Inspired

Four things:

1. Started a jar project. Two jars this time. One jar of at least one milestone (can be anything from a new achievement to a health thing to whatever) and one jar for my friend Tom. My only two rules are: I cannot under any circumstance remove the slips from the jars. This could mean that there be repeats, but that's okay. My second rule: I must come up with at least one positive thing each day. The jar for Tom will be part of his Christmas gift next year.

2. Be more positive. The jars will be a visual aid for me. And I may need a huge pickle jar for Tom at the rate things are going, but if that happens, then that reinforces a new habit for me.

3. Dear future husband whoever you may be and wherever you are, I know God has chosen you for me and will bring us together in His time when He knows we are ready for each other. For you see, God made me very different. I have autism and ADHD as well as a special medical diet and allergies among other conditions. God is preparing you to be able to handle special needs and preparing your heart for adoption. Because I will not be able to have biological children due to some health complications. It takes a very special man with a very special heart to be able to love me in the way that God wants me to be loved. And you will have to answer so many questions from so many of the men in my life who have become friends with me and would do anything they can, within reason, to help protect me from being wounded. So to my future husband, we may or may not have ever met before, but that doesn't matter; what matters is that you love God, you treat women right, you have a heart and a compassion for special needs and you're ready and willing to adopt. Oh, and you can't drink or smoke. And must love dogs and cats. You're getting shots if you're allergic because all my life, I've had at least one of each all the time. Sincerely, your future wife

4. WHY DID it take the wise men two years to get to Jesus? If it were wise women, we would've asked directions! But I will do a separate post with my modern spin on the Christmas story. It may even be expanded!

Anyway, I just wanted to share this because for those of you that know about the decision I made, I want you to know that I love you and will miss seeing you as much as I have, but I am happier right now. Scared, but happy. And my friend Tom will know where I end up and will be able to update people on a need to know basis. Which means if he doesn't think someone needs to know, he ain't telling him/her. And it will be to protect me. But don't worry because it's just for a season while God moves the area into a position where churches are not only equipped for special needs children AND adults, but ready and have a heart song for them. The need is growing fast on a daily basis. We are ready for the harvest. We just need workers. And if this is something you have a heart for, feel free to let me know because I need a team to help make ready for what's coming. God has called me, and I am trying to listen, but I don't have all the resources yet. I need other people as well. And if you are local, we can still see each other and I'll come back and visit when my friend is available for special days. But I am happier and more at peace now, so I guess it was the right decision.

Love to all and Happy New Year!

Asperger's and Autism

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I Wish I Was Normal!

It's sad when a church causes someone to feel so hurt that they would speak those words. It's the biggest insult to God.

But sadly, the document they have me was deemed as abusive, discriminating, and bullying.

So now what? I can't stay because I'll be excluded. But I don't want to lose my friends.

I'm not safe where I am now. I never will be until they start practicing Matthew 25.

What they did is wrong. They hurt me and hurt my relationships because of that one document.

"Flagrant disregard for the peace and purity of the church." Because I consulted experts to try to protect everyone from implications caused by the document. But yet they did the same thing to me spreading word about me against me.

I'm being excluded because I have autism.

I'm afraid. Afraid to lose my friends but more afraid to stay. Staying means excluded. Going means I lose my friends.

I'm confused. And I'm hurt.

Dear God, I'm sorry You made me the way You did. I wish I was normal. Because maybe then I wouldn't be excluded. I'm sorry for insulting You. Please forgive me. Amen.

"Whatever you do to the least of these, you do to Me." - Be careful when looking for churches.

OMPC is not safe for people or families with individuals who have special needs and never will be. They have chosen to exclude them rather than to actually mainstream them. I know. Because ever since they paid for me to get tested and the diagnosis for autism came back, they have worked harder to exclude me citing the autism as an excuse than they have to include me. Acceptance? Not there. Love? Not there. Grace? Not there. Jesus? Not there. For in their excluding a person with special needs, they have excluded Jesus. And now they have caused me to lose my autism therapy with the only person in the Birmingham area that I have found so far that was actually willing to work with me. As a result, they have cost me my chances of success with Voc Rehab and of ever being able to get a job. And pushed me further from God. And as to my mother who may not even be a Christian? Forget it. Any chance there might have been is now gone because she has endured months of agony and anguish with me as a result of what they have done. They blocked any chance of restoration with the person who actually initiated any and all of the conflict(s) that involved me - the New Testament says we are to seek full restoration. As to church discipline? They won't do it because they don't think I can handle it. My spirit is too fragile is what I was told at one point. Then I was told they can't do it because I wouldn't be able to understand it and that because I have autism, they cannot expect me to be able to do what the non-autistic person/adult can do. Okay. Well, then, explain why they have continually added MORE restrictions when they already KNOW that I can't even handle the ones already in place? But because of what just happened and the fact that they have caused the loss of the therapy, I have had to take action that I did not ever want to have to take. Because that went too far. They asked for it. It is not that I am unable to do it, but because of them, I will never be able to do it. I'm pretty sure that it would be a safe bet that they intentionally did this in order to have yet another excuse to continue to exclude me. So if you are reading this and you have someone close to you who has special needs and you are looking for a good church that will accept you and your loved one, do not go to OMPC. Or you might end up eventually going through what I am now. And that would not be good. Safety? Never going to be there if you have special needs. Peace? They took the same vows. They caused this to happen. And some of them are the leaders themselves. UGH!!

God's Plan or Mine?

Haha. I did not ask for what has happened lately. I am now back in physical therapy along with autism therapy among other things. We are still tricking my immune system through allergy shots that I now have to get every week without fail. But my left hip/pelvic joint came out of place and has thrown my bad knee and leg for a loop. And to top that, my right wrist, my dominant hand, is being ornery. Haha. I always wanted to practice more with my left hand so I can write with it almost as legibly. Guess what? I now have to. As for the autism, I wish people would stop using it as an excuse to exclude me from being involved with activities and things. Hello! Autism doesn't keep me from being able to do anything. Ignorance and lack of understanding or refusing to learn about it which leads to fear does. You know where I am now in the journey of the diagnosis? Embracing everything. I am not afraid of living life. I am not afraid of being with people. Yes, it presents challenges, but the challenges only get harder the more others exclude me. Autism has no physical signs. It is not contagious. So don't treat me like I am something to be feared. I want what everyone wants. I want to be loved and accepted. Not forced to conform to everyone else, the so-called normal people, but loved and accepted for me, as one of God's uniquely gifted people able to serve in the church, the community, the world. I'm not being rude, self-centered, or indignant if I don't look at you when you talk to me. I can't look at you and communicate because it hurts. Case in point, I am a personal story now. 3D films are bad. They have too much sensory stimulus. I have sensory and texture issues. I love music but at church it gets too loud and I feel the vibrations more than I hear the sound. It bothers me. I went to the Belk store at the Summit. I nearly fell out. The upper floor was too much stimulus. I can't stand scratchy material. It is like kryptoite. Cooked vegetables? Not happening. They tend to be too slimy. I can't do a lot of cooking because of texture issues. I didn't plan any of this. God did. For some reason, He CHOSE me to have autism, ADHD, and everything else I have. Maybe He chose me to teach others about people like myself. Maybe He put me at the church where I am now to right the wrong that churches commit when it comes to people who have special needs like me. Maybe He wants churches to open their eyes and to truly see Him through me and others like me. They don't call us PURE for nothing. Fresh honesty. Fresh joy. Fresh love. Uninhibited by fear and anxiety. Uninhibited because we have a different point of view. Autism. Two worlds collide. The personal world and the outer people world. I have a friend. She waltzed into my life and it left me vulnerable to having others enter in as well. Now I am losing my friend. And I am shaken. You see, this summer, God took a pastor and brought some new person in that I haven't even met yet in at the same time. Everyone says pastor will come back but I am worried. What if he doesn't or can't? Three months is forever! But he's not back and I am losing one of the only constants I have had most of the summer! I lost it. I tried to get control. In doing so, I fought and I tried to push people away. So much for that. That was even more scary! So for now, God's plan or mine? Not mine, but not quite His either. Not yet anyway. For now, God sits beside me and guides me, but I'm not ready to let Him have full control. I'm still too scared. Anyway, if anyone from my team stumbles on this, that's what my thoughts are right now and I invite you wholeheartedly to come and take my hands and walk with me as little by little, I start to let go and let God.

An Open Letter

Dear God,
Today I found out that the very people who were supposed to be "caring" for me and "loving me well" during the past 7-9 months really have been doing nothing but double talk. They have said one thing yet done another. Today I found out that my church will never truly be a church because it will never honor all of Your words. Today I found out that You don't really accept special needs people because the church is supposed to be a reflection of you and does not accept special needs people. Today I found out that my church does not really believe or practice biblical restoration of relationships and will not ever as they refuse to allow me to have restoration with my pastor. Today I found out that the past 7-9 months have essentially been a waste of time, energy and effort as today I found out that no matter what I do and no matter how hard I try, I will NEVER be accepted there and the very people who called themselves a team are not going to help any. Today I have evidence of betrayal. Today I have seen that I cannot trust anyone, not even You. Today what was left of my already broken and fragile heart shattered completely and finally. I tried. I failed. IF the intent of the people calling themselves a team was to PUSH me FURTHER AWAY FROM You, then they have succeeded. I'm sorry God. I tried.
Sincerely,
SES

If Churches Are Reflections of God...

If churches are reflections of God and decide to pick and choose the parts of the Bible that it will follow and the parts that it will not follow, what does this say about what God will do in terms of whether or not he will keep His word?

If churches are reflections of God and choose not to honor Jesus by including people with special needs in their community, their worship, service (volunteering), and other activities, what does this say about whether or not God will truly accept the people with special needs?

If churches are reflections of God and exclude people, regardless of whether the person has special needs or not, what does this say about God?

If churches are reflections of God, they have a long way to go to PROVE that God can be trusted!