Sunday, March 16, 2014

I Understand You Completely

Joshua 1:5 - No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you.

Psalm 139:1-4 - O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

II Corinthians 1:21-22 - And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee (down payment).

Dear God, As much as I appreciate the fact that You understand me completely and will never leave me and will always love me no matter what because You have unconditional grace, it would be great if churches would be more understanding and would demonstrate Your love and Your grace. To have a pastor (Tom) do what he did the way he did it and to have a church leadership full of bullies and abuse and corruption? Well, none of them demonstrated or evidenced Your character. And to do that because of ignorance and hatred of people with special needs? Well, it hurts. Okay? But it would also help if I had a friend, a REAL friend, that would love me and understand me and demonstrate Your same kind of love and grace, a human friend that I can turn to when I need one. Tom claimed to be a friend, but then he turned on me when I most needed grace from him. He kicked me when I already down. He crushed my spirit. And he made me not ever want to have anything to do with You again. No more church for me ever again. Not until You draw him into conversation with me. Not until You open his church to accept me for me with no stupid documents or with a document that does not subject itself to being abused like they already have shown it does. Until that time comes, no more church for me ever again because in my heart, I know that that church IS the ONLY one for me. Which is why I have never been happier except when I was there. But Tom crushed me. And he hasn't repented of it. He hasn't demonstrated forgiveness toward me nor asked for forgiveness for his part. And until he does, there is no hope for me. God, I know You know my heart and my heart's desire, and I know You know my heart is right and good and in line with what You want for me. Make the way. Bring the conversation with Tom AND with his church leadership. Because, in that, healing can begin. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North (YouTube)

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you key your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts 
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

You Are More by Tenth Avenue North (YouTube)

There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love."

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But them she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel, 
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You've been remade.
You've been remade.
You've been remade.
You've been remade.

Dear God, I am more than autism. Autism is forever a part of me. Autism can be both good and bad, just like regular people have good and bad days or times. I am gifted. I am smart. I am Yours. I am Your child, Your daughter, and You want me more than I tend to want You. Open the eyes and the minds and the hearts of Tom, Bob, and whoever else there to see that. Bring the conversation that will let the healing begin. In Jesus' Name, Amen!



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