My Plan

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

"Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord." - Psalm 32:10

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." - Romans 12:12

"Humber yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." - I Peter 5:6-7

Dear God,

You have a perfect plan for my life. I just wish I knew some more about it than I do. Sometimes Your plan is different than mine. Boy, don't I know that more now than ever. I didn't expect to lose Katie before I lost Molly Jean. The order of which defied logic and reasoning of nature where older things die before younger things. And I certainly did not plan to lose them both within months of each other.  Sometimes Your plan will involve doing something hard or uncomfortable. That might be fine God, but I need to understand Your plan with regard to a bunch of hypocritical men who hate the least of these and are bent on taking away access to healthcare for all of the citizens of this country. What purpose does this fill when so many could die as a result? Surely that is not Your plan? Your plan could include troubles and problems. I see that. I struggle to see Your love through our current events. God, I am struggling to trust You in this moment right now. God, I do need You more than ever. I am not angry with You anymore, but I am exasperated with You. I want to trust that You only want what is best for me. That You have something HUGE in mind that will be a positive thing for me, for everyone. Take all of my worries God. Take them, keep them, work through them on my behalf. I am throwing my hands up in the air and saying pffffftttttt.....

Thank You.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

Bittersweet

Dear God,

I don't understand why. 

She was only 10. Just had her 10th birthday last week.

She seemed fine yesterday.

She's my baby. 

So why her?

Why did she have to go like that?

The vet said it was an aneurysm. And my understanding of those is that they are sudden. No one can be prepared for them. Especially not the family who is left behind in the wake of the aftermath of them. 

But why did it have to be my baby girl?

Why did it have to be Katie?

Katie was so full of life just yesterday. So spunky and vibrant. 

And today, in the blink of an eye, lifeless. 

Oh, how my heart breaks! 

Please comfort us as we try to move past today. Please comfort us today. Please help Molly Jean understand why her mommy is hurting so much today. 

And most of all, please make sure Katie knows that I love her. Always have and always will. 

I loved her since the day I saw her just six short days after Peaches was laid to rest and she was three days old. 

I will never be able to find another one like her.

She lived with megacolon. A condition that ordinarily would be a death sentence in and of itself. 

But knowing this doesn't make it any easier. 

Tonight will be lonely without my baby. 

I miss her terribly already. 

Please help me through this time. 

Please help me find the right baby that needs me as much as I need them. 

Thank You for the precious time I did get to have with Katie. 

In Jesus' Name, Amen!