Thursday, February 21, 2013

Letting Go in Your Heart, or I Hope for a Miracle

Unless a profound miracle happens this weekend, I have to let go of someone who was my first and is my only REAL friend because truth is, he just does not have room or time for me in his life anymore. I do not go to his church anymore and even if I was still at his church, he and I would not even be allowed to be friends because when they gave me that legalistic discriminating document, they essentially barred me from being able to have friends at all. The truth of the matter, if you look up the definition of excommunication in the dictionary, that is what that church did, only they did it without process and they got away with it because no one wanted to listen to me "because I have autism" or to my experts because they did not agree with the experts about my capability.

I do not want to lose my "friend," but I do not know what else to do. He always has an excuse for breaking his promise to call me that week or for never having time to be able to find a time and a place so we can talk in person. We have had no quality time as friends and whatever friendship there may be seems to be sinking before it has even had a chance.

As to my jar I started for him, I guess this is it. It does not seem the friendship will make it to the end of this month let alone to Christmas.

And as much as it hurts to say this, if this friendship does not survive, I do not think I want to continue to pursue God anymore either because in my pursuit of God, I lost the first and only person who even bothered to try to stay friends with me since I left the legalistic church to find a safe place for adults with special needs.

Oh yeah. My mother is seeking out a document to protect me. I cannot really make my own financial or major medical decisions. So she researched power of attorney. But they asked for a second person should something happen to her. I chose this friend because he is really the ONLY person who knows how to pull me out of a shutdown. Why? Because he does not talk down on me like I am a baby just because I have autism but nor does he talk over my head just because he knows my physical age is in the 30s. He understands me.

That is why if I lose him as a friend and if he and I cannot get things worked out, I will want to quit God too.

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