, they fall in one of less than a handful of categories which include disabled and elderly. At what point did Jesus say, here take this bread and this fish and feed everyone but don't feed them until they pee in this cup? At what point in His message about the least of these did He ever mention drug testing? Never? Then why do the "Christians" insist on doing this? Why do they keep cutting food benefits? 

Dissect it some more with regard to SS for the retired, SSI for the low income disabled who are still young, SSDI for the older disabled, Medicare for the elderly and some disabled and even veterans. We could on all day. 

Ask yourself dear "Christians" how you can support a party that wants to bring harm to the least of these that Jesus talked about and likened to Himself? Ask yourself how you can support an idiot elect who spread so many messages of hate and even encouraged his supporters to attack the opposition for spreading love? Ask yourself how you can have such a double standard? If Mr. Obama had done half of what Trump has been doing since the election, he would have been impeached or recalled before even being allowed to step into DC. Yet the same people have turned a blind eye to Trump essentially giving him the thumbs up. A man who spoke openly in the past about wanting to sleep with his daughter and grabbing women without their consent. A man who bashed the disabled, people of color, people of different ethnic backgrounds and different religions. A man who thinks being given $1 million by his daddy is a "small loan." A man who has bankrupted many times, stiffed his employees, makes them all sign non-disclosure agreements, attacks the very amendment that lets him show his stupidity, attacks the press for doing its job to report on his hot headedness and ignorance as well as his hypocrisy, a man who has been influenced by Russia and set to country on a sure path to WWIII.... If you support this, then not only do I call you out for not really being a true Christian, but I have no sympathy and no empathy for when you find everything that was predicted about Trump causes you to suffer. 

We have one last hope for a miracle from God in this matter and that is the antiquated Electoral College who is constitutionally charged to put forth faithless votes when a candidate proves to be a clear and present danger to this country. It is their constitutional duty to bar from office any person who proves to be grossly unqualified for such a position of power in this country. And it is actually illegal for any state to fine the electoral college members from fulfilling their constitutional duty. And of in the off chance any members of the electoral college happen to be reading this, I hereby charge you to uphold your duty to bar Trump from the office of president. He has done too many things that prove how unfit he is for the position and this country has literally flipped an ugly corner since the election.

This got long, and this went into some things that are not necessarily directly related to my main title, but this is the first time I have truly been able to focus my thoughts enough to write about it. I have been hurt by Trump supporters. And I have many friends who have also been hurt by Trump supporters. And the worst part of it all is that the victims get punished while the bullies do not. Facebook sent a horrible message with their actions today. A horrible message. Update, I reported the bully and of course, as usual, Facebook did nothing about it. They allowed the bully to remain unpunished. And I am still under punishment. For being a victim that had the nerve to stand up for herself.