Thursday, April 11, 2013

Spring, Love, Weddings, Growth, and Tom

Ah! Spring! God gave us spring to remember renewal of life.

Love! Spring is a reminder of love as many people get married during this time of year.

To be in a relationship. That is a human desire. God created us to be with others. After all, consider Adam. God saw it fit to create Eve.

But relationships are not easy. For some people, relationships are scary and painful. Especially for people who have autism.

You know what though? I have a great friend. He has been diligent. He has consistently been showing me what friendship is. I miss him right now even though we talk. A lot. But he is also a father figure right now. Which is really awesome.

He has really been a blessing and an encouragement at a time when I have felt so alone in the world (right now). And I have been through a lot the past couple of years. I have also grown a lot the past couple of years.

"I'm proud of you." Next to "I love you," no other words mean so much to me. Those words lift my spirit even on a rough day.

And you know what? My friend might be turning 53 this summer but here's the neatest thing: He's also growing. He has grown so much in his understanding and appreciation of me that it has started having an overflow so that I can appreciate him in return along with others. And that means so much more to me than anything.

His kindness and graciousness and forgiveness to me, his gentleness and patience with me, these are all things I have started seeing with God too. Before, God was just this scary personified being somewhere in the sky waiting for me to mess up so He can strike me down. But now, I see love, care, and generosity.

And sometimes, that's all it takes. The kindness and love of ONE person.

Although I would feel better if I knew if and when he and I can and will be able to have some in person time again. My heart really misses him right now even though he's so close (distance).

But we celebrate two things (well, more than that, but still): God growing my heart so that I might actually be ready for relationships with others (I'm smiling because my friend has fallen into father mode with me because I have developed a crush on someone close to my age, and my friend has been very playful about it because he's getting to be a prime example of what a godly man is, and honestly, my friend is an example of what I want in a relationship). We also celebrate the upcoming wedding of his middle daughter.

And now I have something to say to him directly: Tom, you're ready for this. You can do it. You're not losing a daughter but gaining a son. And you have a heart that God is growing. You have taken me under your wings in the process. So essentially, you gained another kid along the way. As long as you have all of your kids, be they biological or not, you are not ever going to lose any of them even when it's time to let them take flight on their own. I hope it makes sense to you what I have just said because I stink at sentimentality. And I'm not sure I understand what I said!

Dear God, thank you for my friend Tom. Thank you for his example. Be with him during this time. May he be reminded of how proud I am of him too. He didn't want me to take flight at first, but he let go and I'm starting to soar. As he has seen with me, the baby bird always comes back to its imprinted parental figures. Even when we are released, we still come back. The goal is that over time, we need him and others less as we grow into ourselves. And he has told me a lot lately that I am starting to grow into myself, into who You created me to be. Be with him next week. Give him strength. Be with him when he goes on his upcoming trips and bring him back safe. And please if You would, allow us time to visit in person again when he returns from that. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

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