Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A Public Confession and Apology, Part II

It was brought to my attention that in my being honest in my last post that some people may have felt hurt or offended.

Continuing in the manner of not using actual names, I will apologize, not for my honesty or my honest words, but for the fact that my honesty may have hurt or offended some people.

I am honest to a fault and sometimes that honesty can be brutal. But that is a weakness that has to be worked on. Being honest, as I understand it, is a great thing. But sadly, it can sometimes inflict unexpected wounds.

When I write, I write from an openness and honesty that really can only come out through my writing. It is how I recover from the things in my past that have been so hurtful. It is how I work out my feelings, my thoughts, my questions.

I began blogging last year when I was undergoing extensive laboratory testing for an immune deficiency. I started with two general topic blogs with the intent to do two things: to keep up with my skills while seeking a part-time job in journalism and to express my anxieties or to teach others. I then developed my third blog on being gluten free which presently mostly consists of product and place reviews. Then, as I have been learning from my pastor, the Gospel CAN be found everywhere, EVEN in films and books and music, so after seeing a film that particularly touched my life, I started the blog on media reviews. Now, as I learn more about my faith and God, I opened a blog, this one, on my journey through theology. It is designed to get my questions out and to work through them and to follow up with what I learn about them. Sometimes it will take more personal notes such as my struggle with God’s sovereignty and providence coming from a “broken” family filled with abuse and pain and broken trust. Sometimes it might get kind of brutal as I learn and grow and develop and mature in my personal walk in grace, but as I understand, the Christian life can be brutal. And it certainly is NEVER easy.

If I ever do come across as being TOO brutally honest, DO tell me. That is how I can learn and grow. But DO tell me. And if you have a thought or an insight that may help my understanding, feel free to let me know.

Again, I apologize that my honesty may have hurt or offended some people, and for that, I ask forgiveness and another chance and grace from those people. I cannot apologize for my honesty or take back what I said or did, and if I start apologizing for being honest, then I will no longer be able to write for one of my strongpoints is that honesty and writing. It is in my writing that I am able to be most open and transparent. It is also in my writing that I can be most vulnerable.

But for those who did feel hurt or offended by such open honesty, I am sorry and hope you can forgive me.

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