Dear God,
Today I found out that the very people who were supposed to be "caring" for me and "loving me well" during the past 7-9 months really have been doing nothing but double talk. They have said one thing yet done another. Today I found out that my church will never truly be a church because it will never honor all of Your words. Today I found out that You don't really accept special needs people because the church is supposed to be a reflection of you and does not accept special needs people. Today I found out that my church does not really believe or practice biblical restoration of relationships and will not ever as they refuse to allow me to have restoration with my pastor. Today I found out that the past 7-9 months have essentially been a waste of time, energy and effort as today I found out that no matter what I do and no matter how hard I try, I will NEVER be accepted there and the very people who called themselves a team are not going to help any. Today I have evidence of betrayal. Today I have seen that I cannot trust anyone, not even You. Today what was left of my already broken and fragile heart shattered completely and finally. I tried. I failed. IF the intent of the people calling themselves a team was to PUSH me FURTHER AWAY FROM You, then they have succeeded. I'm sorry God. I tried.
Sincerely,
SES
Friday, June 22, 2012
If Churches Are Reflections of God...
If churches are reflections of God and decide to pick and choose the parts of the Bible that it will follow and the parts that it will not follow, what does this say about what God will do in terms of whether or not he will keep His word?
If churches are reflections of God and choose not to honor Jesus by including people with special needs in their community, their worship, service (volunteering), and other activities, what does this say about whether or not God will truly accept the people with special needs?
If churches are reflections of God and exclude people, regardless of whether the person has special needs or not, what does this say about God?
If churches are reflections of God, they have a long way to go to PROVE that God can be trusted!
If churches are reflections of God and choose not to honor Jesus by including people with special needs in their community, their worship, service (volunteering), and other activities, what does this say about whether or not God will truly accept the people with special needs?
If churches are reflections of God and exclude people, regardless of whether the person has special needs or not, what does this say about God?
If churches are reflections of God, they have a long way to go to PROVE that God can be trusted!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Who Is Your Neighbor in a Broken World?
I was going to write this on my general topic blog, but then decided that it would probably fit better on this blog because as a fairly new believer, I'm actually thinking that this particular topic is better suited over here because it addresses social issues that the churches might need to investigate further and act upon. Church, stand up and fight!
You see, I'm confused.
President Obama recently announced his support of same-sex "marriages." Now the media has had a field day questioning if he is gay. Hmmm....
In local Alabama news, a girl who is gay claimed she was excluded from a senior class composite and yearbook for being gay.
Evidence that President Obama cannot be gay? For one thing, he IS married to a woman and has two daughters. For the entire time that he has been in office, he has been the subject of harsh criticism. Come on people, he got into office at the start of a recession that was actually beginning before President Clinton got out of office. President Bush the second got all the blame for it. President Bush the second got us engaged in a war that we really did not need to be involved with while also engaging in a war that we did need to be involved with. President Bush never proactively did anything about our failing healthcare system in which insurance companies profit from underinsured individuals and raise premiums because hospitals are not getting the money owed to them by individuals who are rich enough to pay for their own healthcare but manage to get out of it because they do not have insurance and also because of people living in America illegally living off of slave wages taking the jobs that American citizens need. Do you know who paid for that $40,000 appendectomy? An underinsured individual who not only paid for his/her own medical care, but also the care of the uninsured.
President Obama took a Republican concept for reforming health insurance and got it passed and signed into effect. He has received nothing but criticism for it. Republicans now claim it is illegal to mandate that individuals get insurance. Why? Isn't theft also illegal because as it stands now, all the uninsured people out there stole thousands of dollars from me and my health care and I am underinsured (meaning my insurance pays for the necessary things, but does not include dental or the speech and occupational therapies I need for my autism). And if it's illegal to mandate individual health insurance, then isn't also illegal to mandate individual drivers carry car insurance? Also, if you are reading this and you are a healthy uninsured individual, what are the reasons for you not having health insurance? Do you not value your health and your life? You don't buy car insurance AFTER having a car accident or house insurance AFTER having a tornado take your house, do you? You buy it BEFORE there's an incident. A car and a house can be replaced, but if you become sick with cancer, you may not be able to get health insurance to get the treatments you need to survive and you might end up dying. Not that cancer might not take your life anyway, but do you understand what's at stake?
President Obama gave in to societal pressure on the issue of same-sex marriage. Does this make him any less of a good presidential candidate? No. I plan to vote for him because he was proactive in the health care reform which now lets me go to my women's doctor for a yearly checkup at no charge because it's preventive care. Men had the ability to do that for their prostates long before women could and really there's no difference in what is being checked for: CANCER.
Do I support his stance? No. Because as I understand what I've been taught in my theology classes and at church, marriage is between one man and one woman and is supposed to be for life. It's a covenantal thing that was established at creation. Adam and Eve. Covenant. The two were created to be helpmates for each other. Not one inferior to the other, but equal partners. But men are supposed to be like Christ and take the lead when it comes to church attendance. And women are supposed to submit to their husbands as they would to Christ. Don't ask me to explain that one because I honestly still don't get it except that women were created smaller than men and physiological different.
The thing is that now there are even some churches that support same-sex unions as well. As much as I will refuse to condemn any church that does this or any individual that chooses this lifestyle, I also will not condone it. I will not condone it because God called it sin in black-and-white in the Bible. But I will not condemn it because God is the only one who can do that.
The facts that were presented in the local news about the girl being left out of the senior composite. From the school's stance they told her she was supposed to wear a "drape" like all the other girls. They told her again after she chose to wear a tuxedo instead. She chose not to. Basically, if that's what was stated, then that's the rule that was presented and because she broke the rule, she is dealing with the consequences. Her stance, they left her out because she's gay. Hmm.... Does that mean that gay people are exempt from rules? Because IF in fact what the school claims is true, forget her sexuality, she broke the rules. Rules are rules.
Rules are rules. Problem there. You have some individuals, even with high functioning, who are special needs and may not always get the rules. Are the rules explicitly worded so there is no room for any loopholes? Are the rules actually even realistic? And if you're saying that the person can do what EVERYONE ELSE does or that they can have the SAME ACCESS that EVERYONE ELSE has yet you are making rules that forbid that person from actually having that, then are you really being fair when what you are saying the person can do or have is not what is happening?
Special needs. Special needs are in your churches people! Open your eyes! You may not SEE it. But listen. Look and learn. Some disabilities are hidden. Do you have a person in your church who seems "defiant" or "impatient" or "impulsive?" They may seem that way, but they may have autism or ADHD. What are you, the church, doing to INCLUDE these people? Are you doing anything? Do you understand that EVERYONE has gifts that God gave them to use for Him in the church? God doesn't see a person with autism. He sees a person that He created in His image. Why are you not including him/her when God does?
You see, I'm confused.
President Obama recently announced his support of same-sex "marriages." Now the media has had a field day questioning if he is gay. Hmmm....
In local Alabama news, a girl who is gay claimed she was excluded from a senior class composite and yearbook for being gay.
Evidence that President Obama cannot be gay? For one thing, he IS married to a woman and has two daughters. For the entire time that he has been in office, he has been the subject of harsh criticism. Come on people, he got into office at the start of a recession that was actually beginning before President Clinton got out of office. President Bush the second got all the blame for it. President Bush the second got us engaged in a war that we really did not need to be involved with while also engaging in a war that we did need to be involved with. President Bush never proactively did anything about our failing healthcare system in which insurance companies profit from underinsured individuals and raise premiums because hospitals are not getting the money owed to them by individuals who are rich enough to pay for their own healthcare but manage to get out of it because they do not have insurance and also because of people living in America illegally living off of slave wages taking the jobs that American citizens need. Do you know who paid for that $40,000 appendectomy? An underinsured individual who not only paid for his/her own medical care, but also the care of the uninsured.
President Obama took a Republican concept for reforming health insurance and got it passed and signed into effect. He has received nothing but criticism for it. Republicans now claim it is illegal to mandate that individuals get insurance. Why? Isn't theft also illegal because as it stands now, all the uninsured people out there stole thousands of dollars from me and my health care and I am underinsured (meaning my insurance pays for the necessary things, but does not include dental or the speech and occupational therapies I need for my autism). And if it's illegal to mandate individual health insurance, then isn't also illegal to mandate individual drivers carry car insurance? Also, if you are reading this and you are a healthy uninsured individual, what are the reasons for you not having health insurance? Do you not value your health and your life? You don't buy car insurance AFTER having a car accident or house insurance AFTER having a tornado take your house, do you? You buy it BEFORE there's an incident. A car and a house can be replaced, but if you become sick with cancer, you may not be able to get health insurance to get the treatments you need to survive and you might end up dying. Not that cancer might not take your life anyway, but do you understand what's at stake?
President Obama gave in to societal pressure on the issue of same-sex marriage. Does this make him any less of a good presidential candidate? No. I plan to vote for him because he was proactive in the health care reform which now lets me go to my women's doctor for a yearly checkup at no charge because it's preventive care. Men had the ability to do that for their prostates long before women could and really there's no difference in what is being checked for: CANCER.
Do I support his stance? No. Because as I understand what I've been taught in my theology classes and at church, marriage is between one man and one woman and is supposed to be for life. It's a covenantal thing that was established at creation. Adam and Eve. Covenant. The two were created to be helpmates for each other. Not one inferior to the other, but equal partners. But men are supposed to be like Christ and take the lead when it comes to church attendance. And women are supposed to submit to their husbands as they would to Christ. Don't ask me to explain that one because I honestly still don't get it except that women were created smaller than men and physiological different.
The thing is that now there are even some churches that support same-sex unions as well. As much as I will refuse to condemn any church that does this or any individual that chooses this lifestyle, I also will not condone it. I will not condone it because God called it sin in black-and-white in the Bible. But I will not condemn it because God is the only one who can do that.
The facts that were presented in the local news about the girl being left out of the senior composite. From the school's stance they told her she was supposed to wear a "drape" like all the other girls. They told her again after she chose to wear a tuxedo instead. She chose not to. Basically, if that's what was stated, then that's the rule that was presented and because she broke the rule, she is dealing with the consequences. Her stance, they left her out because she's gay. Hmm.... Does that mean that gay people are exempt from rules? Because IF in fact what the school claims is true, forget her sexuality, she broke the rules. Rules are rules.
Rules are rules. Problem there. You have some individuals, even with high functioning, who are special needs and may not always get the rules. Are the rules explicitly worded so there is no room for any loopholes? Are the rules actually even realistic? And if you're saying that the person can do what EVERYONE ELSE does or that they can have the SAME ACCESS that EVERYONE ELSE has yet you are making rules that forbid that person from actually having that, then are you really being fair when what you are saying the person can do or have is not what is happening?
Special needs. Special needs are in your churches people! Open your eyes! You may not SEE it. But listen. Look and learn. Some disabilities are hidden. Do you have a person in your church who seems "defiant" or "impatient" or "impulsive?" They may seem that way, but they may have autism or ADHD. What are you, the church, doing to INCLUDE these people? Are you doing anything? Do you understand that EVERYONE has gifts that God gave them to use for Him in the church? God doesn't see a person with autism. He sees a person that He created in His image. Why are you not including him/her when God does?
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
His Story My Story My Story His Story
This past fall and winter/spring terms, the women's Bible study at my church has been one of unity in large group and intimacy in small groups. During the fall, we studied who God is and what God is like through a super fast paced study of the Bible from Genesis to Revelation. During the winter/spring, we began to delve more into our personal stories and learning how to REALLY LISTEN to each other. This is MY story. His story through my life and experiences.
So the BIG day came today. It was my turn to share. Only one problem. It meant communication. Communication that was not necessarily a form that I was comfortable with or ready for. I already felt the pressure of having a harder life in my short lifespan and feeling a little envious of everyone else. I had even thought in the past week that I did not even want to try to share. What could I say? How could I say it? What if it's too hard? What if it's too much? How do I tell my story without feeling unsafe?
So this past weekend, I finally landed on a solution. I hear God in music and in nature. The babbling of a creek in a park. Songs. So what if I could find a way to use that to my advantage. Use songs to help tell my story. I would still tell my story, but I would use the songs to help me communicate in a way that would feel safe for me. That way, I could just explain why those songs told my story.
So that's exactly what I did. This is my story. My story through songs. God's story through my life as told through songs.
The songs I chose that best fit my life are: "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North, "Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns, "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North, "Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North, "Move" by NewSong and "Get Back Up" by TobyMac.
I had some help finding scriptures to go with the songs. And I will admit, in some ways, I may have "cheated," but you know what? I was able to communicate just enough with the help of the songs. I was not trying to wimp out by using songs to help me tell my story. Nope. Wimping out would have been to back out entirely. But instead of backing out entirely, I took the creative approach to overcome my verbal communication challenges and tell my story.
So here is my story. Grant it, a small part of my story, but still my story. My part of God's bigger story.
"You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North
There's a girl in the corner with tear stains on her eyes/From the places she's wandered and the shame she can't hide/She says, "How did I get here? I'm not who i once was./And I'm crippled by the fear that I've fallen too far to love."
(Bridge)
But don't you know who you are,/What has been done for you?/Yeah don't you know who you are?
(Chorus)
You are more than the choices that you've made/You are more than the sum of your past mistakes/You are more than the problems you create/You've been remade
Well she tries to believe it that she's been given new life/But she can't shake the feeling that it's not true tonight/She knows all the answers and she's rehearsed all the lines/So she'll try to do better but then she's too weak to try
Bridge
Chorus
'Cause this is not about what you've done/But what's been done for you/This is not about where you've been/But where your brokenness brings you to/This is not about what you feel but He felt to forgive you/And what He felt to make you new
II Corinthians 5:17 (ESV) "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."
To me, this song mirrors the very things that I feel and have felt on a frequent basis as I went through abuse at home and bullying at school. I did not have a safe place growing up. A lot of times when a child grows up in an abusive home, there is a lot of shame. The child sometimes has the distorted view that somehow he/she did something to deserve that treatment. But that is just not true.
"Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns
I was sure by now God you would have reached down/And wiped our tears away,/Stepped in and saved the day./But once again, I say amen/And it's still raining/As the thunder rolls/I barely hear you whisper through the rain,/I'm with you/And as your mercy falls/I raise my hands and praise/The God who gives and takes away
(Chorus)
And I'll praise you in this storm/And I will lift my hands/That you are who you are/No matter where I am/And every tear I've cried/You hold in your hand/You never left my side/And though my heart is torn/I will praise you in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind/You heard my cry you raised me up again/My strength is almost gone how can I carry on/If I can't find you/And as the thunder rolls/I barely hear you whisper through the rain
I'm with you/And as your mercy falls/I raise my hands and praise/The God who gives and takes away
Chorus
I lift my eyes unto the hills/Where does my help come from?/My help comes from the Lord,/The maker of heaven and earth/I lift my eyes unto the hills/Where does my help come from?/My help comes from the Lord,/The maker of heaven and earth
Chorus
Revelation 7:17 (ESV) "For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
Psalm 121:1, 2 (ESV) "I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth."
In the middle of the storms that create the feelings of shame and fear, the hope is that God would intervene. And He does. It may be in unexpected ways, but eventually He always comes to the aid of His children.
"By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North
Why are you striving these days?/Why are you trying to earn grace?/Why are you crying?/Let me lift up your face/Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love?/Why are you still searching?/As if I'm not enough?/To where will you go child/Tell me where will you run?/To where will you run?
(Chorus)
I'll be by your side wherever you fall/In the dead of night whenever you call/Please don't fight these hands that are holding you/My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side/They swallowed the grave on that night/When I drank the world's sin/So I could carry you in/And give you life
(Chorus)
Here at my side wherever you fall/In the dead of night whenever you call/Please don't fight these hands that are holding you/My hands are holding you
And I, I love you/And I want you to know/That I, I'll love you/I'll never let you go
Psalm 37:24 (ESV) "though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand."
John 10:28-30 (ESV) "I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. I and the Father are one."
This song reminds me that no matter what, God is always there by my side. As a sort of defensive mechanism to the abuse and the bullying, I ended up becoming a perfectionist. Perfectionism is both a good thing and a bad thing. But being a perfectionist trying to earn grace and acceptance and love is not a good thing. Because no matter what I do, I can never earn that. Try as I might. So being able to trust that God is always there by my side is a constant struggle for me.
"Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North
So you thought you had to keep this up/All the work that you do so we think that you're good/And you can't believe it's not enough/All the walls you built up are just glass on the outside/So let them fall down/There's freedom waiting in the sound/When you let your walls fall to the ground/We're here now
(Chorus)
This is where the healing begins/This is where the healing starts/When you come to where you're broken within/The light meets the dark/The light meets the dark
Afraid to let your secrets out/Everything that you hide could come crashing through the door now/But too scared to face all your fear/So you hide but you find that the shame won't disappear/Sparks will fly as grace collides/With the dark inside of us/So please don't fight this coming light/Let this blood come cover us/His blood can cover us
Ephesians 1:7 (ESV) "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,..."
Romans 5:9 (ESV) "Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God."
In the past couple of years, I have started to see where God has begun a healing process with me as I learn more about what has really been going on with my physical health and other areas. Recently, I learned that not only do I have ADHD, but I also have autism. And I still need testing for dyslexia. But knowing is half the battle as now I can learn more about how I am impacted and learn how to overcome the challenges that are presented. I do not have a disease that needs to be cured. I have a challenge to overcome. And I can do it because God will bring me through it. And I am not to be ashamed of it because eventually it will come to surface. I do not need to be putting up facades because in doing that I am fighting against the very people who are trying to help me and I need help. I need to stop fighting God because He is on my side.
"Move" by NewSong
I'm a man in need of a miracle/But all I have is hope/God I need to see Your power fall/Like it did in the days of old/I know You're who you say you are/Cause You've proven that to me/But this time seems impossible/Won't You help my unbelief
(Chorus)
I need to see You move/I need to see Your hand/I'm trying to live by faith/I don't know if I can/But I know You've not changed/There's nothing You can't do/I've done all that I can/The rest is up to You/I need to see You move
Like Moses in the wilderness/Like Daniel when he prayed/Like Simeon in the temple/When he finally saw Your face/Lord like them I'm just a man/And I've got everything to lose/So what you did for them/Would you do for me/What I'm desperate for is You
Chorus
I'm finding out what it really means/To trust You Lord with everything/To trust You, really trust You
Chorus
Through everything that I have encountered in my life, all of the hardships and other challenges, I have often felt that I really do need that miracle but that all I have is hope. I struggle with trusting God, but I am learning just what it really means to trust Him.
"Get Back Up" by TobyMac
You turned away when I looked you in the eye/And hesitated when I asked if you were alright/Seems like you're fightin' for your life/But why, oh, why/Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare/You saw it comin' but it hit you out of nowhere/And there's always scars when you fall that far
(Chorus)
We lose our way, we get back up again/It's never too late to get back up again/And one day you gonna' shine again/You may be knocked down, but not out forever/We lose our way, we get back up again/So get up, get up, you gonna' shine again/It's never too late to get back up again/You may be knocked down, but not out forever
You rolled out of the dawning of the day/Heart racin' as you made your little get away/It feels like you been runnin' all your life/But why, oh, why/So you pull away from the love that would've been there/And start believin' that your situation's unfair/But there's always scars when you fall that far
Chorus
This is love callin', love callin'/Out to the broken this is love callin'/This is love callin', love callin'/I am so broken/This is love callin', love callin'
What this song speaks to me about is that no matter how hard I fall, I can't fall so far that God cannot help me get back up again and get back in the fight. Whether it's because of something that I have done or something that has happened to me, I can still get back up. It is a song of hope and a song of courage. And like Gomer in Hosea when we initially hid from God but God still pursued us, I need to stop fighting and allow people to love me.
All of this realization that I am now starting to be able to share comes on the tail of having done a study on some of the names of God and identifying situations in my own life where I have seen those names the most. I still struggle, particularly with God as a Father, but I am taking baby steps and reaching milestones. I need help and I am done fighting against those who are trying to help me.
And I know God was working in this because in each of the six different songs there was one recurring theme throughout all of them that tied them all together. Frankly, this whole experience sharing my story even though through a more creative and unique channel of using song to help tell it has been very life affirming and confirming. And that's a good thing.
So the BIG day came today. It was my turn to share. Only one problem. It meant communication. Communication that was not necessarily a form that I was comfortable with or ready for. I already felt the pressure of having a harder life in my short lifespan and feeling a little envious of everyone else. I had even thought in the past week that I did not even want to try to share. What could I say? How could I say it? What if it's too hard? What if it's too much? How do I tell my story without feeling unsafe?
So this past weekend, I finally landed on a solution. I hear God in music and in nature. The babbling of a creek in a park. Songs. So what if I could find a way to use that to my advantage. Use songs to help tell my story. I would still tell my story, but I would use the songs to help me communicate in a way that would feel safe for me. That way, I could just explain why those songs told my story.
So that's exactly what I did. This is my story. My story through songs. God's story through my life as told through songs.
The songs I chose that best fit my life are: "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North, "Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns, "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North, "Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North, "Move" by NewSong and "Get Back Up" by TobyMac.
I had some help finding scriptures to go with the songs. And I will admit, in some ways, I may have "cheated," but you know what? I was able to communicate just enough with the help of the songs. I was not trying to wimp out by using songs to help me tell my story. Nope. Wimping out would have been to back out entirely. But instead of backing out entirely, I took the creative approach to overcome my verbal communication challenges and tell my story.
So here is my story. Grant it, a small part of my story, but still my story. My part of God's bigger story.
"You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North
There's a girl in the corner with tear stains on her eyes/From the places she's wandered and the shame she can't hide/She says, "How did I get here? I'm not who i once was./And I'm crippled by the fear that I've fallen too far to love."
(Bridge)
But don't you know who you are,/What has been done for you?/Yeah don't you know who you are?
(Chorus)
You are more than the choices that you've made/You are more than the sum of your past mistakes/You are more than the problems you create/You've been remade
Well she tries to believe it that she's been given new life/But she can't shake the feeling that it's not true tonight/She knows all the answers and she's rehearsed all the lines/So she'll try to do better but then she's too weak to try
Bridge
Chorus
'Cause this is not about what you've done/But what's been done for you/This is not about where you've been/But where your brokenness brings you to/This is not about what you feel but He felt to forgive you/And what He felt to make you new
II Corinthians 5:17 (ESV) "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."
To me, this song mirrors the very things that I feel and have felt on a frequent basis as I went through abuse at home and bullying at school. I did not have a safe place growing up. A lot of times when a child grows up in an abusive home, there is a lot of shame. The child sometimes has the distorted view that somehow he/she did something to deserve that treatment. But that is just not true.
"Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns
I was sure by now God you would have reached down/And wiped our tears away,/Stepped in and saved the day./But once again, I say amen/And it's still raining/As the thunder rolls/I barely hear you whisper through the rain,/I'm with you/And as your mercy falls/I raise my hands and praise/The God who gives and takes away
(Chorus)
And I'll praise you in this storm/And I will lift my hands/That you are who you are/No matter where I am/And every tear I've cried/You hold in your hand/You never left my side/And though my heart is torn/I will praise you in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind/You heard my cry you raised me up again/My strength is almost gone how can I carry on/If I can't find you/And as the thunder rolls/I barely hear you whisper through the rain
I'm with you/And as your mercy falls/I raise my hands and praise/The God who gives and takes away
Chorus
I lift my eyes unto the hills/Where does my help come from?/My help comes from the Lord,/The maker of heaven and earth/I lift my eyes unto the hills/Where does my help come from?/My help comes from the Lord,/The maker of heaven and earth
Chorus
Revelation 7:17 (ESV) "For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
Psalm 121:1, 2 (ESV) "I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth."
In the middle of the storms that create the feelings of shame and fear, the hope is that God would intervene. And He does. It may be in unexpected ways, but eventually He always comes to the aid of His children.
"By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North
Why are you striving these days?/Why are you trying to earn grace?/Why are you crying?/Let me lift up your face/Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love?/Why are you still searching?/As if I'm not enough?/To where will you go child/Tell me where will you run?/To where will you run?
(Chorus)
I'll be by your side wherever you fall/In the dead of night whenever you call/Please don't fight these hands that are holding you/My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side/They swallowed the grave on that night/When I drank the world's sin/So I could carry you in/And give you life
(Chorus)
Here at my side wherever you fall/In the dead of night whenever you call/Please don't fight these hands that are holding you/My hands are holding you
And I, I love you/And I want you to know/That I, I'll love you/I'll never let you go
Psalm 37:24 (ESV) "though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand."
John 10:28-30 (ESV) "I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. I and the Father are one."
This song reminds me that no matter what, God is always there by my side. As a sort of defensive mechanism to the abuse and the bullying, I ended up becoming a perfectionist. Perfectionism is both a good thing and a bad thing. But being a perfectionist trying to earn grace and acceptance and love is not a good thing. Because no matter what I do, I can never earn that. Try as I might. So being able to trust that God is always there by my side is a constant struggle for me.
"Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North
So you thought you had to keep this up/All the work that you do so we think that you're good/And you can't believe it's not enough/All the walls you built up are just glass on the outside/So let them fall down/There's freedom waiting in the sound/When you let your walls fall to the ground/We're here now
(Chorus)
This is where the healing begins/This is where the healing starts/When you come to where you're broken within/The light meets the dark/The light meets the dark
Afraid to let your secrets out/Everything that you hide could come crashing through the door now/But too scared to face all your fear/So you hide but you find that the shame won't disappear/Sparks will fly as grace collides/With the dark inside of us/So please don't fight this coming light/Let this blood come cover us/His blood can cover us
Ephesians 1:7 (ESV) "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,..."
Romans 5:9 (ESV) "Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God."
In the past couple of years, I have started to see where God has begun a healing process with me as I learn more about what has really been going on with my physical health and other areas. Recently, I learned that not only do I have ADHD, but I also have autism. And I still need testing for dyslexia. But knowing is half the battle as now I can learn more about how I am impacted and learn how to overcome the challenges that are presented. I do not have a disease that needs to be cured. I have a challenge to overcome. And I can do it because God will bring me through it. And I am not to be ashamed of it because eventually it will come to surface. I do not need to be putting up facades because in doing that I am fighting against the very people who are trying to help me and I need help. I need to stop fighting God because He is on my side.
"Move" by NewSong
I'm a man in need of a miracle/But all I have is hope/God I need to see Your power fall/Like it did in the days of old/I know You're who you say you are/Cause You've proven that to me/But this time seems impossible/Won't You help my unbelief
(Chorus)
I need to see You move/I need to see Your hand/I'm trying to live by faith/I don't know if I can/But I know You've not changed/There's nothing You can't do/I've done all that I can/The rest is up to You/I need to see You move
Like Moses in the wilderness/Like Daniel when he prayed/Like Simeon in the temple/When he finally saw Your face/Lord like them I'm just a man/And I've got everything to lose/So what you did for them/Would you do for me/What I'm desperate for is You
Chorus
I'm finding out what it really means/To trust You Lord with everything/To trust You, really trust You
Chorus
Through everything that I have encountered in my life, all of the hardships and other challenges, I have often felt that I really do need that miracle but that all I have is hope. I struggle with trusting God, but I am learning just what it really means to trust Him.
"Get Back Up" by TobyMac
You turned away when I looked you in the eye/And hesitated when I asked if you were alright/Seems like you're fightin' for your life/But why, oh, why/Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare/You saw it comin' but it hit you out of nowhere/And there's always scars when you fall that far
(Chorus)
We lose our way, we get back up again/It's never too late to get back up again/And one day you gonna' shine again/You may be knocked down, but not out forever/We lose our way, we get back up again/So get up, get up, you gonna' shine again/It's never too late to get back up again/You may be knocked down, but not out forever
You rolled out of the dawning of the day/Heart racin' as you made your little get away/It feels like you been runnin' all your life/But why, oh, why/So you pull away from the love that would've been there/And start believin' that your situation's unfair/But there's always scars when you fall that far
Chorus
This is love callin', love callin'/Out to the broken this is love callin'/This is love callin', love callin'/I am so broken/This is love callin', love callin'
What this song speaks to me about is that no matter how hard I fall, I can't fall so far that God cannot help me get back up again and get back in the fight. Whether it's because of something that I have done or something that has happened to me, I can still get back up. It is a song of hope and a song of courage. And like Gomer in Hosea when we initially hid from God but God still pursued us, I need to stop fighting and allow people to love me.
All of this realization that I am now starting to be able to share comes on the tail of having done a study on some of the names of God and identifying situations in my own life where I have seen those names the most. I still struggle, particularly with God as a Father, but I am taking baby steps and reaching milestones. I need help and I am done fighting against those who are trying to help me.
And I know God was working in this because in each of the six different songs there was one recurring theme throughout all of them that tied them all together. Frankly, this whole experience sharing my story even though through a more creative and unique channel of using song to help tell it has been very life affirming and confirming. And that's a good thing.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Contemporary Christian Music, a.k.a., Ay Ay Ay! Apparently Confusion Runs Amok Even in "Christian" Circles.
My head is spinning right now. I decided to Google the lyrics of "One World" sung by TobyMac. Little did I know that right on page one of the results would I find a blog post asserting that TobyMac and DCTalk "sing the devil's music in the name of Jesus." ?????!!!!!????? Yep! So I looked because I was curious. Yeah. The writer of that post, well, let's just say that from what I have been taught, there is NO passage of Scripture that says that a Christian can't use the rhythm and style of hip hop, rap, country, rock, etc. to glorify God and spread the message of the Gospel. Is there really a such thing as "the devil's music?" Can't prove it by me. What makes music right or wrong when it comes to the controversy of that old and stiff Southern Gospel (no offense, I'm only 33 and most of the Southern Gospel was written BEFORE I was born) and CCM?
Music, in itself, is not good or bad. God created us to sing and dance for Him. Rap is not good or bad. Where you have to ask about the quality is what is the message? IF a Christian is using his words to glorify God, encourage others, edify the church and speak the truth in love, then regardless of the music style, it is good. However, if the lyrics tear people down (race and gender included), curse God, and promote violence and hatred, then it is bad. It's not the music; it's the lyrics. So, here's my stance: Give me my TobyMac music. His music, his lyrics have helped me through some tough times of late. Between him and Casting Crowns and Tenth Avenue North, I have been able to find God. Am I where I want to be yet? No. But I thank God that there have been some people whose music has reached through my bubble and brought me back up for air.
On another note, the aforementioned post writer has apparently been a subject of controversy over some things he has apparently done. And, well, he has no way to contact him as he claims he has health issues such to the extent that he cannot read or answer e-mails. Hmmm.... No offense, but sounds fishy to me.
Secretly I kind of hope that TobyMac sues that man for defamation. Basically calling Toby the devil. Really?
Okay, I am going to go sleep over my topic of my first piece of writing that is not going to be written for publication. I might blog about what I learn along the way. God's great name/names of God. I can start it officially after the Gluten Free Expo this Saturday. Praying for good weather, more volunteers and that plenty of doctors and nurses attend.
Music, in itself, is not good or bad. God created us to sing and dance for Him. Rap is not good or bad. Where you have to ask about the quality is what is the message? IF a Christian is using his words to glorify God, encourage others, edify the church and speak the truth in love, then regardless of the music style, it is good. However, if the lyrics tear people down (race and gender included), curse God, and promote violence and hatred, then it is bad. It's not the music; it's the lyrics. So, here's my stance: Give me my TobyMac music. His music, his lyrics have helped me through some tough times of late. Between him and Casting Crowns and Tenth Avenue North, I have been able to find God. Am I where I want to be yet? No. But I thank God that there have been some people whose music has reached through my bubble and brought me back up for air.
On another note, the aforementioned post writer has apparently been a subject of controversy over some things he has apparently done. And, well, he has no way to contact him as he claims he has health issues such to the extent that he cannot read or answer e-mails. Hmmm.... No offense, but sounds fishy to me.
Secretly I kind of hope that TobyMac sues that man for defamation. Basically calling Toby the devil. Really?
Okay, I am going to go sleep over my topic of my first piece of writing that is not going to be written for publication. I might blog about what I learn along the way. God's great name/names of God. I can start it officially after the Gluten Free Expo this Saturday. Praying for good weather, more volunteers and that plenty of doctors and nurses attend.
Monday, February 20, 2012
WHY Are There So Many Versions and Translations of the Bible?
So a Facebook debate ensued when a friend of mine posted a question on a good version (other than the KJV). It was an intriguing debate of which my own curiosity has been piqued. One point brought up on the pro KJV (King James Version) was that modern versions rely heavily on something called the Critical Texts and thus have a lot of omissions and make God impersonal. Of course, this is debatable based on some of the out-of-context verses that were being used as a defense. And I need to do more research on the matter as well as ask my pastors and other friends who have seminary degrees to help explain things. The pro modern version (NIV, ESV, NASB, HSCB, etc.) side of the debate concentrated on the antiquity of the language used in the KJV, which if you think about when it was written (1600s) as opposed to now (text talk and more of a street language), really this is a good point. In the Westminster Confession, the group that wrote it believed the Scriptures should be made available to ALL people in THEIR language. The history of the KJV centers on how it came about in an attempt to put God's Word into the hands of the everyday, common person who was not necessarily educated in the Hebrew, Greek and Latin. But today, no one I know uses "thee" or "thou," thus making the KJV, in all its poetic beauty, quite antiquated. Not to say it's irrelevant, just that it's old.
In this debate, I learned that even the modern language versions are different. The NIV is more contemporary and topical. The ESV is very literal.
Let me clarify though that I am referring to versions as opposed to translations (NLT, The Message). Not that translations are bad in themselves, but they are more like a writer's interpretation rather than a language translation.
Another thing the Confession points out is that ONLY THE ORIGINAL manuscripts are the actual God-inspired Word. All versions, as a result of differences in interpretation, typos, not having EXACT translatable words, etc., have potential for error. BUT, this does not detract from the deeper, most crucial message of the Gospel and the need for salvation.
So if you are looking to take the message of the Bible to everyone, you use a version that is in the language of the majority of the people in a given area. Sort of like how you adapt a message to fit the majority of the audience. A pastor might speak on a child's terms if his audience is mostly children. He might take the same message and use more details if talking before a lot of doctors and attorneys and other pastors. Or he might shorten his sermon if he has a lot of youth and college students. Or use a simpler message for homeless people who might not have a lot of education.
Which version do I like? Well, ESV is what my church uses and my pastor stands behind. And it's very easy to understand.
And if anyone reading this has gone through seminary, I need to hear from you. What is your view and insight on this area?
In this debate, I learned that even the modern language versions are different. The NIV is more contemporary and topical. The ESV is very literal.
Let me clarify though that I am referring to versions as opposed to translations (NLT, The Message). Not that translations are bad in themselves, but they are more like a writer's interpretation rather than a language translation.
Another thing the Confession points out is that ONLY THE ORIGINAL manuscripts are the actual God-inspired Word. All versions, as a result of differences in interpretation, typos, not having EXACT translatable words, etc., have potential for error. BUT, this does not detract from the deeper, most crucial message of the Gospel and the need for salvation.
So if you are looking to take the message of the Bible to everyone, you use a version that is in the language of the majority of the people in a given area. Sort of like how you adapt a message to fit the majority of the audience. A pastor might speak on a child's terms if his audience is mostly children. He might take the same message and use more details if talking before a lot of doctors and attorneys and other pastors. Or he might shorten his sermon if he has a lot of youth and college students. Or use a simpler message for homeless people who might not have a lot of education.
Which version do I like? Well, ESV is what my church uses and my pastor stands behind. And it's very easy to understand.
And if anyone reading this has gone through seminary, I need to hear from you. What is your view and insight on this area?
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Why Not Apostatize? It's the ONLY Thing Left to Do!
I have tried. And apparently failed. But failed not for lack of effort on my part.
The leadership has apparently decided that this conflict will NEVER be able to be resolved nor will there EVER be any restoration of broken relationships. Relationships that were broken and that the other person and I were trying to restore, destroyed by the leadership! Relationships that were not broken, also destroyed by the leadership!
They said I could talk to him on Sunday mornings like everyone else but yet he either completely ignores me or they run interference and prohibit the very thing they said I could do! And if they aren't doing that, well, they've already acted unbiblically with regard to the church discipline process they claim to adhere to and basically already excommunicated me without any process.
They pushed me away from God!
He said he wanted things to get worked out including keeping his promise to restore FB which is the very thing that he broke his end of our agreement on to start with, the very thing that started all of the conflict. He said that I was NEVER to ask him on his wall why/if he hated me and that if I did, then he would break things, but I kept my end of that agreement only to have him break it without even considering everything that he and I had already worked through to get to that point to start with!
He said to my face that he wanted things to get worked out including FB and that he could see it happening before the year even!
But there's no way. Not when the leadership told me that I could talk to him on Sunday mornings like everyone else but he either ignores me completely or they run interference keeping it from happening!
And the worst thing is that in putting things in process after MONTHS of asking them to do something is that KNOWING that the process will do no good until he is brought into a meeting, yet three, almost four weeks later, he has yet to be brought in!
So what else can I do? I've tried. And they've caused me to fail!
So I guess the ONLY thing left to do is to apostatize.
I hope they're happy now because he said it himself. If he EVER caused someone, particularly someone who is immature in the faith (like I am), that he had to reconsider being a pastor since he could not continue being one knowing he caused someone to stumble in that way.
But I can no longer stay where I have been and am being subjected to such spiritual abuse including them acting unbiblically and in violation of the very thing they claim to practice and am being treated as less than a non-member in status and where they tell me I can do something but yet prohibit me from being able to do the VERY thing they said I could do.
I will try to give them one more chance before the holidays, but if he hasn't been brought into a meeting by then and if they keep acting like they are now, I do not know where else I can go since they kind of have me trapped now and if they are no longer a safe place, no place is.
Thus, the journey to apostasy has now officially begun.
The leadership has apparently decided that this conflict will NEVER be able to be resolved nor will there EVER be any restoration of broken relationships. Relationships that were broken and that the other person and I were trying to restore, destroyed by the leadership! Relationships that were not broken, also destroyed by the leadership!
They said I could talk to him on Sunday mornings like everyone else but yet he either completely ignores me or they run interference and prohibit the very thing they said I could do! And if they aren't doing that, well, they've already acted unbiblically with regard to the church discipline process they claim to adhere to and basically already excommunicated me without any process.
They pushed me away from God!
He said he wanted things to get worked out including keeping his promise to restore FB which is the very thing that he broke his end of our agreement on to start with, the very thing that started all of the conflict. He said that I was NEVER to ask him on his wall why/if he hated me and that if I did, then he would break things, but I kept my end of that agreement only to have him break it without even considering everything that he and I had already worked through to get to that point to start with!
He said to my face that he wanted things to get worked out including FB and that he could see it happening before the year even!
But there's no way. Not when the leadership told me that I could talk to him on Sunday mornings like everyone else but he either ignores me completely or they run interference keeping it from happening!
And the worst thing is that in putting things in process after MONTHS of asking them to do something is that KNOWING that the process will do no good until he is brought into a meeting, yet three, almost four weeks later, he has yet to be brought in!
So what else can I do? I've tried. And they've caused me to fail!
So I guess the ONLY thing left to do is to apostatize.
I hope they're happy now because he said it himself. If he EVER caused someone, particularly someone who is immature in the faith (like I am), that he had to reconsider being a pastor since he could not continue being one knowing he caused someone to stumble in that way.
But I can no longer stay where I have been and am being subjected to such spiritual abuse including them acting unbiblically and in violation of the very thing they claim to practice and am being treated as less than a non-member in status and where they tell me I can do something but yet prohibit me from being able to do the VERY thing they said I could do.
I will try to give them one more chance before the holidays, but if he hasn't been brought into a meeting by then and if they keep acting like they are now, I do not know where else I can go since they kind of have me trapped now and if they are no longer a safe place, no place is.
Thus, the journey to apostasy has now officially begun.
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