Molly Jean

We had to let my dear sweet Molly Jean cross the Rainbow Bridge Monday. What a way to start the year. This is my second fur baby to cross since July when Katie passed from that brain aneurysm so suddenly. My heart is so broken over the loss. 

Molly Jean was 18. She was born profoundly deaf. She started having issues with cataracts. She started falling a lot because her hips ended up with arthritis and dysplasia. She apparently lost all of the vision in one eye and was about to lose the vision in her other eye. 

In the weekend prior to having to let her go, she did stop eating. I had to hand feed her. She just lost all interest in food. She did try though. For me. 

She faded. And by that, I mean she had basically left her body and she was just a shell. 

Sunday night I cupped her chin and forced her to face me. And I told her that I love her and will miss her. As best as I could. And during that moment, she touched her name to my nose and I knew that she understood me. 

I fought with the decision most of Monday morning. But when my mom got back from a quick errand, I said it was time. I apologized to my mom and helped her load Molly Jean into what would be her last car ride. 

Mom said Molly Jean wanted to leave the vet's office with her when she left to return home. This was probably the saddest thing to hear. 

As much as it pains me, Molly Jean did cross peacefully. And she will no longer be in any pain. And I hope that she finally gets to hear the birds singing. But I know Molly Jean passed peacefully because there was no middle of the night visit from her like there was with Peaches and then with Katie. 

So to my dear Molly Jean, you will be missed. And you left a huge imprint on my heart. You were loved in a huge way. Oh, and don't worry. We will give the new dog Buddy Glow Ball when we have the new dog. It just might not be for a few months. 

My Plan

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

"Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord." - Psalm 32:10

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." - Romans 12:12

"Humber yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." - I Peter 5:6-7

Dear God,

You have a perfect plan for my life. I just wish I knew some more about it than I do. Sometimes Your plan is different than mine. Boy, don't I know that more now than ever. I didn't expect to lose Katie before I lost Molly Jean. The order of which defied logic and reasoning of nature where older things die before younger things. And I certainly did not plan to lose them both within months of each other.  Sometimes Your plan will involve doing something hard or uncomfortable. That might be fine God, but I need to understand Your plan with regard to a bunch of hypocritical men who hate the least of these and are bent on taking away access to healthcare for all of the citizens of this country. What purpose does this fill when so many could die as a result? Surely that is not Your plan? Your plan could include troubles and problems. I see that. I struggle to see Your love through our current events. God, I am struggling to trust You in this moment right now. God, I do need You more than ever. I am not angry with You anymore, but I am exasperated with You. I want to trust that You only want what is best for me. That You have something HUGE in mind that will be a positive thing for me, for everyone. Take all of my worries God. Take them, keep them, work through them on my behalf. I am throwing my hands up in the air and saying pffffftttttt.....

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

Weak and Weary

Psalm 42:5-6 - Why are you downcast, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

Jeremiah 31:25 - "For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish."

Jeremiah 31:25 (ICB) - I will give rest and strength to those who are weak and tired.

II Corinthians 13:4 - For he was crucified in weakens, but lives by the power of God. For we are also weak in him, but in dealing with you we will live with him by the power of God.

Dear God, my body feels weak and weary. My eyes are still recovering from the virus my body has been fighting. It has been an emotional weekend with Molly Jean. She was really very sick from the heat and we did not know if she would pull through due to her age. We now have to seriously consider end of life plans for her though due to her age. Help me. Strengthen me against the attacks of the evil one. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

I Set You Free

Psalm 103:11-12 - For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

Isaiah 61:10 - I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and a bride adorns herself with jewels.

Romans 8:1-2 - There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.

Romans 8:2 (ICB) - I am not judged guilty because in Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit that brings life made me free. It made me free from the law that brings sin and death.

Dear God, thank You for setting me free from the sins of this life that I may have committed. Thank You for forgiving and forgetting them. God, I have a heart ache I need You to help me through. I am losing my fur baby. Molly Jean is 15 now. That is a long time for a dog. She was born profoundly deaf and I worked with her using sign language. Other than a few minor things and a case of heat stroke, she has been relatively perfect in health until her body has taken a turn for the slow in the last couple of years. She is slipping away from me. The thing is, I have to let her go. But she is trying to hold on. Molly Jean doesn't seem to want to eat her food. I have tried a few other things to at least put something in her stomach, but I really need her to pull through until at least Monday. God, is it too hot for her? Can you give us some cool weather for a few hours before we get slammed with the unbearable heat? Is it time for us to say good-bye? Please, God, if it is time for us to say good-bye, please give me a strong sign. I need Your comfort and peace more now than ever. This is my second fur baby going through this in 8 years. Mom and I have decided that after she goes back to You that we will wait until after our long awaited vacation next holiday season to get another dog. One of the reasons is to make sure that we will have the money because the next dog needs to be a service dog and we have to go through all the research, time, and conversations to get things squared away for that. Oh God, please know if it is time for Molly Jean to go home to You that I do not want to be selfish with her. It hurts, but if You need her more now, then tell me, and I will give her to You gladly. Okay? Thank You God for giving me 15 long human years with her. I cannot ask for anything more. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Not Guilty Anymore by Aaron Keyes (YouTube)

It doesn't matter what You've done

It doesn't matter where You're coming from

Doesn't matter where You've been

Hear me tell You I forgive

You're not guilty anymore

You're not guilty anymore

I love You, mercy is Yours

You're not broken anymore

You're not captive anymore

I love you, mercy is Yours

Can You believe this is true? 

Grace abundant I am giving You

Cleansing deeper than You know

All was paid for long ago

There is now

Therefore no condemnation 

For those who are in Jesus 

You're not guilty anymore

You're not filthy anymore

I love You, mercy is Yours

You're not broken anymore

You're not captive anymore

I love you, mercy is Yours

You are spotless

You are holy

You are faultless

You are whole

You are righteous

You are blameless

You are pardoned

You are mine