I asked for boundaries but when I asked, he didn't want to establish them. I have autism. I don't get the intricacies of relationships. Or so others have told me. So I need help.
He finally set some boundaries but he unreasonably established them with NO prior discussion or chance to ask questions or to clarify or to make alternative solutions should he be unable to uphold his end.
I got frustrated. I lashed out. I pointed out we also need consistency. So if I'm only ALLOWED to communicate every other day, then I also reasonably expect at least one response. And now he threatens to just end everything?!? Seriously?!?
I will make one promise in this post. If he quits me, I will quit God. Because God is more scary than he is. And I CANNOT SEE OR HEAR GOD like I can him.
The problem is that so many transitions are taking place all at once. And now I can no longer SEE ANY of my friends unless special arrangements are made. And that's NOT fair.
What that church did, the way they hurt me, the fact they used the autism against me after they paid for the testing and them the professional help to begin addressing it which they then ignored the recommendations from, was wrong. Yet I am the one who suffers the most. I had to quit that church because of the oppression. And apparently I am also going to suffer because it seems I am still going to lose my friends anyway.
It's not fair. I don't think I can handle it anymore. And well, if he quits me because of this and his accusation which mirrors EVERYTHING I EVER heard from the people from THAT church, the only thing I can promise as a direct consequence is that I will quit God. Because right now, God is NOT safe for me if this "friend" is no longer a safe person.
I hate having autism sometimes. And right now is one of those times.
Showing posts with label Transitions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Transitions. Show all posts
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
Day Four
Jesus Calling day 4. Title in the kids version: "A New Habit." Learn to trust Jesus in everything that happens and say it aloud.
Wow. New year. New transitions. New things. New situations. New new new. But yes, make it a new habit to say, "I trust You, Jesus" no matter what? Even in the midst of hardship?
Okay, this is getting intensely scary. Focal passages Isaiah 40:11 and Psalms 63:2 and 139:7-10.
The passage that struck me the most today? Psalm 139:7-10. This is the same chapter where the psalmist declares that God made him and knew him, even in the womb. "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."
This verse reminds me of the Avalon song, "Hide My Soul," featured on the Left Behind film soundtrack. It also reminds me of another song. Rebecca St. James "Universe" which actually quotes some of this passage.
Dear God, help me to know You are always there and can be trusted even when others seem to fail me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Another prayer today:
Dear God, help Tom and his family know that even if the baby does not come on her due date, You are still in control. You know EXACTLY what YOU are doing and are in control. The baby You are forming right now IS fearfully and wonderfully made. She will be perfectly created by Your hands. Regardless of the timing. We are often rigid in our thinking and timing. But we quickly forget that YOU are the ultimate timekeeper. Please if you would, allow the baby to come on her own. Allow her not to be TOO late. Get her ready to come out into this world so she can meet her anxiously excited family. Move her into a position so she will come out. Everyone is ready to meet her. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Wow. New year. New transitions. New things. New situations. New new new. But yes, make it a new habit to say, "I trust You, Jesus" no matter what? Even in the midst of hardship?
Okay, this is getting intensely scary. Focal passages Isaiah 40:11 and Psalms 63:2 and 139:7-10.
The passage that struck me the most today? Psalm 139:7-10. This is the same chapter where the psalmist declares that God made him and knew him, even in the womb. "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."
This verse reminds me of the Avalon song, "Hide My Soul," featured on the Left Behind film soundtrack. It also reminds me of another song. Rebecca St. James "Universe" which actually quotes some of this passage.
Dear God, help me to know You are always there and can be trusted even when others seem to fail me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Another prayer today:
Dear God, help Tom and his family know that even if the baby does not come on her due date, You are still in control. You know EXACTLY what YOU are doing and are in control. The baby You are forming right now IS fearfully and wonderfully made. She will be perfectly created by Your hands. Regardless of the timing. We are often rigid in our thinking and timing. But we quickly forget that YOU are the ultimate timekeeper. Please if you would, allow the baby to come on her own. Allow her not to be TOO late. Get her ready to come out into this world so she can meet her anxiously excited family. Move her into a position so she will come out. Everyone is ready to meet her. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
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