Asperger's and Autism

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I Wish I Was Normal!

It's sad when a church causes someone to feel so hurt that they would speak those words. It's the biggest insult to God.

But sadly, the document they have me was deemed as abusive, discriminating, and bullying.

So now what? I can't stay because I'll be excluded. But I don't want to lose my friends.

I'm not safe where I am now. I never will be until they start practicing Matthew 25.

What they did is wrong. They hurt me and hurt my relationships because of that one document.

"Flagrant disregard for the peace and purity of the church." Because I consulted experts to try to protect everyone from implications caused by the document. But yet they did the same thing to me spreading word about me against me.

I'm being excluded because I have autism.

I'm afraid. Afraid to lose my friends but more afraid to stay. Staying means excluded. Going means I lose my friends.

I'm confused. And I'm hurt.

Dear God, I'm sorry You made me the way You did. I wish I was normal. Because maybe then I wouldn't be excluded. I'm sorry for insulting You. Please forgive me. Amen.

"Whatever you do to the least of these, you do to Me." - Be careful when looking for churches.

OMPC is not safe for people or families with individuals who have special needs and never will be. They have chosen to exclude them rather than to actually mainstream them. I know. Because ever since they paid for me to get tested and the diagnosis for autism came back, they have worked harder to exclude me citing the autism as an excuse than they have to include me. Acceptance? Not there. Love? Not there. Grace? Not there. Jesus? Not there. For in their excluding a person with special needs, they have excluded Jesus. And now they have caused me to lose my autism therapy with the only person in the Birmingham area that I have found so far that was actually willing to work with me. As a result, they have cost me my chances of success with Voc Rehab and of ever being able to get a job. And pushed me further from God. And as to my mother who may not even be a Christian? Forget it. Any chance there might have been is now gone because she has endured months of agony and anguish with me as a result of what they have done. They blocked any chance of restoration with the person who actually initiated any and all of the conflict(s) that involved me - the New Testament says we are to seek full restoration. As to church discipline? They won't do it because they don't think I can handle it. My spirit is too fragile is what I was told at one point. Then I was told they can't do it because I wouldn't be able to understand it and that because I have autism, they cannot expect me to be able to do what the non-autistic person/adult can do. Okay. Well, then, explain why they have continually added MORE restrictions when they already KNOW that I can't even handle the ones already in place? But because of what just happened and the fact that they have caused the loss of the therapy, I have had to take action that I did not ever want to have to take. Because that went too far. They asked for it. It is not that I am unable to do it, but because of them, I will never be able to do it. I'm pretty sure that it would be a safe bet that they intentionally did this in order to have yet another excuse to continue to exclude me. So if you are reading this and you have someone close to you who has special needs and you are looking for a good church that will accept you and your loved one, do not go to OMPC. Or you might end up eventually going through what I am now. And that would not be good. Safety? Never going to be there if you have special needs. Peace? They took the same vows. They caused this to happen. And some of them are the leaders themselves. UGH!!

God's Plan or Mine?

Haha. I did not ask for what has happened lately. I am now back in physical therapy along with autism therapy among other things. We are still tricking my immune system through allergy shots that I now have to get every week without fail. But my left hip/pelvic joint came out of place and has thrown my bad knee and leg for a loop. And to top that, my right wrist, my dominant hand, is being ornery. Haha. I always wanted to practice more with my left hand so I can write with it almost as legibly. Guess what? I now have to. As for the autism, I wish people would stop using it as an excuse to exclude me from being involved with activities and things. Hello! Autism doesn't keep me from being able to do anything. Ignorance and lack of understanding or refusing to learn about it which leads to fear does. You know where I am now in the journey of the diagnosis? Embracing everything. I am not afraid of living life. I am not afraid of being with people. Yes, it presents challenges, but the challenges only get harder the more others exclude me. Autism has no physical signs. It is not contagious. So don't treat me like I am something to be feared. I want what everyone wants. I want to be loved and accepted. Not forced to conform to everyone else, the so-called normal people, but loved and accepted for me, as one of God's uniquely gifted people able to serve in the church, the community, the world. I'm not being rude, self-centered, or indignant if I don't look at you when you talk to me. I can't look at you and communicate because it hurts. Case in point, I am a personal story now. 3D films are bad. They have too much sensory stimulus. I have sensory and texture issues. I love music but at church it gets too loud and I feel the vibrations more than I hear the sound. It bothers me. I went to the Belk store at the Summit. I nearly fell out. The upper floor was too much stimulus. I can't stand scratchy material. It is like kryptoite. Cooked vegetables? Not happening. They tend to be too slimy. I can't do a lot of cooking because of texture issues. I didn't plan any of this. God did. For some reason, He CHOSE me to have autism, ADHD, and everything else I have. Maybe He chose me to teach others about people like myself. Maybe He put me at the church where I am now to right the wrong that churches commit when it comes to people who have special needs like me. Maybe He wants churches to open their eyes and to truly see Him through me and others like me. They don't call us PURE for nothing. Fresh honesty. Fresh joy. Fresh love. Uninhibited by fear and anxiety. Uninhibited because we have a different point of view. Autism. Two worlds collide. The personal world and the outer people world. I have a friend. She waltzed into my life and it left me vulnerable to having others enter in as well. Now I am losing my friend. And I am shaken. You see, this summer, God took a pastor and brought some new person in that I haven't even met yet in at the same time. Everyone says pastor will come back but I am worried. What if he doesn't or can't? Three months is forever! But he's not back and I am losing one of the only constants I have had most of the summer! I lost it. I tried to get control. In doing so, I fought and I tried to push people away. So much for that. That was even more scary! So for now, God's plan or mine? Not mine, but not quite His either. Not yet anyway. For now, God sits beside me and guides me, but I'm not ready to let Him have full control. I'm still too scared. Anyway, if anyone from my team stumbles on this, that's what my thoughts are right now and I invite you wholeheartedly to come and take my hands and walk with me as little by little, I start to let go and let God.

An Open Letter

Dear God,
Today I found out that the very people who were supposed to be "caring" for me and "loving me well" during the past 7-9 months really have been doing nothing but double talk. They have said one thing yet done another. Today I found out that my church will never truly be a church because it will never honor all of Your words. Today I found out that You don't really accept special needs people because the church is supposed to be a reflection of you and does not accept special needs people. Today I found out that my church does not really believe or practice biblical restoration of relationships and will not ever as they refuse to allow me to have restoration with my pastor. Today I found out that the past 7-9 months have essentially been a waste of time, energy and effort as today I found out that no matter what I do and no matter how hard I try, I will NEVER be accepted there and the very people who called themselves a team are not going to help any. Today I have evidence of betrayal. Today I have seen that I cannot trust anyone, not even You. Today what was left of my already broken and fragile heart shattered completely and finally. I tried. I failed. IF the intent of the people calling themselves a team was to PUSH me FURTHER AWAY FROM You, then they have succeeded. I'm sorry God. I tried.
Sincerely,
SES

If Churches Are Reflections of God...

If churches are reflections of God and decide to pick and choose the parts of the Bible that it will follow and the parts that it will not follow, what does this say about what God will do in terms of whether or not he will keep His word?

If churches are reflections of God and choose not to honor Jesus by including people with special needs in their community, their worship, service (volunteering), and other activities, what does this say about whether or not God will truly accept the people with special needs?

If churches are reflections of God and exclude people, regardless of whether the person has special needs or not, what does this say about God?

If churches are reflections of God, they have a long way to go to PROVE that God can be trusted!

Who Is Your Neighbor in a Broken World?

I was going to write this on my general topic blog, but then decided that it would probably fit better on this blog because as a fairly new believer, I'm actually thinking that this particular topic is better suited over here because it addresses social issues that the churches might need to investigate further and act upon. Church,  stand up and fight!

You see, I'm confused.

President Obama recently announced his support of same-sex "marriages." Now the media has had a field day questioning if he is gay. Hmmm....

In local Alabama news, a girl who is gay claimed she was excluded from a senior class composite and yearbook for being gay.

Evidence that President Obama cannot be gay? For one thing, he IS married to a woman and has two daughters. For the entire time that he has been in office, he has been the subject of harsh criticism. Come on people, he got into office at the start of a recession that was actually beginning before President Clinton got out of office. President Bush the second got all the blame for it. President Bush the second got us engaged in a war that we really did not need to be involved with while also engaging in a war that we did need to be involved with. President Bush never proactively did anything about our failing healthcare system in which insurance companies profit from underinsured individuals and raise premiums because hospitals are not getting the money owed to them by individuals who are rich enough to pay for their own healthcare but manage to get out of it because they do not have insurance and also because of people living in America illegally living off of slave wages taking the jobs that American citizens need. Do you know who paid for that $40,000 appendectomy? An underinsured individual who not only paid for his/her own medical care, but also the care of the uninsured.

President Obama took a Republican concept for reforming health insurance and got it passed and signed into effect. He has received nothing but criticism for it. Republicans now claim it is illegal to mandate that individuals get insurance. Why? Isn't theft also illegal because as it stands now, all the uninsured people out there stole thousands of dollars from me and my health care and I am underinsured (meaning my insurance pays for the necessary things, but does not include dental or the speech and occupational therapies I need for my autism). And if it's illegal to mandate individual health insurance, then isn't also illegal to mandate individual drivers carry car insurance? Also, if you are reading this and you are a healthy uninsured individual, what are the reasons for you not having health insurance? Do you not value your health and your life? You don't buy car insurance AFTER having a car accident or house insurance AFTER having a tornado take your house, do you? You buy it BEFORE there's an incident. A car and a house can be replaced, but if you become sick with cancer, you may not be able to get health insurance to get the treatments you need to survive and you might end up dying. Not that cancer might not take your life anyway, but do you understand what's at stake?

President Obama gave in to societal pressure on the issue of same-sex marriage. Does this make him any less of a good presidential candidate? No. I plan to vote for him because he was proactive in the health care reform which now lets me go to my women's doctor for a yearly checkup at no charge because it's preventive care. Men had the ability to do that for their prostates long before women could and really there's no difference in what is being checked for: CANCER.

Do I support his stance? No. Because as I understand what I've been taught in my theology classes and at church, marriage is between one man and one woman and is supposed to be for life. It's a covenantal thing that was established at creation. Adam and Eve. Covenant. The two were created to be helpmates for each other. Not one inferior to the other, but equal partners. But men are supposed to be like Christ and take the lead when it comes to church attendance. And women are supposed to submit to their husbands as they would to Christ. Don't ask me to explain that one because I honestly still don't get it except that women were created smaller than men and physiological different.

The thing is that now there are even some churches that support same-sex unions as well. As much as I will refuse to condemn any church that does this or any individual that chooses this lifestyle, I also will not condone it. I will not condone it because God called it sin in black-and-white in the Bible. But I will not condemn it because God is the only one who can do that.

The facts that were presented in the local news about the girl being left out of the senior composite. From the school's stance they told her she was supposed to wear a "drape" like all the other girls. They told her again after she chose to wear a tuxedo instead. She chose not to. Basically, if that's what was stated, then that's the rule that was presented and because she broke the rule, she is dealing with the consequences. Her stance, they left her out because she's gay. Hmm.... Does that mean that gay people are exempt from rules? Because IF in fact what the school claims is true, forget her sexuality, she broke the rules. Rules are rules.

Rules are rules. Problem there. You have some individuals, even with high functioning, who are special needs and may not always get the rules. Are the rules explicitly worded so there is no room for any loopholes? Are the rules actually even realistic? And if you're saying that the person can do what EVERYONE ELSE does or that they can have the SAME ACCESS that EVERYONE ELSE has yet you are making rules that forbid that person from actually having that, then are you really being fair when what you are saying the person can do or have is not what is happening?

Special needs. Special needs are in your churches people! Open your eyes! You may not SEE it. But listen. Look and learn. Some disabilities are hidden. Do you have a person in your church who seems "defiant" or "impatient" or "impulsive?" They may seem that way, but they may have autism or ADHD. What are you, the church, doing to INCLUDE these people? Are you doing anything? Do you understand that EVERYONE has gifts that God gave them to use for Him in the church? God doesn't see a person with autism. He sees a person that He created in His image. Why are you not including him/her when God does?