Tuesday, May 28, 2013

I Am Healing

Even though I still have some physical struggles and even though I have to constantly deal with the challenges of autism and ADHD, I wanted to share my thoughts. I am healing in ways that most people cannot fathom or understand.

I am healing.
I have immune deficiency. 
I wait for the day we can move forward into a life of infusions.

I am healing. I no longer NEED my ADHD medicine and it is now completely out of my system.
I am less fidgety, except when nervous or tired and then I cannot control my need to fidget anyway.

I have autism. 
But I am different, not less.
Treat me like you want to be treated.
Respect me like you want to be respected.
Give me my dignity. 
Help me to bring out my verbal communication.
Do you see how I am gifted in puppets and painting and music and writing? Use my gifts to help me communicate, to help me feel useful, to help me be me.

I have a mom.
She is persistent and relentless.
Don't hurt her baby. 
She might become a mama bear.

I have a friend.
He was a pastor to me.
But now he's just my friend.
He's still a pastor for others though.
He is also like a second (and better) human dad.
He has a special connection with me that I cannot explain.
But it is good and it is necessary and God let it happen.
He believes in me even when I struggle to believe in myself.
He believes in me even when others might not.
He is compassionate and God gave him a big heart.
Because of me and his connection with me, he is now better prepared for a future in which the world has to hurry and start adapting in order to not just be aware of autism, but to embrace those of us who have autism so we can feel loved and accepted, so we can belong, so we can fit in, so we can function as a part of society. 
My friend will be part of the revolution in churches that will spearhead the adaptation of this world. 
My friend is special.
My friend is brave and courageous. He has to be in order to be my friend.
He is consistent and gracious. 
He is loving and tenderhearted.
He is my friend.

I have another friend.
She can seem kind of quirky. Then again, so can I!
She is an artist. Just like me!
She has an easy spirit. Just like me!
She has lots of love. Just like me!
Once you get deeper with her, you get a true friend with a loving heart that is so big that there's no way to escape the love.

I am learning to know God and to see God. 
My friends help a lot with that.
I don't get God in the books. 
I don't see God in the books or in church.
I hear about God at church.
I read about God in the books.
But I feel God. 
God is in the nice, cool breeze on a hot summer day.
God is in the light, refreshing rain after a long, hot week. 
God is in the babbling creek that you get your toes wet during a hot day at the park.
God whispers through creation.
I'm different, so I sense God differently.
See that beautiful rose, so delicate and frail? That's God!
Hear that tiny kitten mewing? That's God!
See a community rise up together after a disaster? That's God!
Feel loved by friends and family? Even that's God!

I was hurt really bad.
By someone who was supposed to be a dad.
By some people who called themselves friends.
By people who said they cared.
Some of them are no longer in my life. 
Others are reunited and also went through their own struggles.
Even though I am different, I am also the same.
We all struggle.
We all need to feel loved and accepted.
We all need to heal.

I am healing.
I am brave.
I am a friend.
I am a child.
I am an adult.
I am a person.
I am God's creation.
I am me!
I am gifted.
I am talented.
I am smart.
I am beautiful in spirit.
I am fun.
I am funny in my own way.
I am creative.
I am blessed.
I am loved.
I am valuable.
I am growing.
I am able in my own ways and sometimes with help.
I am healing.

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