I Love That!

Psalm 22:3 - Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.

Psalm 146:1-2 - Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul! I will praise the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.

I Thessalonians 5:18 - give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Dear God, thank You for the work I know You will do with regard to the situation with Tom and how he unnecessarily hurt me. I just wish You would hurry and bring about the needed conversation. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Dare to Dream My Dream

Isaiah 40:30-31 - Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Romans 8:6 - To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

Ephesians 3:20-21 - Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. 

Revelation 5:13 - And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!"

Dear God, I want to believe that You are capable of doing far greater things than I can ever imagine, but it struggle because the needed conversation with Tom has yet to have happened. Here we are on the brink of higher authority having to decide how to handle things. And he has yet to even show signs of repentance. Never mind the fact that even if I wanted to prove repentance, that neither he nor his church would ever know because they violated the scripture and their own denominational rules with regard to church discipline. I know that the good Tom, the honest Tom, the loving and caring and compassionate Tom that I experienced so much love and grace through and even saw glimpses of You through is in there in his heart somewhere. But at this point, if that Tom doesn't surface soon, if the hardened heart Tom stays, then it will absolutely break my own heart to have to tell the higher authority that he is no longer fit to be in his position. And about the abuse I experienced at his church. But I guess in some ways that maybe this is all a part of Your plan because You don't like bullies in Your church either God, and You deal harshly with bullies. The tax collectors in the temple, the Pharisees, even at times, Your disciples and other favorite people had to be dealt with harshly because You don't like bullies. Bullies don't evidence You nor do they help the church to grow, especially when they bully the least of these like they did me or the others like me before me. God, as much as I hope that You will turn Tom around in the next week or two, I am losing hope. In some ways, it means that he is showing his true nature and character which is not Christlike at all, and if that is the case, then he truly is in no position to be anyone's "shepherd" anymore. But God, why? And God, my dream is for a loving and accepting and safe church, even if it's just a small home based church, for people like me. But here's the ironic thing: Even if it turns out that Tom is no longer fit to remain in his position, I see that he is more fit to be a part of the church that I dream of. And maybe in some ways that is higher calling. Open his mind and heart and open my mind and heart. And God, if Tom is ready to forgive me, have him reinstate Facebook so I know because I want to be able to show him forgiveness and be able to retract my complaint. But until he evidences forgiveness toward me and repentance for his role in things, I have to let the complaint stay. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Abba Father by Rebecca St. James

I'm feeling like the eagle that rises

Flies above the earth and its troubles

Oh yes he knows that there are valleys below

But under his wings there's a stronger power

Oh Father, You are my strength

On You I wait upon

You make the road rise up to meet me

You make the sun shine warm upon my face

The wind is at my back and the rain falls soft

God I lift You high, You are my Abba

Running in this race till the finish line

The only road for me is the narrow

Not gonna stop or even look to the side

When I fix my eyes on You Jesus

Oh Father, You are my strength

Now more than ever

You make the road rise up to meet me

You make the sun shine warm upon my face

The wind is at my back and the rain falls soft

God I lift You high, You are my Abba

You make the road rise up to meet me

You make the sun shine warm upon my face

The wind is at my back and the rain falls soft

God I lift You high, You are my Abba

When you run too far

(And the road is long)

Can't walk another mile

(He is waiting)

Hope in Him again

(He'll renew you)

Then you will rise

Gather up your wings and fly

You make the road rise up to meet me

You make the sun shine warm upon my face

The wind is at my back and the rain falls soft

God I lift You high, You are my Abba

You make the road rise up to meet me

 You make the sun shine warm upon my face

The wind is at my back and the rain falls soft

God I lift You high, You are my Abba

Do you not know? 

Have you not heard?

He gives strength to the weary

To those who hope in Him

They will soar like eagles

Winning My Way

Psalm 34:17-18 - When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

II Corinthians 5:7 - for we walk by faith, not by sight.

Dear God, help me. I have been shaken. And I have wavered. I have been utterly crushed because of what Tom did. It isn't fair nor is it right what he did the way he did it. Help me. And help me see the dream You want me to have. I already know that my dream is nearly impossible to attain on my own. My dream is that all people of all ages with all special needs will be accepted at churches, be it Oak Mountain which presently hates people with special needs and will abuse them at the first sign of anything they think is wrong or abnormal, or be it somewhere else. For that matter, my dream is for a rising church, not necessarily of any particular denomination, that is primarily targeted and geared for people like me. Where people like me will not only feel loved and accepted, but will feel a sense of purpose. For we are PURE people with a purpose and a gift just like anyone else. God, help me. Comfort me. And bring that needed conversation with Tom. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

A New Habit

Psalm 63:2 - So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.

Psalm 139:7-10 - Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take with the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. 

Isaiah 40:11 - He will tend to his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.

Psalm 63 - My Soul Thirsts for You

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. But those who seek to destroy my life shall go down into the depths of the earth; they shall be given over to the power of the sword; they shall be a portion for jackals. But the king shall rejoice in God; all who swear by him shall exult, for the mouths of liars will be stopped.

Dear God, I want to believe and I want to trust You. But I am too scared. Because the last person I trusted screwed up so badly and hurt me so deeply that I am afraid to trust You. My trust has been shaken and it is not easy for me to trust anyone, let alone a God whom I am just unsure of more now than ever. I do see in Psalm 63 though that You will deal with him and the others that have hurt me so much as to cause me to stumble. God, he used the excuse of having to be a shepherd to the flock. The problem is that his analogy is weak because the way a GOOD shepherd is described, the good shepherd will leave the flock to go in search and rescue of the one who is lost. And heaven will rejoice so much more for that one than for all the others. Again, God, you know my heart with regard to Tom right now, and you know that I desire to do II Corinthians 13:11 and seek peace and aim for restoration. Soften his heart for a conversation that is much needed so that I can finally move forward no matter what direction that may be. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Avalon - Hide My Soul (YouTube)

Here I am with nothing left to say

How can I even speak?

All my dreams lie scattered

Like ashes beneath my feet

Can you see the pain behind the smiles

The tears run down my face

Will the sun ever shine on me again?

Where can I hide? Oh oh

Where can I hide? Oh oh oh

Where can I hide? Oh oh oh

I will hide my soul in Jesus

I will rest my heart in Him

When the storms of life rush over me

I will not let them in

There will be no pain in heaven

But for now and until then

I will hide my soul in Jesus

Now I know there's nothing I can do

Nothing that I can say

You alone are the anchor of my soul

Don't let me slip away

Can you see the pain behind my smile

The tears run down my face

Will the sun ever shine on me again?

Where can I hide? Oh oh

Where can I hide? Oh oh oh

Where can I hide? Oh oh oh

I will hide my soul in Jesus

I will rest my heart in Him

When the storms of life rush over me

I will not let them in

There will be no pain in heaven

But for now and until then

I will hide my soul in Jesus

Where can I hide? Oh oh

Where can I hide? Oh oh oh

Where can I hide? Oh oh oh

I will hide my soul in Jesus

I will rest my heart in Him

When the storms of life rush over me

I will not let them in

There will be no pain in heaven

But for now and until then

I will hide my soul

I will hide my soul in Jesus

I will hide my soul 

No pain, no pain in heaven

In heaven

I will hide my soul in Jesus

There will be no pain in heaven

I Am Bigger Than the World

Psalm 31:19-20 - Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind! In the cover of your presence you hide them from the plots of men; you store them in your shelter from the strife of tongues.

John 16:33 - I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

In the devotional, John 16:33 reads: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Dear God, Did You overcome the problem of churches that choose to punish people who have special needs rather than to actually intentionally minister to and with them? Or of churches who do not follow the Bible? Or of pastoral people who violate scripture? Did you overcome the challenges I have been presented by these things that have happened to me? Did You God? I feel alone and I do not feel Your peace. Because the one person I thought was a friend and whom I thought actually understood things ended up being the one who hurt me the most. He has not shown repentance. He has not shown that he wants any forgiveness. He has not shown that he even deserves it. And he has not even acted in a manner that shows that he even forgives me. God, where are You? And why are You allowing a church, a pastor person, to violate Your word and to hurt people like me? Why are You allowing them to hate people just because they have special needs? Why, God, why? God? Please do something. Please help. Please bring Tom and I into a conversation. Please God. Please. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Choose Me

Psalm 105:4 - Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! 

Luke 10:38-42 - Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And  a woman named Martha welcomed him into her  house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Matha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good position, which will not be taken away from her."  

Dear God, I don't know what blessings You have in store for me today. I do know that many people tend to try to take them away from me though and as a result, I may be like Martha. Help me be more like Mary. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

Get Ready for the Adventure!

I am going to title this year's posts based on Jesus Calling for Kids titles. Makes sense and won't be difficult to keep track of.

All scriptures quoted will be from the ESV.

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

The version quoted in the book: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Romans 12:2 - Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Dear God, how can I trust that Your plans are for my good when people like Tom Patton end up hurting me based on lies and instead of believing the truth and doing what You say to do in the scripture end up spreading those lies and destroying relationships instead of seeking peace and aiming for restoration. Why would he violate Your word and end up hurting me like that? Why would he and his corrupted church hurt me when Your word clearly says that in doing so that they are hurting You? By treating me and my autism as though the autism were a sin, they are actually treating You as a sinner. God, if You truly have my best interest in mind, then You know that the only way I will ever be able to move forward is for there to be a meeting with Tom, so that he and I both have the chance to tell the truth. God, I have a hard time believing that there can be any good in what Tom did to me. It was unnecessary, unjust, unfair, and all based on misunderstanding, misinterpretation, and lies. Soften his heart and bring us together in conversation. I know You know that is the only way that I will be able to have my faith in You restored and I know You know that is the only thing that would be right. Unless Your plans include bringing him to a place of humility by bringing him to greater accountability which may come through higher discipline. But then I would be concerned that that could mean that he will lose his job. Not that that's actually a bad thing should it happen based on his own actions and violations of scripture which have already been quite detrimental, but none of this would be necessary if he would just put aside the politics of the church (which many have said have gone astray) and enter into conversation with me based on scripture where You tell us to seek peace and aim for restoration with one another. Anyway, if I am going to enter into a more honest season, I have to be honest about all of this. In Jesus' Name, Amen!