I Am Forever

Genesis 16:13-14 - So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, "You are a God of seeing," for she said, "Truly here I have seen him who looks after me." Therefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi (the well of the Living One who sees me); it lies between Kadesh and Bered. 

Romans 8:31 - What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

II Corinthians 4:18 - as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 

Dear God, I am worried. What will happen with the presbytery? Will they truly do anything as they should or will Tom be allowed to just get away with inflicting intentional hurt and becoming an abuser and a bully by not only allowing it to happen even after he acknowledged that it was wrong and then by also doing it himself? Also, with my mom. She hasn't really eaten in days because she complains about a metallic taste in her mouth, plus some situation that happened last week. And I didn't mean to lecture her about honesty, but that is something that everyone needs to learn. Tom lied to my mom and lied to others about me. Because he chose to believe lies rather than to seek the truth. And with regard to one of those lies, he was there when things happened. I did not ask her to go to the bathroom with me. I was already on my way to the bathroom when she ran into me and said she was going to the bathroom as well. I did not ask to go to her cubicle. I was willing to just chill in the bathroom until I could regain my composure. But she offered and so I went with her. I did not ask her to walk to the field with me to scream. She offered to take me there for that. I would never have even been able to walk to it on my own accord anyway because I would still get lost around that place! But Tom claimed I asked her to go with me and asked her to do all of that with me which is not true at all. He also claimed I dragged that man in which I didn't do. That man approached my car after I already started it and then he blocked me from being able to get back in my car. He offered to help. I didn't ask him to do so though. Tom lied and his lies have cost me everything. And until he shows signs of repentance, I truly cannot forgive him at all. And why should I? Because God, You don't forgive people who don't evidence repentance either. And because You also said if he was forgiven then he should be forgiving, but Tom acted not with willingness to forgive, but with hate. Tom doesn't fit the marks of a true Christian as outlined in scripture and Tom has violated scripture. Tom no longer meets the qualifications to be a pastor. Point blank. But God, I had to get this off my chest. You said You want me to trust You and not be worried, so I had to get this out of my system today. I'm trying to trust You. It so far I really don't see a lot of reasons to do so. Not after what Tom did to me. Not after he unnecessarily hurt me and crushed my heart and spirit. Not after the way he lied to me, to my mom, to my friends, to my advocate, and to the therapist about me causing me to lose therapy. Not after he lied to the person who was willing to try mediation so it wouldn't go to a lawsuit. All he has to do is show repentance by  restoring things on Facebook. And with that one action, the complaint against him would be fully and wholly withdrawn. Just like that. No questions asked. That's grace. That's real grace. That's the grace that Tom claims to believe yet failed to evidence. Only right now, he has to earn it by evidencing repentance with me. God, thank You for listening. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Our God by Chris Tomlin (YouTube)

Water you turned into wine, opened the eyes of the blind

There's no one like You, none like You!

Into the darkness You shine, out of the ashes we rise

There's no one like You, none like You!

Our God is greater, our God is stronger

God You are higher than any other.

Our God is Healer, awesome in power

Our God, our God!

Into the darkness You shine, out of the ashes we rise

There's no one like You, none like You!

Our God is greater, our God is stronger

God You are higher than any other.

Our God is Healer, awesome in power

Our God, our God!

Our God is greater, our God is stronger

God You are higher than any other.

Our God is Healer, awesome in power

Our God, our God!

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?

And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?

And if God is with us, then what could stand against?

What could stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger

God You are higher than any other.

Our God is Healer, awesome in power

Our God, our God!

Our God is greater, our God is stronger

God You are higher than any other.

Our God is Healer, awesome in power

Our God, our God!

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?

And if our God is for us, then what could stand against?

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?

And if our God is for us, then what could stand against?

Then what could stand against?

Our God is greater, our God is stronger

God You are higher than any other.

Our God is Healer, awesome in power

Our God, our God!

Our God is greater, our God is stronger

God You are higher than any other.

Our God is Healerr, awesome in power

Our God, our God!

A New Way of Thinking

Psalm 105:4 - Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!

Romans 12:2 - Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2 (ICB) - Do not be shaped by this world. Instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what. God wants for you. And you will be able to know what is good and pleasing to God and what is perfect.

Dear God, Help me learn to shift my thoughts from the problems and challenges I face to You. I want to trust You. I know I can see and hear evidence of You. But sometimes worry does cloud that. Thank You for thinking of me though. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Every Step

Psalm 18:29 - For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.

Psalm 91:11-12 - For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.

II Corinthians 5:7 - for we walk by faith, not by sight.

Dear God, Help me trust that You will indeed right beside me on this journey. Wherever it may lead. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

The Best Security System Ever

Genesis 28:15 - Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.

Psalm 28:7 - The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.

Psalm 28:7 (ICB) - The Lord is my strength and my shield. I trust him, and he helps me.

Psalm 56:3-4 - When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

Matthew 6:34 - "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Dear God, Thank You for being my shield. And for always looking out for me. I wish that the conflict with Tom would get resolved. And I am going to trust You that it will even if it is through the presbytery pulling together a meeting. I know what he did was wrong. And I know he should have to face the consequences. And he likely will with the presbytery. I would prefer a restoration because Your word says we are to aim for restoration with each other. But I don't know if it is possible since he lied and hurt me as a result of the lies and refused to try to work it out. He hardened his heart and he did it because I have autism. And that is not fair nor appropriate. God, I told my mom that I should get paid for some of the ideas I come up with it. We have been iced in for days, and today she had to go to work with one of the emergency kits just in case. She also grounded my car due to there still being a few issues on the roads. But You protected a lot of us and people showed compassion. I am sad though that that compassion during a crisis is not the norms. See, compassion is something that Tom lacked when he chose to allow the abuse and ended up unnecessarily hurting me as well by joining the abusers and the bullies. Compassion was not something I saw when his church learned that I have autism and began to do everything that they could to tear me down even more than I had already been torn down and to exclude me because of it. That was not compassion. That was not grace. Oh, if only people knew how to show the same kind of compassion they showed during the crisis of the last few days ALL the time! How much better would everything be for everyone then? God, please continue to be a shield for me. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Don't Worship Your Worries

Psalm 112:7 - He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

Psalm 112:7 (ICB) - He is safe because he trusts the Lord.

I Corinthians 13:11 - When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

Dear God, I have a lot to worry about right now indeed! Unresolved conflict with Tom and how the presbytery will proceed with the complaint issued forth (or if they will since it is one of a very serious matter that reflects character in a negative way). Social security and having to reschedule the new appointment but not being able to do anything until the field office reopens. The library stuff. Getting my CD that I pre-ordered. Getting more almond milk. Mail that hasn't run in a couple of days due to weather. Whether I can get anywhere tomorrow even because even with weather improving road conditions in many places, lots of people got stranded and now cities are either having to start towing cars to clear the roads or people have to get back out to move them themselves. See? Lots of concerns and worries. But Lord, please help me to not end up "worshipping" my worries or making idols out of them. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Capture Every Thought

Genesis 1:26-27 - Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Psalm 8:5 - Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.

Isaiah 26:3 - You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

II Corinthians 10:5 - We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ....

Dear God, Teach me to capture every thought. Especially those that might not bring You glory. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

My Promise

Psalm 139:1-4 - O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

Matthew 28:20b - And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.

Matthew 28:20 (ICB) - You can be sure that I am with you always. I will continue with you until the end of the world.

Dear God, It's hard to trust Your promise that You will always be with me. Especially when people like Tom promise that they will never not be my friend and will always act with grace and forgiveness, and then don't keep the promises. So God, as I struggle on this nice snowy day to see and hear You, please help me with trusting Your promise. Okay? In Jesus' Name, Amen!